u/Particular-Ice-4154

Basically, my boyfriend whom I've known for about three years now has a girl best friend he's known for a bit longer than me. She's older than we are - she's about 22 I believe - and she goes to university while we're still in school.

My boyfriend calls her his sister which I never minded and still don't. I wasn't concerned about their friendship as I understood that they rarely talked, mostly just a handful of phone calls per month, and that they stopped being that close after she moved to Cologne from the small town we live in.

I became concerned about their friendship when I read some weird messages just from scrolling through his chats on WhatsApp. I read something along the lines of "you're constantly ignoring me while you know how much I miss you", and I asked him about it. He explained how their whole friendship and dynamic works, about how she's sensitive and how she loves friends extremely deeply and he tends to concentrate his attention on one person and then ignore the rest when he does that which then caused her to write something like that. In that moment it was me who got most of his attention while she and other friends were put on a lower priority. She didn't take that well at all.

In order to make up for the injustice she felt, they started hanging out a lot more in real life. While they were hanging out, all the attention was on her and the complaints decreased over time. But those hang outs went from irl hang outs to constant calls, her getting pinned on social media apps etc. I'm trying to talk myself out of being worried about these things because I trust my boyfriend a lot and he also constantly assures me they're just like siblings, and that their friendship is based on interests and nothing more.

I could live with how it was until that point, but then he told me he would be going to the other side of the country just to visit her for multiple days. She moved from Cologne to Berlin so the distance between us and her increased a lot, meaning the stay couldn't have been completed in one day. He proceeded to tell me that he would be sleeping over at her place for three nights and they would just do a bunch of stuff together like siblings.

That made me extremely uncomfortable. The idea of him being alone with a woman he's gotten fairly close with over the months makes me feel like throwing up, and like I previously mentioned, when one person gets his attention everyone else has to suffer. That's the place I am in at the moment. It's been a day since he arrived in Berlin and I'm waiting for him to come back home as I feel like I'm going crazy over nothing. I feel like I shouldn't feel this awful about the situation, but the stories of what they're doing don't make me feel much better. Everything feels like a date. They eat out all the time, watch movies and documentaries deep into the night, they're planning on going to a concert and go shopping together etc. I don't want to sound like a jealous and selfish girlfriend, but am I allowed to feel weird?

I could talk about the fact I find it weird how she's been talking to my boyfriend since he was 14 and she was 18 and how I find it weird that they suddenly became so close now that he's of age but that's another topic completely.

Am I going insane or is it a valid reason to crash out if my boyfriend starts hanging out with a girl, who I find very weird btw, who begs for his attention a lot and he suddenly sleeps at said girl's place for multiple days while going on "hang outs" that look too much like dates? I literally have no idea what to tell him because I have already complained about their friendship once as I felt like there was something weird going on but I dismissed myself because I thought I sounded insane. Do I call them out again? I mean, I don't want to ruin a friendship just because I feel weird about it. Do I set a boundary which could make his girl friend mad as it would keep them from hanging out over multiple days in a row? I have no idea what to do without sounding crazy and stupid. I really just need someone to give an honest and genuine opinion. You can be rough and call me insane and delusional, I don't mind. If you tell me I am delusional I'll be more relieved than if you told me something really is going on.

Basically, my boyfriend whom I've known for about three years now has a girl best friend he's known for a bit longer than me. She's older than we are - she's about 22 I believe - and she goes to university while we're still in school.

My boyfriend calls her his sister which I never minded and still don't. I wasn't concerned about their friendship as I understood that they rarely talked, mostly just a handful of phone calls per month, and that they stopped being that close after she moved to Cologne from the small town we live in.

I became concerned about their friendship when I read some weird messages just from scrolling through his chats on WhatsApp. I read something along the lines of "you're constantly ignoring me while you know how much I miss you", and I asked him about it. He explained how their whole friendship and dynamic works, about how she's sensitive and how she loves friends extremely deeply and he tends to concentrate his attention on one person and then ignore the rest when he does that which then caused her to write something like that. In that moment it was me who got most of his attention while she and other friends were put on a lower priority. She didn't take that well at all.

In order to make up for the injustice she felt, they started hanging out a lot more in real life. While they were hanging out, all the attention was on her and the complaints decreased over time. But those hang outs went from irl hang outs to constant calls, her getting pinned on social media apps etc. I'm trying to talk myself out of being worried about these things because I trust my boyfriend a lot and he also constantly assures me they're just like siblings, and that their friendship is based on interests and nothing more.

I could live with how it was until that point, but then he told me he would be going to the other side of the country just to visit her for multiple days. She moved from Cologne to Berlin so the distance between us and her increased a lot, meaning the stay couldn't have been completed in one day. He proceeded to tell me that he would be sleeping over at her place for three nights and they would just do a bunch of stuff together like siblings.

That made me extremely uncomfortable. The idea of him being alone with a woman he's gotten fairly close with over the months makes me feel like throwing up, and like I previously mentioned, when one person gets his attention everyone else has to suffer. That's the place I am in at the moment. It's been a day since he arrived in Berlin and I'm waiting for him to come back home as I feel like I'm going crazy over nothing. I feel like I shouldn't feel this awful about the situation, but the stories of what they're doing don't make me feel much better. Everything feels like a date. They eat out all the time, watch movies and documentaries deep into the night, they're planning on going to a concert and go shopping together etc. I don't want to sound like a jealous and selfish girlfriend, but am I allowed to feel weird?

I could talk about the fact I find it weird how she's been talking to my boyfriend since he was 14 and she was 18 and how I find it weird that they suddenly became so close now that he's of age but that's another topic completely.

**TL;DR;**
In short, am I going insane or is it a valid reason to crash out if my boyfriend starts hanging out with a girl, who I find very weird btw, who begs for his attention a lot and he suddenly sleeps at said girl's place for multiple days while going on "hang outs" that look too much like dates? I literally have no idea what to tell him because I have already complained about their friendship once as I felt like there was something weird going on but I dismissed myself because I thought I sounded insane. Do I call them out again? I mean, I don't want to ruin a friendship just because I feel weird about it. Do I set a boundary which could make his girl friend mad as it would keep them from hanging out over multiple days in a row? I have no idea what to do without sounding crazy and stupid. I really just need someone to give an honest and genuine opinion. You can be rough and call me insane and delusional, I don't mind. If you tell me I am delusional I'll be more relieved than if you told me something really is going on.