u/PathVirtual6900

the main sub deleted my post it’s like they don’t want actual people with bpd they can’t handle anything too “ugly”

my fp is a fictional character and i can’t handle other people even knowing he exists you wouldn’t believe the things i do because other people know him and they know him in a really bad way they “like” him and pretend he’s a widespread joke i haven’t left my house or talked to another human or used social media in years i’m not looking for “help” i’ve been completely consumed by this obsession for decades and i’m ok with that i don’t ever want to be anything else i have spent every second of my life fully consumed by my fp and i do not exist outside of him, but i can’t handle what others have done to him i’ve cried so much and thrown up and have done horrible horrible things i can’t mention on here because of the things they’ve done i still remember things theyve done from years ago like the world moves on but i’m trapped in a time capsule of what they’ve done and it haunts me forever. i’m not even able to talk about the things i’ve done and what’s happened because this sub will delete it i never get to vent or talk to humans even on the rare occasions i’m not terrified of them for doing what they did i associate everyone as tied to doing what they did to him, but humans think i’m sick and shut me out this is the first time i’ve opened social media in years and it stings because i know this is the place where they touched my fp im crying by writing this. i couldn’t even handle deleting apps because that means i would have to look at them and it hurt so bad and was so traumatizing i would think about looking at just the apps years later and even that hurts so so fucking bad. anyways i’ve had ONE single outlet that i had because i’m utterly obsessed with my fp so i would commision art and stuff of him it was my one safe place it was all i had i didn’t care how much money i spent because i know i don’t ever want anything else never my whole life is just him and i’d never regret that, but i messaged someone and they replied with how theyd take the cop then said much they “used to be super duper obsessed with him” and put a heart with his signature color, i panicked really bad and relapsed HARD and threw up all over myself from the substance and pain they caused me it’s like it just keep building up everything they do to him just keeps adding and adding it doesn’t go away they just keep traumatizing and hurting me more and more and even tho i’ve been completely hidden from reality everyday i still know that they’re doing horrible horrible things to him every second and even if things were in the past it still happened time isn’t real to me it’s all blurred itd all one massive event happening forever. the only reason i haven’t killed myself is for reasons i can’t say because id just look more insane and it’s not like you can help me with that aspect anyways, but i don’t know what to do as of right now with what that person said about my fp, i made the smallest safe place and they found me there too and stabbed me in the fucking heart and i know i will remember this forever i cry not just because of what they did to him but because i know this will add to the billions of things that haunt me for years and years to come. i love him so much how can he just be a joke how can he be “fandom” how can other people grasp his existence how can anyone treat him like he’s just a character to be shared around to try and romantazise him and interact with each other over him and say horrible things about him when i love him so much and they don’t ever stop they don’t care about what they’ve done to me how could those horribke things they done be more important than my life and they act like it doesn’t matter but this has been the only and most important thing to me my whole life and they reduce that to nothing. like if i ended my life over what they’ve done they wouldn’t care they’d keep doing it because their horrible and meaningless actions will always be above my life