u/PeaNo692

I am having a limerence moment where I dream of walking in a night city alone and hoping to find someone or something to connect to. It’s not even the fact that I want it like actually going to a city and doing that, but the idea of doing it feels comforting and lonely at the same time.

I’ve been struggling with my relationship recently and not knowing where I stand with him, he wants to help me get through this however he can, but I’m stuck in an emptiness I can’t escape from right now. I used to use a lot of addictions like gaming, cbd gummies, art and whatever I could to not think about it. I used to think my relationship was going to make it go away forever but now that he relapsed, it’s all encompassing it feels like.

I’m going to these alnon meetings and coda and whatever but i don’t feel like I belong, and I haven’t gotten the courage to share either. I’m just stuck.

So I am currently engaged to an alcoholic, and I know this is going to be a rant of my life but I need a way to release this.

We been together for 4 years and throughout those 4 years I thought he had his addiction under control(foolish). Before realizing I was an addict myself, I saw exactly why I was attracted to this type of person. He was addictive by nature, avoidant but also would act like a care taker for me. We have a dog, and we have a life that I love to be a part of.

However, his alcoholism took control over one night where he started stumbling around and throwing stuff, I had a panic attack, because the shock of seeing the reality of who he was vs who he was in my head shook my whole world.

I do have trauma as a child that I probably didn’t address early on and used Limerence to help me to cope with my situation back then, and I would use limerence going forward hoping to find the “one” my rescuer. And guy after guy before him, I saw my pattern then, how desperate I was to fill that void. And all I can think now, we were both made to feed each others addiction, our attraction is so up and down but I want it to work so badly. I want to do the steps and therapy and whatever I can for a healthy relationship.

Is this possible?