u/Peach-Individual

i need to be cleansed of my past mistakes and the only way i can cleanse is by burning my hand that caused the mistakes. i dont want to say what the mistakes are. its like in old times when they cut off a hand when someone stole. i cant burn my hand bc it hurts too bad but i feel that the wrath is coming down on me. i can alr feel it. theres a foreboding and i can feel doom coming for me. my mom says it wont happen but im worried that she is sent by something else to intercept the will of god. i dont want to die but i can feel it. bad things are coming. i need help please please please im scared i really scared i dont want to be alone while its happening

the title is what ive done. Ive touched myself on the couch, chair, airbed that someone might have to use, and in the car in the garage. I dont know how to live w myself. i live w my mom and i feel so guilty. i really wish i had never done it and now i dont know how i can go on. i think about killing myself for making this mistake. i wish i could take it all back. I feel like a horrible, horrible person and that if my friends knew theyd hate me and stop being friends w me. Im losing sleep over this bc i dont know what to do. Last night i cried so much i threw up 3 times and then dry heaved for a bit. please say anything, i dont feel like i deserve help

im 20f, i used to go to catholic school, im messed up sexually bc my dad groomed me to be molested unless he alr did it and i dont remember

I feel even worse bc when i was 14/15 i slept in the same room as my mom but different beds and i thought it was ok to do sexual things like that around parents i swear to god i didnt know i never wouldve done it if i had known i had no clue i genuinely felt no guilt bc i didnt know i also never got the sex talk, period talk none of that my mom js asked me when i was abt 8-10 "u know abt sex right" and i said ya and that was it as long as i can remember ive always known what sex is but i didnt understand i used to flirt w older ppl online amd i liked it, i used to try and sell my feet pics when i was 15 bc i didnt understand why it was bad for someone my age to do that, i didnt understand anything

Edit: sorry to dissapoint everyone but im self harming i cant cope with this and on top of that when i was 14/15 and my mom and me were sleeping in the same room i used to do it while she was sleeping i swear to god i didnt know it was bad i thought it was completely fine i never got a sex talk i thought it was ok to do sexual things around ppl like ur parents as long as u werent being loud