Help: Currently involved with two guys and completely confused on what to do [23F]
I need some honest perspectives on my situation. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 years (we lived in the same city for most of it, but currently live 500 km apart while I’m studying). He is loyal, loving, and supportive, but we have very different definitions of "effort." To him, effort means shared hobbies, playing games, and having similar tastes. To me, effort means romantic gestures—like flowers, small gifts, planning dates, or coming to visit me. Because he is currently unemployed, he can't afford trips or dates, which I understand to an extent. However, what really bothers me is his lack of enthusiasm and a victim mindset—he blames his parents and circumstances for his career struggles rather than actively trying to fix them. I want a partner who actively strives to be successful. Last month, after a fight where we didn't talk for a couple of days, I impulsively installed Tinder and met a new guy. We hit it off immediately, exchanged Instagrams, and spent hours talking (1 a.m. to 6:30 a.m. the first night). Over the last month, the dynamic has shifted. He goes to the gym and sleeps earlier, so he spends less time talking to me. In a deeper conversation, he admitted to having toxic tendencies in past relationships, saying women usually leave him because he gives less time. He also doesn't know I have a boyfriend—he assumes I'm single and dating him. I realize I crave the attention and validation, but I also find myself wanting this new guy to fall in love with me. Now I’m stuck: How do I handle this dynamic with the new guy? Should I stay in my 8-year relationship, explore things with the new guy, or step back from both?