u/Perfect_Paint3935

so my sister (26) and i (28) have always been close, weve been each others sounding board our entire adult lives, we live about 20 minutes from each other and see each other most weekends, weve always been a physically affectionate family, lots of hugging, sitting close on couches, leaning on each other watching tv, my mum is the same way with both of us, its just how we grew up.

my in-laws were over for the weekend last week and on the saturday night my sister had come over to ours for dinner because shes been going through a rough patch at work and i wanted her to be around people, after dinner we all migrated to the lounge, my wifes parents had brought a couple of bottles of decent wine, my wife and her parents were drinking, my sister had one glass then switched to tea, and we put on a film. about an hour in my sister had basically melted into the couch next to me, leaning on my shoulder, half asleep, the same way weve sat on a couch since we were teenagers.

once the film ended my sister woke up, gave me a long hug, said goodnight to everyone, and drove home, my wife and her parents stayed up to finish the wine. a couple more glasses in, my father in law sort of cleared his throat and said he didnt want to say anything earlier but he thought it was inappropriate that i still cuddled with my sister like that at our age, that my wife had said the same to him in private before, and that he and my mil thought we should "be aware of how it looks."

i sat there for a second waiting for someone to laugh, my wife didnt, my mil nodded, my fil pressed on saying he loved me and he wasnt accusing me of anything, he just thought adult siblings shouldnt fall asleep on each other on the couch like that, that it was the kind of thing people noticed.

i told all three of them to fuck off and go fuck themselves, very plainly and without raising my voice, and then i went to bed.

they all want an apology noW

AITA?

Im in my second year of a PhD myself and its been a brutal slog. Ive seriously considered quitting more than once this year and my boyfriend has been there through every panic and every supervisor disaster.

My older sister defended her PhD on Saturday after seven years of part time work raising two kids on her own. Shes the first person in our family to get a doctorate, and our family is the kind where most of us were the first to finish high school. The whole thing was massive, and honestly it was the first time in my life Id let myself believe a PhD was something people like us were allowed to actually finish.

My boyfriend came along to the lunch our family put together after. Hes met everyone before and theyve always got on. Halfway through, a few of my aunts and uncles started doing toasts, and my sister asked me if I wanted to say something. I kept it short, said how proud I was of her and how much it meant to see one of us get there.

When I sat back down he leaned over and said quietly "really making this about you, arent we" with a half smirk. I gave him a look thinking it was a joke, and he added "saving the tears for the PhD we both know is never finishing?" still with the smirk.

I laughed because I didnt want my sister to clock anything was off in the middle of her day, and went straight back into the conversation. It sat in my chest for the rest of the lunch but I didnt bring it up there because the day wasnt mine.

Back at the hotel I told him quietly that the comment had hurt because he knows exactly where Im at with my own program. He said "are you still on that, it was a joke, you were getting so sappy I thought you were about to propose to your sister."

I said I didnt think it was funny and hed taken a moment Id been waiting for my whole life and made me feel stupid for caring. He said I was being sensitive and overthinking like always.

I packed my bag, called a friend, and left. Hes been texting since saying I made a scene out of nothing, chose a weird hill to die on, and that Im going to regret throwing away a good thing over a dumb comment.

Am I wrong?

My best friend and I have known each other since our second year of university. We are coming up on twelve years. For most of that time he has been one of the closest people in my life. We were each others groomsmen. I am the godfather of his daughter.

A bit of context. He has spent most of the last decade chasing entrepreneurial things. He has been part of three different startups, two of which folded and one of which he had to walk away from. He has had stretches of doing well and stretches of being between things. His wife works retail. They have a four year old.

The thing is when things are going well he has always spent like things will keep going well. A nicer apartment than they need. A car payment that does not fit the rest of the picture. A specific lifestyle. When things stopped working a few years back none of that deflated.

For about the last three years he has been asking me for help. The first time was a small loan to cover a tax bill. I said yes. The second time was helping with his daughters first birthday because they wanted to do something nice for her. I said yes. The third time was a car repair. I said yes. Each one was framed as a one off and I genuinely treated it that way.

It kept happening. By the end of the second year I had started quietly saying no to most of them. No speech. No big conversation. Just I cannot do that one this time. He always understood in the moment and then asked for something else a few months later.

Last weekend a mutual friend had a birthday dinner. After everyone had eaten he pulled me aside in the kitchen. We have a group trip planned for the spring that everyone has been saving for. He told me his family is really struggling right now and asked if I would cover his portion of the trip. He said he could not face missing it and he knew I could spare it

I told him I was done. I told him I had been quietly saying yes and quietly saying no for years and at this point I was not going to be his safety net anymore. I told him he had spent twelve years making choices that did not pencil out and expecting the people around him to bridge the gap. I told him those were his choices and his consequences and I was out.

He went off. Told me I had changed. Told me I had forgotten where I came from. Told me I had no idea what it is actually like to struggle.

I do feel bad. He has been one of my closest friends for over a decade. But the version of him I was friends with stopped being the main version of him a long time ago, and what is left is mostly the asking.

AIW?

my partner has been sober for two years. everyone in our lives knows this. it is not something we hide and i have been clear about it with anyone we spend time with.

we were invited to a party hosted by someone i considered one of my closest friends. she made a specific point when we arrived of telling us it was a dry event. my partner thanked her for it. we relaxed.

about an hour in my partner found me looking visibly off. not sick off. the specific kind of off that should not have been possible at a dry event. i got them out to the car and went back inside.

i asked her directly what had happened. she denied it while smiling at me. kept denying it while the smile got wider. and then when i pushed harder she said something about my partner that was so deliberately cruel i stopped being able to think clearly.

i destroyed something of hers that was nearby. it was expensive. i walked out.

my partner has been struggling since. two years of work and they are doing everything right but i can see what it is costing them every single day. they go to meetings. they call their sponsor. they hold on. and i watch them hold on knowing what caused it.

my former friend is demanding i pay for what i destroyed. people from the event are messaging me calling me a problem.

i do not regret a single word i said. i do wonder if putting my hands on her property crossed a line that the words alone would not have.

AITAH?