[Canada] Is this abuse?
important boundaries around privacy and nudity are not being respected here, and now my son has witnessed this.
I share my son 50/50 time with his dad. Dad has a girlfriend, been dating about a year. I believe they live together, or for all important purposes she spends her time there at least (my ex wont confirm or deny and it hasn't been an issue to me up until this point.)
She seems like a nice girl, we have had no issues. My ex and I are toxic as all hell and so avoid communication where at all necessary. Dad lives in a 1 bedroon apartment, and my son sleeps on a bunk above my exs bed. My son (9) came home from last visit saying that one morning he woke up and climbed down to pee, and dad's GF was completely naked, uncovered, and sprawled on the bed. He saw everything. He says he knew he wasnt supposed to, so he climbed back up and waited to go to the bathroom until after his dad and gf had woken up and got dressed. This just sat wrong with me. I dont think it was an intentional act of indecency towards my son, but my son does share a bedroom with them, and he shouldnt have to be greeted to a new day by his ex girlfriends bare parts.
They do have an air conditioner in their apartment, and they have a blanket which my son assumes fell off of her. I brought this, unceremoniously as with as much grace as a rhinoceros, to my ex, and asked if they could avoid having sex or having his girlfriend be naked and exposed 3 feet from where my son sleeps and wakes. He told me I was being stupid, and to kind my own business and stay in my own lane. I replied id be happy to show him just how far out of my lane im able to go if his girlfriend is exposed again in front of my son cause fuck that.
I again understand it was in error and not intentional however my son was uncomfortable and so am I. This girl already walks around in bras around my son and I dont love that but have rationalized she clearly is jusg a comfortable person as she has been in bras when I have dropped my son off and been casual about it. But this is just weird. What do I do? What SHOULD I do? I know this wasnt intentional but also know it isnt ok to my son to see that in his private space and be exposed to that in a room he shares with dad. I dont want to feel like im blowing it out of proportion...but Ive been known to send it a time or two as well so sometimes I gotta check myself . How do I communicate thid safely and I n a way dad will understand? My son knows safe bodies and public vs private and safe vs unsafe adults he knows all that.
Update: reached out to ex to try to address issue. Was told to stay in my own lane, that I cant control the rules there, and to mind my own business. Spoke with Child services, worker reached out to him to apparently "give him a warning". Said if my son reports it again, that they could maybe help. Ex has stated that he will be "having a serious talking to eith our son about lying" however I know wheb my son is lying and this was truthful. Ex told CAS worker GF had on undies and a bra. Son confirmed that was absolutely not true. Worker is going to come speak to my son next week herself. If this was a girl child and a man adult it would be taken seriously and im pissed that its not. Have told ex I will happily show him just how far out of my lane I am capable of going if his girlfriend ever expises herself to my son again, but im so creeped out and uncomfortable about it its not rigjt, im scared my son will not talk to me now after his "talking to" from dad. I feel like I cant protect him :(