Been riding the anxiety wave for about 5 hours now due to drinking
It was four cocktails. I haven’t seriously drank in around 6 months and today I decided to see if I could. It was great in the sense that I didn’t overdo it. I’m used to drinking 8 or 9 when I would drink. I definitely had a problem. I quit for these 6 months because of the insane anxiety attacks I would get in the middle of the night. Have been to the ER maybe 6-7 times bc of it and each time they told me I was fine, to stop drinking. The first time was sort of silly too. I drank one beer, got anxiety and then took a klonopin and freaked out that I was going to OD from the combo.
This time was different, drank 4 drinks in 4 hours, came home and slept like 3 hours and then took my klonopin. Was fine bc I was distracted by conversation for a few hours, but then when it was time for bed (this is like the 15th time to happen to me) I had a panic attack and now I’m on hour five of the wave coming down. First 2 hours were the worst. Threw up from the anxiety and then started feeling better. Writing this out helps me. I’ll probably delete. I have no problem with abstaining from alcohol from now on, but I wonder if I am an alcoholic and the anxiety attacks are the only thing that’s keeping me from drinking. The risk isn’t worth the reward. The risk is so intense. 4 drinks isn’t worth me staying up all night.
I also feel like I tried to do some sort of exposure therapy with the drinking to see if I could not overdo it and not have an anxiety attack. I didn’t overdo it in my opinion (if you disagree I totally understand) but I definitely got the anxiety attack.I know a lot of the things I’ve said in this text is not what a doctor or a therapist would recommend. They’d recommend I completely quit drinking for the rest of my life. I’ve made great progress on slowing down but alcohol was definitely a very close friend to me for quite a long time. Whether it be the anxiety, or my own will, I’m thankful I no longer binge drink the way I used to.