u/PetiteOlyviah

I'm on day 37. This is the longest I've gone in years. And for some reason I'm terrified. Like actually scared to keep going.

It feels messed up to even type that out. Who's scared of getting better? But it's true. When I think about actually being free from this I feel a weird anxiety. Like what will I even do with myself? Who will I be?

Porn has been this constant in my life for so long. It's been my crutch my escape my everything. And now that it's gone or almost gone I feel this huge void. Like a part of me is missing and I don't know how to fill it.

Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this? This weird fear of actually succeeding and breaking free? It's like I'm comfortable in the misery because it's familiar. And the unknown of being truly free is more intimidating than the known pain of addiction.

I want to break free I really do. But this feeling is holding me back. How do you push past this fear of the new you?

I have this friend who by all accounts is living their best life. They just got a big promotion at work they're in a great relationship and they're traveling a lot. But every time we talk they manage to make me feel terrible about myself. It's not overt criticism but more like subtle digs about my career choices or my apartment or just my general life path.

I find myself dreading their calls or texts because I know I'll hang up feeling deflated and inadequate. I've tried to hint at it or change the subject but nothing seems to work. Part of me feels guilty because they haven't done anything explicitly wrong and they're genuinely happy. But the other part of me just wants to protect my own peace.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is it okay to distance yourself from someone who isn't necessarily toxic but consistently makes you feel worse about your own life?

I'm still pretty new to investing. I started with a small amount mostly just to see what would happen. Now I find myself checking my phone after breakfast lunch and dinner. Sometimes even before bed. It's not a lot of money but I just get this urge to see the numbers. Is this normal or am I becoming obsessed already.