u/Playful_Sea_2334

I work at a small company of about 9 people. I got in there through an internship right after I graduated, then it turned into a full-time job, and over the 6 years I've been there, I somehow found myself with the title of VP (it's a small company, so probably everyone gets a title that sounds bigger than it really is).

We're pretty much always trying to scrape by, and I'm being paid less than what I should be getting for the amount of work I carry, because the company is always short on cash. Our income model is that we receive large but irregular payments instead of steady monthly revenue, so right now only me and three others are on salary. Everyone else is commission-only.

My manager has told me several times that as soon as things improve financially, he'll raise my salary, make me a minority partner, and things like that. Honestly, I believe he means it. He's a good person and has treated me well in many ways. But I don't think he's very good at managing the business side.

Now there's a much larger company with better funding, and I already deal with them a few times a month. I have a good relationship with someone fairly senior there, and they're looking for someone for a role that's almost perfectly suited to my experience. The benefits are much better, the work can be done remotely, and even the lowest number in the advertised pay range is about 60% higher than what I'm making now.

So practically speaking, I feel like this is the obvious and logical move.

The part that's confusing me is that at my current company, I handle most of the day-to-day operations. There are several important processes and client-related things that I'm the only one trained on and managing. If I leave, I genuinely think there's a real possibility that everything could fall apart, and the rest of the team could find themselves without jobs.

My brain is telling me to apply and think about myself. My gut is making me feel like I'd be abandoning people who depend on me. I need to hear an outside perspective.

I'm still a bit shaken up by what happened earlier, and I need someone outside the situation to tell me whether I'm seeing this correctly or blowing it out of proportion.

I stepped away from my laptop for about 45 minutes and changed my Slack status to OOO. While I wasn't there, the CEO messaged me and tried to call me there. I didn't see any of it because I wasn't online.

After that, he tried to call me on my mobile - but the problem is that he called an old number that I changed about 6 weeks ago. I had already updated the new number on Slack, so there was nothing I could do about a call going to a number I don't even have anymore.

Eventually, someone on the team managed to reach me and told me the CEO was looking for me, so I called him immediately.

As soon as he answered, he was extremely angry. He said things like:

"Are you even part of this company?"

"Do you want this job?"

"I don't care at all what your reason is."

I tried to say that my status was OOO and that he had called the wrong number, but he wouldn't let me finish. He told me that if I wanted to keep working here, he couldn't be forced to deal with "missed calls or unanswered messages" from me again. Then he moved on to another topic and ended the call.

The part that keeps going around in my head isn't just that he yelled. It's the idea that apparently my being unavailable for a short period of time, even though my status was clear and my contact information was updated, means to him that I'm not committed enough.

I do my work, I answer while I'm working, and I'm not someone who just disappears for no reason. But this situation made me feel like I'm supposed to be available every hour of the day with no room to be a normal human being.

Am I overreacting by thinking what happened was out of line? Or is this the kind of "normal" startup behavior that people just put up with?

I spent most of my twenties dealing with very severe depression. I don't have a college degree. I had my daughter when I was 30. The only things on my resume are that I worked as a waitress, hostess, and bartender. My husband makes enough for me to stay home with our daughter right now, but there's basically no money left over and we don't have financial security. I want to work and have a stable job with decent pay by the time she starts school. And I absolutely don't want to go back to working in restaurants or behind a bar.

What certifications or training programs could I finish in about 18 to 30 months that could realistically lead to a good job, like $60 or more? I'm looking for ideas because, honestly, I don't even know what options are out there.

INFO: I live in Mississippi, USA.

To clarify, I've always been good at school. I graduated high school in roughly the top 8 of my class. College is where things fell apart after some difficult and traumatic things happened to me, and that set me back for a long time. But I know I'm capable. I'm good at math, and in almost every job I've had, people told me I learn quickly.

My interests are baking/cooking, hiking, being outdoors in nature, secondhand shopping, working out, doing nails, and flipping things online when I find a good deal. But I'm not trying to choose a career based only on hobbies. I'm open to practical suggestions, even things I haven't thought of before.

I tried to leave my job at the beginning of this week. I'm currently making 90k and I got an offer from a good company for 105k. I had pretty much made up my mind to leave, even though the new role looks very intimidating and much more corporate than what I'm used to.

My manager clearly didn't accept the resignation. She basically asked me not to make a final decision right now, and told me to come back to her after a few days and tell her what I would need to stay. She specifically told me to think about the title, salary, and responsibilities I want. Honestly, I wasn't expecting that reaction at all.

Now I'm thinking of asking for 115k, a clearer path forward, and real help under me because the workload has become excessive. I don't know whether she'll agree or not, but part of me feels like I should at least put that on the table before I leave. The frustrating part is that I do like this job when I'm not burned out and drained all the time. I like the work and the people, I'm just very exhausted.

Has anyone been through something similar? Is it wrong for me to negotiate when I'm not 100% sure I'll stay? Should I ask for the 115k and the support, or accept the outside offer and move on?

I'd appreciate any advice.

Twelve years ago, I was finishing a very intense internship. I was motivated, had a strong CV, and thought I knew exactly where I was headed. The career I wanted was idealistic, international, unpredictable, and known for paying little. Money was never what drove me forward. I was very interested in social justice, but if I'm being honest, I also wanted adventure, growth, status, and the kind of influence that comes from doing important work.

Then I met someone, we got married, and we started a family. At first, I told myself we wanted the same life, but looking back now, I think she was reflecting my enthusiasm more than she wanted that path for herself. Once our oldest son was born, she became much less open to the idea of leaving her family behind for career opportunities.

So when the internship ended, I convinced myself to take a job with good pay that was close to where we lived. It was supposed to be a temporary stop. Of course, temporary turned into 12 years, because there was always a reason why "now" wasn't the right time for us to move. The money was excellent, and it made raising a family much easier. But this isn't what I trained for, and it certainly isn't what the younger, more ambitious version of me had imagined.

Now I have a house full of kids, I'm still in the same role, there isn't much room for me to move up, and I no longer feel any real passion for it. I feel like I gave up on myself, sold myself, and accepted a smaller life than the one I was supposed to live.

At the same time, I have real responsibilities now. I have children, and I can give them stability, a safe home, and a good education. I'm not going to tear all of that down just because I feel anxious and unsettled.

Maybe this is just the usual midlife spiral. But I can't shake the feeling that I betrayed the principles and dreams I had when I was younger and full of conviction.

Has anyone gone through this before? What did you do with this feeling? And how did you manage to make peace with it?

I have an interview coming up at my company for a higher role, and it's supposed to come with a very good salary increase. The problem is that the timing is bad, because it conflicts with one of my wife's cancer treatment appointments. I need to be there afterward, at least to drive her back and make sure she has rested and settled in.

I've already spoken to HR to see if they can move the interview to another time. Should I tell the hiring manager the real reason now? Or should I only explain it if they ask me directly?

I'm not sure whether bringing this up would seem inappropriate or too personal in this context.

At the moment, only my manager and a few people close to me at work know what's going on.