feeling lost and discouraged. how to commit and start again.
hi all! i hope everyone has enjoyed their weekend thus far. 💘 before i begin, i would like to disclose i will be talking about calorie counting and forms of disordered eating in my post so if this is sensitive to anyone, you may want to skip. i originally posted this on the intuitive eating board as that is what i am working on but thought i may be able to get some good feedback here as well.
i have recently begun my intuitive eating journey, i’m currently reading the book and have been trying to implement the practice over the past couple weeks but; i am really struggling with it.
over the past four/five years i’ve struggled with food: yo-yo dieting, bingeing, extreme deficits, etc. every food i eat in a withdrawal from the calorie balance and every activity i do is a deposit and that’s how i’ve processed it for so long. i really resonate with so many testimonials in the beginning of the book discussing how dieting has ultimately failed and becomes a viscous cycle. however, i am struggling horribly to get it out of my head.
today, i worked again to eat when i’m hungry, not having any food rules, and stopping when i’m feeling good and satisfied. i allowed myself to eat a crepe (win!) but oh gosh do i feel horrifically guilty. i couldn’t stop myself and looked up the calories for it and i feel so awful and disgusted with myself. i would be lying if i said this hasn’t been a repeated issue since i started trying intuitive eating. i think deep down i am so afraid of gaining weight that i cannot allow myself to fully dedicate myself to the process. i also am extremely active with things i love (not just for calorie burn but i do view that as a big positive) so there is a part of me that fears looking like i don’t work out and feeling like a failure.
how do people make it looks so effortless? all the girls on tiktok who show their what i eat in a day and have whatever but look so good? if there is anyone who can resonate with me, please share how you got through this stage? i have a couple of close friends around me who can understand but they have not committed to eating intuitively as i am trying to so we’re on a little bit of different pages.
any thoughts or suggestions are so greatly appreciated. thank you! 💞 wishing everyone healing.