u/Plus_Zookeepergame_1

Went on a jackpot tear on slot 4 different machines playing on 10 cent denominations hit the jack pot 4 times walked out with 7500 bucks and I went thru Missouri and stupidly stopped at a casino to press my luck again lost it ALL in 2 hours on table black jack.
I bragged to my friends and family that with my winnings life is looking up for me and I’m gonna get a car when I come home(Otr trucker) and move forward with my life. If I tell them I lost it they’re gonna be extremely disappointed in me so I’ll have to lie for a few weeks I don’t even want to go home now. I’m so disappointed in myself and on top of that I didn’t get paid today because the last load I did was short and minus taxes and fees I end up with 0 dollars. I definitely jinxed myself telling everyone so that’s what I get I wasn’t trying to brag but to let them know I’m doin good
Definitely contemplating ending right now but I needed to vent.

As a 27-year-old truck driver and Marine Corps veteran, I find myself frequently on the road due to the numerous states with casinos. While I have experienced both significant wins and substantial losses, I feel compelled to chase my losses.
My income is consistent, as I receive payments every first of the month being a veteran and I get paid every Friday being a truck driver. Despite this, I am often broke by the end of each Friday, especially when a casino is nearby. I am uncertain about the root cause of this issue. Even when I win a substantial amount, I am drawn to the casino, driven by the desire to double my winnings. For instance, this morning, I withdrew $300 from a small casino in Oklahoma and flipped it into $1,300 from a jackpot(big bets). Subsequently, I used the remaining funds from the $300 to win $750 on a different slot machine.Also I have never played craps in my life, yet I tried the game out today and won at least $750 two or three times. I should have left when I was ahead that craps machine took me for everything I had wins, and what was in my account, but I am unable to resist the allure of the casino. I am unsure whether I am chasing losses or not, and I am filled with fear.
I am currently trying to secure a house, which will be my first. I have been separated from my wife for a year, and I am unsure if it is guilt or karma for my actions in our marriage. I am still grappling with the cause of my gambling behavior whenever I am financially strained. I constantly dwell on “should’ve,” “would’ve,” and “could’ve” moments, contemplating how I will overcome this addiction and establish a plan to avoid gambling next week. However, when next week arrives and I have money in my account, I am immediately drawn to the urge to try and recover my losses from the previous week. At this point, I am experiencing severe negative thoughts. I lost $1,800 today, and I just received my paycheck today. I even scheduled one of my debts to be paid off today and now it cannot be taken out. It is absurd.
I am writing to express my frustrations and acknowledge that I have a problem. Despite my awareness of this issue, I am hesitant to seek help. I often make excuses, claiming that I am on the road and lack the time for assistance. I believe I can resolve this problem myself, but I recognize that these are just words. This is another reason why I am reluctant to contact the helpline, as I am uncertain about the effectiveness of words alone.
I don’t know what to do and I’m scared