Does anyone else feel like they lose male friendships after coming out?
I'm a gay guy and I live in a community where almost everyone around me is straight.
I've noticed a pattern over the years. I'll become friends with a guy, we'll get along well, joke around, hang out, and things feel completely normal. Then, at some point, I tell him I'm gay.
After that, something changes.
It's not that anyone says anything openly homophobic. Instead, they become more distant. They stop opening up to me, stop inviting me to things as often, and it feels like I'm no longer "one of the guys." The friendship doesn't usually end overnight—it just slowly fades.
The weird part is that I'm still the exact same person. Nothing about our friendship changes except that they now know one more fact about me.
At the same time, I also find it difficult to build close friendships with women because I'm still a guy, and a lot of them understandably have boundaries around male friendships.
Sometimes it feels like I'm stuck in this weird middle ground where I don't fully fit into either group.
I'm not looking for pity. I just want to know if anyone else—especially other gay men—has experienced this. Is this a common experience, or have I just been unlucky with the people I've met?