(I have been at a normal weight before but the weight loss was much more rapid and I had nutrition deficiencies. This time, it took a year and a half and was slower. But, I feel much healthier, am losing around a pound a week, and exercising daily!)
In addition, I’m also saving money from cooking more and eating less, and have started to budget every dollar.
Cat is 13 and still managed to dispatch a mouse sometime today, I found it dead while I was vacuuming and freaked out!
I’m terrified of bugs in particular but not fond of most household pests. But, no one was here to help me or dispatch it. No parents, no bestie, no ex.
So I (wo)manned up and threw it away. I feel accomplished but also want to shower in bleach and rush my cat to the vet!
It’s not much, but it’s mine. I got married at 23, and my ex handled all of the finances for over a decade. My parents were also controlling, so you could say I met the new boss, same as the old boss. Long story short, there was a lot of hidden debt, poor priorities, and even taking out a loan in my name without my consent or knowledge involved. It’s neither here nor there, but my ex was also verbally abusive and frequently told me, towards the end, that I would never make it on my own.
Ex moved out last November, and I was flailing, depressed, and being very, very frugal, because I didn’t know anything about anything, financially. I have no credit on my own. I have done my taxes exactly once, this year. I don’t really know what’s reasonable to pay for things, or how to read loan agreements.
In March, I got YNAB, and set a very basic budget by averaging my last three months of spending by category. This, at least, let me calculate for rent, food, pet food and care, utilities, Internet, and gym costs.
I was so shocked to see my actual income versus basic expenses that I nearly fell over. I wasn’t the money problem in my marriage and life after all! So, I added $40/week for food outside the house, a line for toiletries and house stuff, and decided to prioritize saving for my cat to have a more complex bit of veterinary care that was put off before, because we never had money for anything, and pay off debt.
By the end of March, I was debt free except for my student loans and put down a portion of payment for a special vacation I really enjoyed before that I always used to have to fight with my ex about doing. Once, they actually said “you save everything for that, like, look, I’m going to use this quarter I found in the couch for vacation!” But, it’s great value for money, about $1500 all included to go to the same place I went to as a kid for summer camp for six days as an adult and learn the skills in the same environment with other adults. I can’t express to you here how much I love it there. It’s like being able to go back to Hogwarts.
In April, I bought new clothes and finished paying for the vacation. Do not let me into the Lululemon store again!!! My “stuff I forgot to plan for” category was way up. Then, I left for vacation on my birthday and almost cried when my teacher noticed and gave me a piece of cake. My ex hadn’t acknowledged my previous birthday. And I was able to go shopping while on the trip and buy a classmate a beer.
In May, I fully funded the cost for my cat’s vet stuff, came back from vacation, and started planning for my next one! There are two a year, in spring and fall. That’s my next want.
I’m now actively planning for something I want, have almost $7.5k in an emergency fund, and am able to give my cat what she needs. This month is already fully funded except for my next vacation. June essentials are already funded.
Thank you to YNAB. For showing me I’m not stupid or incompetent. I just wasn’t taught. I used to dread paydays for me, because it seemed like my ex and I were constantly in the hole days before it, and I couldn’t question their spending decisions whenever we had money. But now, I love them. I assign my money to my priorities! And we weren’t spending more than we made. My ex was. Not me. The data bears that out.
My income can be variable, and I have had 2-3 very good months, but now I know what I cost to exist and am defining what’s important to me.