u/Poopinmysocks

I am rewatching all the seasons and just watched KC's first scene. I know we had been worried that maybe her mother (Jacob's wife) passes, but I think some Goodwin drama maybe gets brought up again. When she meets Kat again, she says "families ripped apart.....want to get to know my family in a new way... want to get away from my dad for the Summer" The writers had to have had more planned for her character. And why is she so desperate to know Kat? Something happens where the family gets ripped apart, she barely knows her aunt, and wants to be away from Jacob? Hmmmm

Not sure how to keep this short but Ill try. Ive been with my husband for many years. We were not even 21 when we met and sre mid 30s now. In the early stages of our relationship he was flirty with coworkers. I broke up with him when we were in our mid 20s because I had set a boundary regarding the flirting. It took me a year to let him back into my life. Over the years, he grew so much as a person. He truly is a wonderful guy. He isn't quick to anger, hes so funny patient, a hard worker, we really are best friends. But. There is always a but, right?

3 years ago when we had a 3 year old and a 6 month old, he began spending a lot of time texting. He would hold his phone in a way where I couldn't see who he was messaging. I finally snooped and saw a group chat with 2 female and 1 male coworkers who were 19 at the time. The chats weren't anything crazy, a few jokes I didn't like. But in the chat he seemed like a totally different person, basically like a young kid. He also had individual texts with the 2 girls and one of them had 300 deleted text messages so clearly they talked a lot. I know at this point the answer is "are you stupid. Leave him." Thats the advice I was given at the time and i did threaten to divorce him. I 100% do not think any of it was sexual and can almost guarantee it, please don't get hung up on proving me wrong. Was the intention to eventually be sexual? How could I ever know, but it really seemed seemed more like banter. I do know he very much thrives off of making people laugh and being the center of attention. When I finally confronted him he told me he wanted to tell me about these friendships but feared that I would make fun of him because I often made jokes about his female coworkers and whether or not he was attracted to them due to his past flirtyness. He said he didn't want me to think that he was flirting. There were so many times he could have casually brought up the friendships because so often i would say "im sorry you don't have any friends at work" meanwhile I find this group chat and pictures of the coworkers. The whole thing was bizarre to me. I told him i needed honesty about everything. He went on to explain that he does have a porn addiction because i told him I don't trust anything about him anymore. We ended up working it out but I knew deep down I could never trust him again. We did marriage counseling which I didn't find helpful.

There's just so many wonderful things about him and also areas where he falls short which is the same truth for me as a wife. I just can't shake constantly wanting to check his phone or find out what hes doing on his computer. Hes a great dad, pays all the bills, we have so much fun and so much history together. He showers me with admiration though struggles to get me a birthday gift or a mother's day card. I just feel so unsure because we have discussed all of this before and I feel like he feels that hes doing his best and giving me all he has to offer by working hard, cooking, cleaning, being a great dad and a loving husband, its like, what more could I want? And yet our sex life still suffers and i feel just a lack of deep connection and understanding. I just don't feel that he ever took accountability for lying to me and hiding these friendships. I truly don't think I've ever been controlling and actively encourage him to make friends, go spend time with friends, fly across the country to visit his friends if he wants. The mistrust is due to his poor choices in the past and lack of accountability. I just feel like for him its in the past and i dont even know what to say if he asks how to regain my trust. So. What do I do? Do i learn to truly forgive? How can I move on and stop holding it against him when im still so hurt by my closest friend? I know people are so quick to shout divorce but realistically i do love him, i enjoy him, and we have a great family. Please be somewhat gentle with your responses, i have been through a lot the past year with other family (my mom almost died and is in a nursing home, isnt the same person) I am grieving a lot and am 5 months post partum with our third.