Hanging in there but I'm so hurt
Since January 2024 I’ve been carrying something emotionally that changed me more than people realize. What hurts the most isn’t even the diagnosis sometimes, it’s the shame people attach to it. The jokes, the “dirty” comments, the way people talk about others like they deserved it or asked for it. What a lot of people don’t know is this happened to me after my first time ever being intimate with someone. I trusted somebody I shouldn’t have trusted and my life changed after that. I’ve always struggled with insecurities and not fully loving myself, and honestly this experience made those feelings even worse. But at the same time, I also think my insecurities are part of what put me in that position in the first place because there were red flags I ignored that I probably wouldn’t ignore now. I’ve spent a long time crying about it, blaming myself, feeling embarrassed, and feeling like I got punished for something that hurt me too. Sometimes I still cry talking about it because I’m not fully healed from it yet. But I’m starting to realize a diagnosis does not make someone dirty, unlovable, or less human. It doesn’t tell somebody’s story. It doesn’t tell people what happened to them or how deeply they’ve struggled afterward. I’m still healing, but I wanted to say this for anybody else silently carrying the weight of stigma every day.