Bad feeligs toward a senior family member who hoards
I have an elderly family member whom I love. She is a kind and smart and loving, and she is a hoarder. How bad is it? Last year, she fell in her apartment and called 911 when she could not get up, which was the right thing to do. When the medics came, they were unable to enter her place because of all her stacks of stuff. They reported her to the county.
In short, due to being "discovered", her cousin and I were granted permission to "declutter" while she was in the hospital and nursing facility. It was hard, overwhelming, emotional and time-consuming. I was glad to do it because it needed to be done, and I considered it an act of love. We did a darn good job and also hired an organizer to make a system to store items that were meaningful enough to keep.
She started to re-hoard even before she got home. I was helping her to pack up from the hospital and I said, "Oh here, let me recycle that hospital menu. You won't need that." Of course she did need to keep it.
Before all this, her hoarding was annoying to me and it didn't make sense. Now, as I see the worthless items like junk mail beginning to cover all the surfaces of the apartment again, I feel angry and resentful at her. Every item I see her save, I feel like she is adding to the burden that I will have because she is quite old and it will be MY job to deal with it, eventually. I love her and I don't want to continue to be angry and resentful at her, but I can't get over those feelings. (I visit her in her place because she is quite old and it is hard for her to get out.)
Your thoughts, please? I realize this problem is me.