My Fiancé (25M) reenlisted in the army in the middle of the night and left without telling me (23F). What now?
Against my family I got together with my fiancé at the beginning of 2024. At the time he was jobless and relying on VA benefits but promised to do better by becoming a cop, electrician, EMT, etc etc. Lots of career promises and than he would change his mind. He had me invest thousands of dollars into a buisness for him which he had from July 2024 to end of 2025. He was previously army with 4 years in on the first go, and never verbalized how much he missed it until Sept 2025.
My fiancé 25M started paperwork to join the military at the end of 2024 without telling me and left three weeks ago.
He didn’t even tell me he left. He packed up his stuff in the middle of the night and drove away, then when I woke up, he was already halfway there to his new base. I didn’t get a note or a call or anything . When I called him, he was super apologetic and told me he would do everything in his power to fix this. I asked how do you fix abandonment and he couldn’t answer. He later admitted he was just gonna let time pass as his way of fixing it and time would heal it and we would be better. I asked multiple times how he would heal this and rebuild the trust and he said to just trust him.
a couple days later he said it was my fault that he did this. He needed to get away from my emotionalness. In hindsight I was very clingy, I liked him being around I would make him lunches for work do his laundry and just wanna do everything for him. I always wanted a hug or kiss and he would always brush me off or give me a half hearted one. I LOVED having him around I would ask him to come to by house by the time I got home from work, he would always be trying to leave and I would literally beg him to stay if I had work the next day cause I knew I’d miss him so much. Also I took control of the finances after the buisness did really poorly and every single month he would spend a good amount of the money in whatever he wanted while I would pour my savings into keeping it going. (I had life insurance money from a death in 2024)
I gave him three weeks instead of leaving instantly after he left to see if he really missed me and was sorry. Since leaving he would be out with his new military friends, doing whatever, he would call me for about 10 minutes a day and every time I would bring up the issue he would say he had to go or get frustrated with me. He kept saying don’t worry I’ll fix it and would never elaborate how. In addition he told me he wasn’t giving me his life insurance from the military that would go to his mom or an organization. (This was not even brought up he randomly brought it up one night which was frustrating after giving away my life insurance money)
last night I broke it off and I’m absolutely devastated. I just want him back and I feel like I will do anything just to fix the relationship. Is it worth even saving? He told me that he was going to change and become a better man and come back and he would never leave me again, but I can’t help but to feel that he would leave me at any time now if we were to get back together because he already did it before.
I don’t think he wants any other girls, because he told me he was gonna wait for me and come back a better man and he promises that this army stuff was gonna change him for the better but do people really change? He says he’s gonna change and be more present, stop neglecting me, be more loving.
I would do anything for this to work out, but at the same time, I cannot just let someone leave me without any remorse. He has been basically heartless this entire scenario. When I broke up with him last night, he said that he was going to wait for me and come back, but he hasn’t even reached out since the break up. It’s been silence. He texted he loves me after I texted him I was done and to move on after leaving me on read for a few hours.
I keep checking my phone every minute to see if maybe he texted me but he hasn’t and he knows I’m someone who needs a good amount of reassurance and he hasn’t even given me that.
I’ve been crying for days, and I know in my heart he doesn’t even care but I want him back. He was my person and my soulmate and I could have saw myself marrying him. He let me book the venue and buy my dress knowing he was leaving. The night before he left he didn’t even say goodbye he looked me in the eyes really long with tears and than when I asked if he was ok he said yes and left. I want him back I love him more than anything.
Edit- he bought the ring to propose around a year ago and did not propose until after he got his ready to ship papers for the military arrived and he proposed a couple days after getting that.
If anyone reads this, what do yall think? Idk if I start moving on or wait for him to come back better. I would give anything for him to work it out. He was my first relationship, I didn’t have any boyfriends before him.
I think he still wants me but he told me before that he wants to be the sole person in charge, he doesn’t want to be questioned ever, and I have to have complete faith in him. I told him marriage is teamwork and he said he’s gonna change is fine compromising with me, either I move to his base and get married or do long distance until than. Than when I broke it off he said I can’t “unring the bell” and that were broken up now and it’s my fault for doing it and one day we’ll be together again. His contract is 3 years tho.. I can’t wait like that.
Edit- he previously served so no boot camp needed, he went straight to his new station
Edit- he never addressed the issue of me being too clingy, he would always make a side remark of me being too clingy but than saying he was just joking and he liked it