r/MilitaryWives

Throwaway because they don’t know yet. I’m going through a divorce and my attorney obtained multiple chat logs involving my spouse and multiple people in the Army. Everything from regular messages to WhatsApp, Signal, Snap, you name it, it’s there. I don't know how Army commands work or what the right things is, so I’m trying to make sure I don’t do something wrong.

Am I allowed to bring those chat logs to my spouse’s command during the divorce, or should I wait until after everything is finalized? I’m also worried about whether there could be legal or privacy issues with sharing them, even though my attorney got them. Any advice from people who know Army procedures, JAG, or have dealt with something similar would really help.

Anyway, I’ll take a triple cheeseburger meal with a small Diet Coke.

Currently serving in the marine corps and the mother of my son cheated on me and I found out on my first leave. Not exactly the right subreddit to talk to but I want to know the psychology of having a military spouse and why it's hard to wait for them. I had 9 months left in my contract.

i just found out that im pregnant today and i leave for the army in about 5 weeks. i quickly ordered some pills and will possibly take them by monday. my husband just left roughly a week or two ago for basic training so im alone. this is very hard for me and i don’t know if it’ll conflict with me shipping off. help

Me and my fiancé have been together 2 years now, he’s swearing into the national guard the 29th, that being said he leaves in November. He will get a housing allowance of 1,500 our rent is 650 and as of now we pay equal cause we both make 14 an hour, split is 325 plus utilities which is usually 100 each and groceries usually are 200 for 3 weeks of groceries. That being said he will have the 1,500 to help pay rent and utilities but he still insists on paying 50/50 even though he will be making 2x more than me and what he does now. Even if he paid more than what he does he will have thousands left over of disposable income. Should he pay more? I work full time and I never have any money left to do fun things because I usually buy groceries and he never helps.

Here’s what I sent him

Your estimated National Guard housing allowance alone (which will be at least $1,341.00+ a month in North Carolina) will completely cover your entire $617.50 share of rent, utilities, and groceries. You will still have over $720.00 left over from his housing allowance alone, plus his full $2,407.12 military base salary untouched. Meanwhile, I will finally have an extra $142.50 a month to build an emergency fund, pay off debts, or save for your shared future.
And that’s a giant difference in money and it’s fair for me to want to pay less when you’re going to be swimming in cash

Hey everyone, my boyfriend has gone away for a little while and we’ve both been struggling with it a bit and I wanted to do something nice for him. I’m not sure if anyone has any cute little present ideas that they have done for their partners or anything. I don’t really have any ideas to be honest which isn’t very helpful but hopefully someone will know the sorta thing I’m thinking of 🤣.

I’m a relatively new army wife. Seems like almost every other wife I meet swings. Is it really this common? Why?

Hey everyone I have an interview next month and husband will be underway. I wanted to ask if anyone has experienced it and how it went. I also wanted to ask what the interview is like for a military couple active duty. Thank you

Hi so I (24f) met this guy (26m) two weeks ago and he is leaving for his deployment (it’s a six-nine month deployment out of the country) in a few days. In that time we have had one date, two phone calls, and we text constantly to get to know each other.

I am seeing him for the last time this week and I don’t know how we are going to leave things. I feel like he may ask to go exclusive in which case I am unsure. This is only my second relationship if he asks me to be his gf.

Should I accept if he asks? I personally see no way of it working it out as we barely know each other and also deployments are hard I have heard. He is not great at phone calling and while I do feel the connection and spark I don’t think it would be in my best interest to fall in love with someone over the phone that I barely know… I get attached really easily and know I would be miserable if I let myself fall in completely.

What I would like is to get to know him better and possibly go exclusive maybe later into his deployment or when he gets back but I’m afraid if I say that he may see it as I wanna date around while he’s gone. I am not planning to but I also don’t want to be tied down by someone I barely know cause it’s only in his best interest to have a gf waiting at home. I don’t think he would think of it this way but I also have no way of knowing. I really really really like this guy already and feel like there is a good chance of it working out long term… how do I tell him how I feel? Or should I just commit if he asks?

Also how would I explain that I want to see effort if he really is interested? It’s so early I can’t exactly nail him to call me at xyz time but I mean I wouldn’t mind if he sent flowers while he was gone or wrote a letter or did something nice. I want to feel like he is thinking about me if he really was interested in pursuing.

Does anyone think it’s even worth committing to being exclusive gf/bf before he leaves?

Trying to confirm I’m reading the reg right before I go back to finance.

My spouse and I are both in the National Guard. I’m currently on a Title 10 mobilization — on active-duty orders, drawing basic pay and BAH. My spouse is also Guard but is traditional M-Day — drilling status only, not on any orders, so they aren’t drawing basic pay or BAH. No kids, no other dependents. We own a house.
When I went to update my BAH (DA 5960 in IPPS-A), the default assumption was the usual dual-military rule: “you’re married to another soldier, so you’re both without-dependent.” That didn’t sound right for my case, so I went into the DoD FMR and found this:

DoD 7000.14-R, Volume 7A, Chapter 26 (“Housing Allowances”), para 4.5.1.2 — One Service Member Enters a Non-Pay Status (May 2025 edition):

“When one Service member enters a non-pay status, the other Service member may claim the Service member not entitled to pay and allowances as a dependent and be authorized to draw BAH or OHA at the with-dependent rate for the duration of the non-pay status, if otherwise authorized, unless a dependent is confined in a penal or correctional institution. A Service member may claim as a dependent a Service member on inactive duty for training (Reserve drills).”

Because my spouse is in a non-pay status (M-Day / drilling = inactive duty for training, not on AD entitled to basic pay), I can claim them as a dependent and draw BAH at the with-dependent rate while they stay in that status. The “both without-dependent” dual-military rule (para 4.5.2) only applies when both of us are entitled to basic pay — which we’re not right now.

Questions for anyone who’s actually been through this:
1. Am I reading 4.5.1.2 correctly, or am I missing something?
2. Has anyone processed this in IPPS-A? Did finance accept it, and what Housing Type did you pick — plain “With Dependents” or one of the “Dual Military” options?

I’m looking for advice on how to report misconduct involving my fiancé, who is in the U.S. Air Force.
We’re engaged (not legally married), and I have evidence that he paid for sex while he was deployed. I have screenshots of the messages arranging it.
I also have evidence that he had a sexual relationship with one of his subordinates while she was a lower-ranking Airman under him. Again, I have screenshots and other documentation.
My concern is that he works in Security Forces and is highly respected at his unit. He is often involved in handling reports and investigations, so I’m worried about whether reporting this through his chain of command would actually be handled fairly.
What is the proper way to report this? Is there an office outside his unit that would investigate to avoid a conflict of interest? Has anyone been through something similar?
I’m not looking for revenge. I just want to make sure the report goes through the appropriate channels and is handled impartially.

So I’ve been going through this process for what feels like the past nine years. Every single day it feels like there’s been another piece of paperwork that I need to complete and no one really has real answers. I did the medical forms for my children and included the visit note from the appointment from their physical. Their doctor was actually really thorough and gave me a whole summary about where they are at in their history and it was like five pages. I submitted that two weeks ago and My Husband just texted me this morning and said that they need visit notes from their last physical, so I guess I’m just confused if I didn’t give them the right thing or if that doesn’t count. I am so at a loss and the deadlines tomorrow.

Hi all, I wanted to come here to ask TBI survivors their point of view. My bf is in the army stationed over seas we do long distance for the past year. Because of the distance he broke up with me I tried to talk to him a week after and he told me fell in the shower and was diagnosed with a TBI he has a history of concussions. He told me he was having sx of losing memory, getting mad easily, couldn’t sleep, headaches etc. I’m trying to be there for him at least through a phone call but he’s pushing me away I can’t go over there with him due to personal reasons. But I wanted to know people who have gone through this what was the recovery like? Do I give him space? Will he eventually reach out to me? Will the TBI affect the break up process? I want to reach out but I fear he might block me if I keep reaching out to him. What is the point of view of a TBI survivor when it comes to breakups?

my boyfriend is currently at bootcamp, he's going to Pensacola for A School, can i move in with him?

My husband is currently in Navy boot camp and is expected to go to A School in Pensacola afterward. I’m trying to understand how it works for spouses.

Has anyone here been able to move to Pensacola while their spouse was in A School? Were you allowed to live off base together, or did you have to wait until after A School? How long was the process, and do you have any advice?

Hey ladies.

I have been dating a helicopter pilot program manager that I met on Bumble for about two months. We have had hours of a gap in communication but he always surfaces. Well this time our communication just stopped abruptly. I haven’t heard from him in a week. His phone is on and rings and texts are delivered. I have been to his house so I know he is not married or anything. I’m not even worried about that. My concern or question is would this be considered normal? I do want to note he submitted retirement paperwork two weeks ago and he served 27 years and deployed 11 times. I just don’t want to assume the wrong thing and give up on him if it’s just part of his duty.

Um i never thought id be sharing this here but i am in ldr with an army man we have been together for 8 months now and hes great he makes time for me he calls me whenever he can and he comes to see me whenever he gets a day off even though we live far. So hes great but whenever he is under stress he kind of ghosts me and i get so anxious here and insecure that hes leaving me. Recently we met and then we both went back to life. He is so loving when hes near me anyways we went back and he ghosted me after 3 days, i kept texting him so he randomly responded one day and told me that hes alright hes just stressed (smth happened he told me) i tried to console him and he said he is not going to leave me he loves me etc. Then i called him the next day he was so dry but he said i will be ok once this is over (he also has a special course going on this semester which was already tiring him before he ghosted me).
Now the issue is this time his disappearance has prolonged than usual and i constantly see him using snapchat and instagram but he ignores all my texts and calls like they dont exist. What do i do

Learned about this so flagging it for anyone early in the process, a lot of degree programs that look perfectly reasonable online turn out to require state specific licensure to work in the field. Teaching, counseling, social work, and some healthcare adjacent tracks, the degree transfer fine, but the license doesn't, and rectifying in a new state after every pcs is a real job in itself. The programs that tend to hold up across moves are the once where credential at the end is either nationally recognized or employer-evaluated rather than state board controlled. IT, cybersecurity, business, public administration, emergency management, intelligence studies. These fields don't have a licensing board in a new state waiting to tell you that yours hours don't count.

Not saying avoid all of those fields entirely, some spouses make the licensure path work, especially if the service member's career is likely to keep them in for a longer stretch, but for anyone who knows they're looking at multiple duty stations in multiple states over the next decade, check the licensure requirements for the specific job you'd want at the end of the degree before committing to the program.

Hello All!

If it were you first move, where would you begin?

In need of advice for our first PCS. My husband is in A school at Fort Lee in Virginia. We are Navy. He is done with A School July 24th so we have literally a month to move. He got assigned to San Diego and we’re moving from Portland, OR. Where do I begin? How do I initiate the move, how do I apply for housing? Idk what to do because he’s so busy there we barely have time to talk and I wanna get the ball rolling ASAP! There’s so many little things to consider and I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed.

My husband told me yesterday before he arrived at base that I would receive a call from him in 72 hrs reading off a script basically giving me information about how to contact him through letters. I was wondering if anyone knows what else he would be telling me besides where to send my letters or what other information.