r/MilitaryWives

Is there a specific attire for family day and basic training graduation?

I have no clue what to wear 🫣

my daughter is graduating from HS on Thursday. And all the emotions are driving me crazy. No gr party because we have literally no family (neith, me nor my husband have siblings, his parents passed and mine are in Germany - and they don't understand the American graduations anyways). We really not close with anyone who lives around here - that's fine we can deal and she is kind of used to it anyways. Ex military family so we never really got to lay down deep roots. We will take her to a nice dinner and that will be just fine. What really hurt my heart for her though was that she started making a wish list for her dorm mainly and looked at me earlier, started laughing and said | actually don't know why I'm even making this - I have no one to send it to. I know she laughed about it but I could tell it bothered her a little given that all her friends are telling her about everything the are getting in the mail already. And then she cried. Real tears. This child hardly ever cries and it's not something I'm used to. She will get what she needs but I think to her, half the fun of this is just getting surprise "gifts" and just feeling "loved" because someone thought of her. Everything is so emotional right now with all these big chnages and her feeling "excluded"

It's such a "first world" problem and I am not a "gentle parent" but that shouldn't mean | can't be a little sad for our situation. Thanks for coming to my whining and thank you for any advice

So my husband has been in for 12 years, has lots of coins and I know he has been wanting one of those big american flag wooden displays for his office. I was thinking about getting one for our 4th anniversary gift but is that a weird occasion for that? I can't think of anything else at the moment that would be something he actually wants.

I was thinking of engraving a note on the back, that wouldn't be visible when hung up, just saying I'm proud of him for his accomplishments etc and happy anniversary. Or would that ruin it/not be wanted from a military member? Thanks!

this has been one of my issues lately. since both me and my partner are young (21) i’ve noticed a lot of problems with my friends disapproving of my partner joining the marines. i try to explain that its mostly for the money, insurance, stability, and etc but nobody has understood it much and will fight me against it. i do have friends who openly say the ‘disprove’ of it, but they’ll continue to talk to me even if he doesn’t. my partner doesn’t have many friends himself, so he doesn’t have to deal with explaining it, but still?

Built this because I got tired of manually checking dozens of AMC passenger terminal PDFs every day.

This is a Space A Tracker with
• live flight listings
• terminal/location pages
• seat/status tracking
• email notifcations for routes or destinations

Still improving it, but it’s already functional and saving a ton of time compared to checking every terminal manually.

Would love feedback from other Space-A travelers, retirees, guard/reserve, and military families, let me know if theres other features that would be useful.

spaceaflights.softr.app

I don't know if this is the right place to ask, but I saw other posts similar to mine.

It's her first time on deployment and she'll be gone for six months, with only a week of vacation after the first three months. Se has been acting strangely and doesn't want to talk about it in phone call or facetime.

We've been together for a little over two years, one of which was long-distance, where we saw each other in person every couple of weeks. During this time we talked about our future together and we agreed on everything. Although the relationship was going well, in the past three weeks she is texting me less and saying that she forgets to answer me. In the meantime we met in person and everything seemed to be going well. Some days ago i asked her what was wrong and she sad she's been thinking about breaking up, she also said no longer feels the spark (I think that's normal after two years).

Despite this, she admits she's happy with me, that I did a lot for her and that she would like to maintain our relationship, but maybe not as lovers. She's also exaggerating issues she's never talked about before, but which could be resolved with enough time, saying she doesn't want to bring them with her and wants to focus on work. She seems confused about anything regarding why she wants to breakup and can't explain to me what is wrong.

I'm worried she's self-sabotaging as a coping mechanism for the stress of her first deployment. Especially because she doesn't seem to know what she's feeling either. She admits she's extremely stressed and feels guilty about how she's treating me. I just want to make her understand that if she misses me during the deployment or needs someone to talk to, she can call me and I'm there for her. I also want to try to restart the relationship once she gets back, if she wants to.

My main fear is that I don't know if a period of No Contact would help or just make things worse as she will probably not have time to think about the relationship. I'm also worried she'll find someone else during the mission if we decide to break up.

I don't have any problems waiting for three months and speaking with her as friends (not saying things like "I miss you", "I love you", etc.) and I was just looking for advice on how to not friend-zone myself in the meantime.

Has anyone had any experience with this and want to share how it went? Do you have time to meet people during these training and patrol missions, or are you at work 24/7?

My husband is on a super prolonged deployment in the Middle East and I'm thinking of giving him like, a hall pass? Like a "Don't ask don't tell" policy? Anyone else have similar arrangements with their husbands during deployments? Would love to hear from both deployed husbands and their non deployed partners.

No he's not pushing for it.

No this is not a way of saying I'm cheating or asking to cheat because I'm not and I don't want to. Just want my husband to be happy and taken care of.

My fiancé 25M started paperwork to join the military over a year ago without telling me and left three weeks ago.

He didn’t even tell me he left. He packed up his stuff in the middle of the night and drove away, then when I woke up, he was already halfway there to his new base. I didn’t get a note or a call or anything . When I called him, he was super apologetic and told me he would do everything in his power to fix this. I asked how do you fix abandonment and he couldn’t answer. He later admitted he was just gonna let time pass.

then a couple days later he said it was my fault that he did this. He needed to get away from my emotionalness. In hindsight I was very clingy, I liked him being around I would make him lunches for work do his laundry and just wanna do everything for him. I always wanted a hug or kiss and he would always brush me off or give me a half hearted one.

I gave him three weeks instead of leaving instantly after he left to see if he really missed me and was sorry. Since leaving he would be out with his new military friends, doing whatever, he would call me for about 10 minutes a day and every time I would bring up the issue he would say he had to go or get frustrated with me.

last night I broke it off and I’m absolutely devastated. I just want him back and I feel like I will do anything just to fix the relationship. Is it worth even saving? He told me that he was going to change and become a better man and come back and he would never leave me again, but I can’t help but to feel that he would leave me at any time now if we were to get back together because he already did it before.

I would do anything for this to work out, but at the same time, I cannot just let someone leave me without any remorse. He has been basically heartless this entire scenario. When I broke up with him last night, he said that he was going to wait for me and come back, but he hasn’t even reached out since the break up. It’s been silence. He texted he loves me after I texted him I was done and to move on after leaving me on read for a few hours.

I keep checking my phone every minute to see if maybe he texted me but he hasn’t and he knows I’m someone who needs a good amount of reassurance and he hasn’t even given me that.

I’ve been crying for days, and I know in my heart he doesn’t even care but I want him back. He was my person and my soulmate and I could have saw myself marrying him. He let me book the venue and buy my dress knowing he was leaving. The night before he left he didn’t even say goodbye he looked me in the eyes really long with tears and than when I asked if he was ok he said yes and left. I want him back I love him more than anything.

Edit- he bought the ring to propose around a year ago and did not propose until after he got his ready to ship papers for the military arrived and he proposed a couple days after getting that.

If anyone reads this, what do yall think? Idk if I start moving on or wait for him to try. I would give anything for him to work it out.

Edit- he previously served so no boot camp needed, he went straight to his new station

Those who survived the ten year mark with your military husband, how’d yall do it? My husband does not want to do counseling, and I am drowning. He’s not deployed at the moment but this man is carrying the most depressed, possessive energy in our house daily. I tried to tell him he hurt my feelings today by kick/nudge-ing me at the gym today (I don’t like the idea that he didn’t like wave a hand or put himself in my eye view) to get my attention. He accused of “staring at someone” in a nearly empty gym. Now he’s saying I’m “twisting” things because I know I’m wrong. But this isn’t the first time he’s snapped at me at the gym. We’ve been together since 2013. But we can’t talk, about anything I feel, ever. I’m sorry I’m probably just venting but I’m so overwhelmed trying to show up happy, upbeat, sexualizing myself (even when I don’t feel like it), open to anything he suggests. This is not working. He’s so unhappy. I don’t believe he’s cheating, he’s just truly unhappy with life and it’s miserable.

Hi!

I have a question because I have a strong suspicion that my husband is cheating on me.

He leaves monthly for army reserves and when I looked at the bank statement I found hotel charges.
I know that army should pay his stay at a hotel so this is weird to me, especially since the hotel charges appear only during some trips - not all of them.
So I am thinking that if he payed for the hotel and then was reimbursed by army- the charges would be there always - for each trip. But they are not, only during some trips he payed for a hotel and it looks like one night stay when I look at the price.

Can you please tell me how does it work? Do people usually pay for their hotels using their card and then get reimbursed or he shouldn’t have to pay with his own card?

Thank you

hey so truthfully speaking, I’m not a wife. I am just someone who’s been in a committed (over a year) relationship to a guy who joined the marines early on in our relationship.
we have had our battles like the distance, and lack of communication, the whole nine yards. the biggest problem i had with the whole thing was him constantly making decisions that excluded me. like he chose for his duty station to be in Japan, after i asked him to consider closer options so it would be more realistic that i could visit. he’s too young to drink, but he still chose to indulge…you get the idea. well, everything had been what the new normal had become till last night when he told me he was drugged and more than likely had kissed another woman who he suspects was the one who drugged him. his words were ‘the chick feeling up on me’. he also says that he was not drunk, but also was blacked out and doesn’t recall anything until very early that morning- and that it’s a miracle he ended up back at his proper hotel. he is insistent he didn’t do anything sexual with her either. now I’m stuck in limbo between two different issues. did he cheat on me and is saying he was drugged via his guilty conscious? or did he get drugged, and was assaulted? the trouble is also I have no way to confirm this. i told him i wanted him to report it/ get tested to know what it was- and he denied me and say that would get him in trouble so he wouldn’t do that… and that makes me feel sick. i spoke to someone who’s been drugged in the past and they said it was alarming how normal he was/ sounded for it having been just the night before. he also did admit that drugging aside, if he had honored my wishes for him to not go to bars or not stay friends with the guys who lack the same morals maybe he wouldn’t have been in that situation. i have so many ideas and feelings going through my head rn. I don’t know what the next best move is. I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else has been here before, or if there was anything I could do since he is still only protecting himself. I know he’s worked hard for everything, but this is also really serious. thanks

my husband is currently in the barracks in his "registration" phase of his stationing. he has started going out this his friends where when im stuck at home or spend all my time with our son and doing mom things most the time. today he told me he and his friends are going out to the club to see the night life there and i told him i feel uncomfortable with that, but he told me i have to let him breathe and i'm trying i guess i just overthink. it's hard to know he could be out there being single and doing what he wants when i'm stuck at home. then when i move there i will be stuck at home with no friends. how do i not get resentful? how do i not get upset when he just tells me to get over it?
usually i just tell myself if he cheats he was going to do it anyway even if i say something so what's the point but right now i just feel so annoyed. i don't go out to clubs because when i go it's just people trying to hit on me so i don't usually go. what can i do to just let it go and not care?

boyfriend is going to leave for the marines soon. i know bootcamp is 3 months, and ive heard they don’t get cell phones, so what can i expect? what’s after bootcamp? do they get a break inbetween? also, when they get stationed, do they usually stay in another state for the rest of their term?
i’m preparing for mine to leave in a few months and want to be prepared. and i want to be nearby if he does get stationed somewhere for awhile too, but im confused about the timeline. thanks if you have any advice.

My husband joining the Air Force was one of the worse things he could’ve ever possibly done to our relationship. The only reason he even joined is because we were 21, living in an apartment that we now couldn’t afford because he lost his job. The whole process was stupid because they kept delaying everything and we just ended up getting in even more and more financial holes that a year later we still have to struggle to get out of. We haven’t even been married a year and the whole time we’ve been married it seems all we can do is argue, and not see eye to eye.

These military men don’t understand the strain we have to go through as the spouses, especially when you’re left dealing with all the financial burden and loneliness all by yourself. And then you have to get thrown all over without any clear idea to how long you’ll be there or how long the process will take. This shit is not it. And honestly, I’ve been considering just walking away from this because sometimes love really isn’t worth all the mental and physical effort that it takes to make it work with a military man.

If you have the option to just leave the person joining the military, or thinking of sticking it out. Take my advice and just don’t because when it’s too late to get out it’s really too late. I’ve literally had to put all my plans on the back burner, leave a job that I really like, and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to find another job because no one wants to hire a military spouse who doesn’t even know when they will be able to go to the fucking duty station with their spouse. Just don’t do it.
It’s not worth all the bullshit.

So, my husband is supposed to be leaving for BMT end of June and selection after that (he is the one doing SERE and I am a civilian). I just found out I am pregnant. We are excited expecting, but I am nervous about if he will be home when I give birth, etc.

If you know, please help!

* Also, yes, we will be moving to Fairchild with him, if he makes it.

My husband left for basic training on Monday and I already miss him so much. I know it’s only been 2 days, but we’re together and talk 24/7, so suddenly barely hearing from him feels really strange and honestly emotional for me. I got one really short text and now his phone is off, which I expected, but it still feels hard not knowing when I’ll hear from him again. They also haven’t given his address yet, so I’m just kind of waiting in the dark right now.
This whole experience is really new to me. I wrote him a letter already because it honestly made me feel a little better, but I didn’t tell him how sad I am because I don’t want to stress him out while he’s there. I’m trying to stay positive and support him because I know this is something he’s passionate about and I’m really proud of him.
At the same time, this whole situation has also made me think a lot about my own life. I’m only 20 and I feel kind of lost career-wise. I currently work in mortgages and I honestly feel bored and stuck. Before this, I worked in a nursing home and even went to nursing school for a while, and I felt way more fulfilled working in healthcare. I just struggled balancing full-time work and full-time school and ended up quitting. Now I don’t know what direction I want to go in anymore.
I also don’t really have a strong support system outside of my husband, so not being able to talk to him has been really hard emotionally. I’m trying to use this time to better myself though — cleaning more, cooking, working out, staying productive, and figuring myself out a little more.
Someone also told me they might remove his wisdom teeth during reception week and now I feel so bad for him because I have no idea what he’s doing all day besides processing and training. I know he’s okay, but it’s hard when you’re used to having someone around constantly and then suddenly they’re gone.
He’s National Guard, so eventually he’ll come home after training and maybe in future he will go active, and honestly this is something really good for both of us long term. We want more stability, to eventually buy a house, and stop feeling stuck living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment.
I guess I’m just looking for advice from people who’ve been through this. How long did it take before you adjusted? When did communication start feeling more normal? And what did you do to stay busy and emotionally okay while your partner was at basic? And what I should do about my own career?

My boyfriend is joining the Royal Navy and I’m curious about how common cheating actually is during deployments/port visits.

I know cheating is ultimately down to the person, not the job, and if someone’s going to cheat they probably would anywhere. But I’ve seen a lot of stories online about strip clubs, hookups in ports, “what happens on deployment stays on deployment” culture etc.

I’m especially curious about whether there’s actually pressure to join in when groups go out together, even from people who normally wouldn’t. Have any partners or serving/ex-serving people experienced this? Is the internet exaggerating it or is it genuinely common?

Not looking to bash the navy or accuse my boyfriend of anything just trying to get realistic perspectives because social media makes it sound terrifying sometimes.

Just gauging interest for a group chat to have with wives and girlfriends only. DM if interested.

My boyfriend joined the Navy and I’m struggling to work out whether what I’m feeling is “normal military relationship stress” or if there are underlying relationship issues that the Navy lifestyle is just making more obvious.

I genuinely love him a lot, which is why I almost feel guilty even writing this, because I don’t want to seem unsupportive or like I’m trying to pressure/rush our relationship. We’re still young. But at the same time, I also don’t want to blindly ignore concerns and only think about these things years down the line when bigger commitments (living together/kids etc) are involved.

Before he joined, we already had some issues around communication and emotional effort. For example, he made the decision to join pretty suddenly after we’d already been together over a year, said we’d properly sit down and talk about it, but then never really did. Since then, I feel like our whole relationship revolves around the Navy and his schedule/availability.

I also struggle with trust sometimes. I’ve never caught him physically cheating, but I found Tinder in his deleted apps before and he said it was because his friend used it on his phone. I’ve also found certain things online that made me uncomfortable. What makes it harder is that when I question things or try to communicate worries, he tends to get defensive or annoyed instead of reassuring me calmly, which makes me overthink more.

Another issue is emotional effort/romance. He’s affectionate physically and compliments me etc, but he doesn’t naturally do thoughtful things unless I ask. Even on Valentine’s Day this year, he admitted he didn’t think about doing anything for me at all because it was around his passing out. I know that sounds small, but it hurt because I’ve explained before that little thoughtful gestures mean a lot to me, and I’d already had to practically beg for effort the previous year too.

I think part of my anxiety is also about the future. He wants kids eventually, and I know military families make it work all the time, but I’m also going into a demanding medical career myself. Sometimes I get scared that military life will eventually leave me carrying most of the childcare, household responsibilities and emotional labour alone while also trying to work.

He says that once training is over he should mostly be able to come home at night apart from duty/deployments etc, so in theory we’d still have a fairly “normal” relationship. But then we’ve also spoken about settling down somewhere long term, and I keep thinking about what happens if he gets moved to a completely different base somewhere else in the UK. If we had a house somewhere and he got drafted elsewhere, we could suddenly end up barely seeing each other anyway.

He’s also mentioned me moving around with him if needed, but honestly I think that would stress me out a lot. I don’t want to build my entire life around constantly following somebody else’s career. I’ll have my own career, friends, routines and life too, and I think I’d end up resenting the situation if I felt like I was expected to uproot everything whenever the Navy moved him.

I know support systems/nannies/family help exist, and part of me genuinely likes the idea of being very home/family-oriented one day, but realistically with the economy now I can’t imagine how difficult one-income households might become in the future either.

I think what I’m struggling with most is the feeling that I’m constantly adapting to his life/career while my own emotional needs end up pushed aside. I don’t know whether I’m overthinking and catastrophising because military life is intimidating, or whether these are valid compatibility concerns that I shouldn’t ignore.

I’m not looking for “just break up” comments. I’d genuinely appreciate hearing from people who’ve been in military relationships or recognise this kind of dynamic. How do you tell the difference between military life simply being difficult vs someone genuinely not meeting your emotional needs properly?

Started seeing a guy deployed abroad and just found out he has a very long term committed girlfriend back home. Ended things immediately. He has since blocked/deleted me on all platforms and either changed his handles/usernames or deleted profiles of everything I had. What should I do in this situation? It's weighing on me a lot.