How does that work? I am more lonely now that I reported then before when I was complaining about my problems.
How does it happen that people that you trusted turn their back on you once you go through the worst time of your life?
I don’t think people talk enough about how lonely it can be after reporting DV, especially when you have a child and don’t have a village.
The person I considered my closest friend here was one of the people telling me I deserved better. But when I actually reported, the support disappeared. The night everything happened, my daughter had been at urgent care with me for hours without eating while I was being interviewed. I asked my friend to pick her up, and she waited two hours because she wanted to go to a restaurant with her family first. She eventually helped, and I’m grateful for that, but I know if the roles were reversed, I would’ve dropped everything.
That same night I was exhausted, scared about the future, overwhelmed and feeling guilty. I cried to her, and she shook her head and said she didn’t understand why I even felt bad, I felt so judged. Since then, she hasn’t checked on me once. The only other time I asked for help, because I had an interview where I couldn’t bring my daughter, she said no before I could even finish asking.
What hurts is that right before this, while her husband was deployed, I constantly checked on her and her kids, spent time with them, and even had my husband help when her cat died. I never expected anything in return, but I thought my closest friend would at least be there when my life fell apart.
Being abroad on military orders makes it worse. Making close friends isn’t easy, and even if I meet someone new, I’m not going to immediately open up about something this personal. I’ve been holding everything in and figuring it out alone since day one.
I understand now why people are afraid to report. Everyone talks about getting help and support, but what happens when there is no village? I feel like I lost everything, and somehow I’m still expected to carry everything alone.
I have nobody to vent to, nobody checking on me, and I’m tired. Some days I genuinely feel like my husband, despite everything, would’ve been more supportive than the people I thought I could count on. My husband in bad times would’ve been my person for comfort.
I just wish someone had prepared me for how incredibly lonely the aftermath can be.
I don’t think people talk enough about how lonely it can be after reporting DV, especially when you’re OCONUS with a child and don’t have a village.
The person I considered my closest friend here was one of the people telling me I deserved better. But when I actually reported, the support disappeared. The night everything happened, my daughter had been at the hospital with me for hours without eating while I was being interviewed. I asked my friend to pick her up, and she waited two hours because she wanted to go to a restaurant with her family first. She eventually helped, and I’m grateful for that, but I know if the roles were reversed, I would’ve dropped everything.
That same night I was exhausted, scared about the future, overwhelmed and feeling guilty. I cried to her, and she shook her head and said she didn’t understand why I even felt bad. Since then, she hasn’t checked on me once. The only other time I asked for help, because I had an interview where I couldn’t bring my daughter, she said no before I could even finish asking.
What hurts is that right before this, while her husband was deployed, I constantly checked on her and her kids, spent time with them, and even had my husband help when her cat died. I never expected anything in return, but I thought my closest friend would at least be there when my life fell apart.
Being OCONUS makes it worse. Making close friends isn’t easy, and even if I meet someone new, I’m not going to immediately open up about something this personal. I’ve been holding everything in and figuring it out alone since day one.
I understand now why people are afraid to report. Everyone talks about getting help and support, but what happens when there is no village? I feel like I lost everything, and somehow I’m still expected to carry everything alone.
I have nobody to vent to, nobody checking on me, and I’m tired. Some days I genuinely feel like my husband, despite everything, would’ve been more supportive than the people I thought I could count on.
I just wish someone had prepared me for how incredibly lonely the aftermath can be.
I don’t think people talk enough about how lonely it can be after reporting DV, especially when you’re OCONUS with a child and don’t have a village.
The person I considered my closest friend here was one of the people telling me I deserved better. But when I actually reported, the support disappeared. The night everything happened, my daughter had been at the hospital with me for hours without eating while I was being interviewed. I asked my friend to pick her up, and she waited two hours because she wanted to go to a restaurant with her family first. She eventually helped, and I’m grateful for that, but I know if the roles were reversed, I would’ve dropped everything.
That same night I was exhausted, scared about the future, overwhelmed and feeling guilty. I cried to her, and she shook her head and said she didn’t understand why I even felt bad. Since then, she hasn’t checked on me once. The only other time I asked for help, because I had an interview where I couldn’t bring my daughter, she said no before I could even finish asking.
What hurts is that right before this, while her husband was deployed, I constantly checked on her and her kids, spent time with them, and even had my husband help when her cat died. I never expected anything in return, but I thought my closest friend would at least be there when my life fell apart.
Being OCONUS makes it worse. Making close friends isn’t easy, and even if I meet someone new, I’m not going to immediately open up about something this personal. I’ve been holding everything in and figuring it out alone since day one.
I understand now why people are afraid to report. Everyone talks about getting help and support, but what happens when there is no village? I feel like I lost everything, and somehow I’m still expected to carry everything alone.
I have nobody to vent to, nobody checking on me, and I’m tired. Some days I genuinely feel like my husband, despite everything, would’ve been more supportive than the people I thought I could count on.
I just wish someone had prepared me for how incredibly lonely the aftermath can be.
I reported my husband for DV a month ago.
He strangled me in front of our child, it’s not the first time and I know the risk of that happening so I reported him in the urgent care on base (we’re overseas) then OSI came and I reported. We have a no contact order now, he has been scheduling counseling appointments for us to work it out, but hearing from first sergeant and commander it doesn’t seem like it’s looking good for him. It seems like Family advocacy is wanting to escalate it to the civilian side and get more restrictions so he can’t even see our child anymore.
As I’m still his wife, now i am worried about what this means for his job, will he get kicked out? Have I messed up his career?
And please don’t come for me for worrying about this, I still have a heart, this is still my husband and the father of my child, we are overseas and I’m scared for the future