u/Potential_Two_9621

I'm in my 40s and trying to work on my relationship with food after years of struggling with it. I really wish that I'd dealt with this sooner, but another part of me knows I wasn't ready to acknowledge it before. I regret not doing something at my early stage and I hope that maybe I can ease it at this age.

For anyone who started recovery in their 30s or later, what was your experience like? Did you feel like you were starting "too late"?

I remember assuming everyone else had the same conversations with themselves around food. "I'll just have one." Then another. Then telling myself tomorrow would be different. I figured everyone did this and was simply better at hiding it.

It wasn't until I actually started talking about it that I realized how different people's experiences with food can be.

When did you first realize your experience with food wasn't the same as everyone else's?

I'd keep eating something and halfway through realize I didn't even really want it anymore. But I'd still finish it. That was always the part I couldn't explain to people.

Bought a box of cookies yesterday and thought I'd just have one after dinner. I had one and another. Then I thought, well, I've already had two so it doesn't really matter if I have another. That turned into me eating way more than I wanted.

It's frustrating because nothing was stopping me. I wasn't starving or anything. I just kept making excuses for the next one. Afterward, I felt stupid because I knew exactly what I was doing. I keep wondering why it's so much easier to stop before I start than once I've already had a few.

During the day I feel like I have pretty good control over my eating. Breakfast is normal, lunch is normal, and I'm usually not thinking about food that much. Then I get home from work and everything changes. I'll have dinner and then start wanting something sweet. I'll have a cookie, then another one. Then I'll start looking through the kitchen for something else. Sometimes I'm not even hungry anymore. I just keep eating because I want to do something.

The worst part is that I know exactly where it's going. I'll eventually feel uncomfortably full and wonder why I did it again. I don't understand why nighttime seems to completely change my self-control.

Does anyone else struggle mostly with overeating at night?

This is probably the most frustrating part for me because I already know what it is, but I really can't do it. I know that I'm eating when I'm not hungry, and I'll probably regret it afterward. I've promised myself so many times that I'll stop. But when the craving hits, knowing all of that somehow doesn't seem to matter. I can't beat the temptations: cookies + milk are so delicious, burger + soda is a good combo, and snacks while watching TV. I wish I could stop this, but I don't know where to start. Have you ever gotten to the point where you just wanted to stop, but something kept you going back? What do you think was holding you back?

After a terrible day or when something good happens, my first thought is sometimes that I deserve something good. So, I casually order my favorite snacks, fast food, and some chips by not knowing that I already ate a lot. For those few minutes, it feels comforting and keeps me thinking about why FOODS are my coping mechanism for it.

What do you turn to when you've had a really bad or good day?