u/Powerful-Hearing-274

At 45, raising my 3.5 year old daughter often takes me back to my own childhood. I hug her, kiss her, cuddle her, and tell her how deeply she is loved. Yet sometimes, every embrace reminds me of what I never received from my own mother. There were no hugs, kisses, or affectionate touches for me. What makes it harder is knowing my younger brother experienced the opposite. He received that warmth as a child, and even now, in his middle age, my mother openly showers him with physical affection. Watching this still hurts. Somewhere inside me, that little girl still wonders: Why not me?

I am an exhausted 45-year-old Indian mother of a 3.5-year-old daughter. I have both a master’s degree and a PhD from New Zealand. However, because of the job crisis and the high cost of living there, I moved back to India before becoming pregnant.

Unfortunately, I have received virtually no support from my own parents in raising my daughter—not even during my pregnancy. Both of my in-laws passed away during COVID. My husband lost his job after the pandemic and has been working extremely hard to make ends meet.

My daughter has a severe speech delay and struggles to communicate her needs and feelings. My husband also doesn't keep well oftentimes. I desperately want to return to work, both to support my husband financially and to make meaningful use of my education. However, my parents are unwilling to look after their granddaughter, and I am not comfortable leaving her in childcare.

I have a younger brother who is unmarried and still lives with my parents. This makes me feel even more hurt and frustrated because I feel that my parents are willing to support him while refusing to help me when I genuinely need it.

At the moment, we live in a house provided by my father as temporary accommodation. However, he made it clear three years after we moved in that we cannot consider it our permanent home. This leaves us with very little financial or residential security.

My in-laws were poor and passed away without leaving anything for my husband to inherit. Ours was an arranged marriage, and when we married, we were struggling financially as well. I completed both of my degrees abroad on full scholarships. During that time, I worked at a university as a casual academic, while my husband did various odd jobs simply to help us survive.

About six years ago, my father unexpectedly won a property case in court that had been going on for nearly 30 years. He became extremely wealthy as a result. Unfortunately, I feel that his increased wealth has also made him more egoistic and controlling.

My parents frequently disrespect both me and my husband and use their financial position to dominate us. I feel angry, depressed, trapped, and completely helpless.

I want to rebuild my career, contribute financially to my family, and use the education I worked so hard to obtain. At the same time, I need to be there for my daughter, particularly because of her speech delay and communication difficulties.

I don't know how to navigate this situation anymore. How can I become financially independent, support my daughter, help my husband, and establish healthy boundaries with my parents without putting my family at greater risk?

I would appreciate practical suggestions on what I should do.