u/Prashantt1

A husband and wife are sitting on the couch when the husband looks over and says, "Honey, if I died, would you get remarried?"

​The wife thinks about it and says, "Well, we have a beautiful house, and I don't want to be alone, so... yes, I probably would."

​The husband looks a bit hurt. "Would you let him live in our house?"

​"It’s a great house, and it's paid off, so yes, we'd live here."

​"Would he sleep in our bed?"

​"It’s a brand-new mattress, so yes, he probably would."

​"Would he use my golf clubs?"

​"Oh, absolutely not," the wife snaps. "He's left-handed."

​

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.

Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

“Olympic condoms?”, she blurts, “What makes them so special?”

“There are three colors”, he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”

“What color are you going to wear tonight?”, she asks cheekily.

“Gold of course”, says the man proudly.

The wife responds wryly, “Why don’t you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change.”