u/Prestigious-Offer449

I am married to my husband and we have twin toddlers and I have a son (7 yo) from previous relationship. Today I told my husband to go to stay for a week with his mum or anywhere really, but not at our home. What happened, is on Sunday he went to meet his old friend. They usually have MDMA / drinking benders when they meet, mixed in with deep philosophical conversations. I knew this before marriage and I even had MDMA two times with him and then I said drugs are bad, mkay? And I stopped doing it with him and encouraged him to stop. Those talks did not really lead anywhere. The times he would meet up with his friend. They would have MDMA. Like once every six months. I got pregnant with twins quite soon. He really wanted kids together and a family. I let those benders slide but i told him it upset me and stressed me a lot. Afraid of his health, safety of being caught. Even when I was in the hospital for weeks, with the risk of premature birth, he had another bender with his friend, risking not being there for the birth of his children, if premature birth did happen.

Fast forward to Sunday, he went to see his friend because the friend came to our city, to visit mum. They had drinks, played chess (husband sent photos) and until 4 in the morning i did not hear anything. Then he wrote he is at his friend's mum's place. After that I asked if he was planning to sleep there and he replied yes at 6 in the morning. Then I expressed im stressed and worried and his communication is zero. He later wrote at 8 he will snooze once more. But his work was due. I wrote he better not sleep cause he will oversleep and in his case I would bounce. So as I later found out he probs called in sick. So earlier I agreed with his mum that she will come and help with twins. Later I found out he himself asked her the same thing on Sunday, as if preparing to be incapacitated to care for twins on monday evening when i go to my part time job. So as his mum came I told her everything. The past, the drug habit, his view, his friend. She was blown away because his father was a drug addict she has left at my husband's tender age of four. I know MDMA once every half a year is not that much? But for me it became this huge thing that ripples through our family unit. He only came back an hour after his mum came. And only after his mum wrote him a message. Yesterday I did not talk to him. Also he spent most of the evening either sleeping or laying in bed. Today said to him does he want to say anything to me, he asked me the same and I just told him what was bothering me. Abd it is also not the first yime he crashed on a friends sofa instead of returning home, even only alcohol involved. I told him I am not having any of this and that he now must go to psychologist, to solve his issues, to stop associating with the friend and to stop this communication issue. And now go out and not return until we get this sorted and at some point I mentioned a week mark. He said he would only go to therapist sometime in future on his own terms, he would quit friends only on his own terms, not when I tell him to. He talked as if this is all he wants to continue, at some point he told me but I myself did it and I said sure but I stopped,and he is acting like a teenager and a bum. And the last thing he told me he likes it and by closing the door I told him fine now you can go party. Later he wrote a short message about how I slept tonight, because nights are really tough for me usually with twins. I just replied fine. I'm scared for my marriage, I'm really scared. This once half a year habit is really inserting itself into our life to be a permanent pain point.

Edit do add clarity: Previously he would have MDMA with the friend in the friend's home in another city. This is first time he asked his mom to come help with twins so they are off his hands, in preparing for the bender, and first time calling in sick due to intoxication. Hence why my attitude is even more severe

Also during one MDMA bender with his other friend and his wife, he was being offered sexual things which he declined but still stayed there. Since then I am completely paranoid. Though this one friend is not crazy in that kind of way