u/Previous-Musician600

Hey there,

Anyone else who started to prefer reading m/m romance like me? Not because of the smut, but because of the interactions between the mmcs like they are equals? And when one of them overacts, they get a reaction and not a 'ah it's a man-reason'. Even the characters are more versatile and not the usual 'naive or/and quirky mmc' Vs 'aloof and cold mmc'.

Maybe it's just the bubble I stepped in, but it felt far more healthy, even if they had to go through difficult things and it's rarely about just miscommunication just because.

Hey everyone, I want to know if anyone experienced something similar during trauma therapy while being autistic/ADHD.

I hope I don't overshare, but I need to tell it to anyone.

Yesterday was my last clinic day in trauma therapy (next in November ) and by chance I found out that I struggle to see anything negative in the part of internal assessment. Not in a selfish way, even though it looks like that to me, but it doesn't change my urge to act, and position me in a better spot. Just on a neutral spot, never negative.

Sounds good in a superficial sense, but it means that every negative thought, emotion gets pulled behind a wall and represented as neutral. It happenes at high-speed that I didn't recognise the start of the negative emotion in the beginning. Only the collapse, when the mental wall isn't high enough. It's fascinating what a brain can do, but also irritating because I am afraid to look behind it. Also it turned to shadow my judgment about other people, always finding a way to explain everything neutral never negative. I guess I would even argue neutral for a murder automatically. I just wouldn't say it, because I know it's not appropriate.

But that makes learning about boundaries terrible, when nothing bothers me. And it makes motivation very difficult.

I guess it started in my childhood, and got more and more perfect during growing up and the world reflected that this is the way. It's like taking the advice "you have to love yourself" literally and turning everything negative into a neutral, bearable explanation. I couldn't see red flags, because they got instantly turned into neutrality.

That explains why the wish to change something feels odd and exhausting for me, even though I know that I need to change a lot of things to be healthier and so on. But it's right now unbearable. And it exhausted without realising.

Therapy tools even made it worse (stronger) because the focus is on building up self-esteem and ignoring things I can't change. I did that in expert mode and assessed everything in a neutral reason. "I can't change it, ok I have to just accept it". That even leads to judging people who focus through trauma on their bad things and to the outside world, I can look very stable. That stable that I get imposter if I am really disabled and in rage mode, if someone just mentions anything as negative about me.