r/AntiDarkRomance

Hey there,

Anyone else who started to prefer reading m/m romance like me? Not because of the smut, but because of the interactions between the mmcs like they are equals? And when one of them overacts, they get a reaction and not a 'ah it's a man-reason'. Even the characters are more versatile and not the usual 'naive or/and quirky mmc' Vs 'aloof and cold mmc'.

Maybe it's just the bubble I stepped in, but it felt far more healthy, even if they had to go through difficult things and it's rarely about just miscommunication just because.

I'm asking out of curiosity because I'm a writer.

why is minute criticism labelled "purists" "pearl clutching" "this is feminist though". Women have been trying to escape dv. second of all, some works are so unhinged (blurring the lines to torture btw) that it's stupid to call it pearl clutching. also i genuinely want to question the feminist aspect. what part of it is feminism? a woman being abused SA'd against her will, the Stockholm syndrome. this is a disgusting point to make(i condone violence towards everyone ) but you dont see lot of women protagonists committing these crimes. and if so ? why not? its like playing into patriarchy's hand. "

I had to do more because there's a lot more to unpack. I did 11 on my first post, so I'm making a part 2 for this genre. And I'm going to add FMC as well because there are some of those out there even though the main abuser is the man:

1. Poor representation of consent - Y'all already know how horrible these authors write consent. It's either there and poorly written or it's not there at all.
2. Straight up bullying - I don't need to explain this one. We already know that a lot of these MMCs/FMCs bully the hell out of their "lovers" and say, "I didn't know how to express myself," like please shut your lying ass up.. 'Bully Romance' is lame to me in my opinion.
3. The emotional immaturity - This plays into pet peeve #1. I swear they're so emotionally immature and people think that's attractive. How're you a grown ass adult and can't get your emotions in check and take your anger out on your "lover" or the people around you? Get therapy or something...
4. Poorly representing Stockholm Syndrome in the victims - I have characters of my own who go through this and I bet these authors are "trying" to show this when it comes to the victims forgiving their abusers/rapists and falling in love with them, but they do it so poorly to the point where it's disrespectful. If you're going to show Stockholm Syndrome, do it right.
5. No consequences - I don't understand why the MMC/FMC gets no consequences for their shitty actions towards other people and their "lover" and when said consequences do happen, it's so minor to the point where they're non-existent.
6. The other FMC's/MMC's appearance - Why does the other one always look... small? I'm not talking about height this time, I mean in weight. And I don't mean small and fit/healthy, I mean small in terms of being underweight and malnourishment. If the authors are "trying" to show malnourishment, that's understandable because that's important, but they do such a horrible job at it to the point where it just looks like they're saying, "This is the weak character."
7. Using trauma as a justification - I'm so sick of this. Just because you had a horrible past, doesn't mean other people who had nothing to do with your life in your past, deserves to be treated like shit and too many times do the MMC/FMC do that to their friends and/or "lover".
8. "Fiction doesn't affect reality" - The foolery people say to justify their weird/creepy fantasies and place them in their stories. There's a different between writing a story with proper representation of whatever is in your story, and just writing your own weird/creepy eroticas and getting off on it. And there's a difference in reading/watching something and getting off while reading/watching it. It's affecting you.
9. Poor representation of enemies-to-lovers - I've made a comment about this before, but if you're going to add this into your dark romance, both characters need to be shown actively hating each other and actively falling in love with a plot that makes sense, and good representations across the board. A lot of these authors are doing 'Bully Romance' which makes it confusing for some readers who don't know the difference yet.
10. Other FMC/MMC with little to no friends or no support system - Why does it look like the other main character have little to no friends in these books?? They either have friends who don't care or don't have any friends at all. The isolation puts me in a dark mood because why doesn't it feel like the character has someone they can rely on to help them?
11. "It's my coping mechanism" - Maybe it's your coping mechanism, but you're recommending it to someone else as well. This genre might not be their coping mechanism. Don't recommend stuff that people are uncomfortable with just because it's how you cope with what you went through. It's called 🌟Respect🌟. It goes a long way.
12. Excusing/Justifying shitty behavior because of attractiveness - This needs to end. Why's this happening? It's just disrespectful.
13. Dehumanization - Can't tell me this doesn't happen in these stories. The other FMC/MMC gets berated and treated like slaves/tools for their amusement. It's revolting. And then authors try to make it a point of a romantic plot. It's so disgusting...
14. No Romance - I'm going to keep adding this because it's the main thing. 'Dark Romance' is supposed to have romance, but there's none or if it is... it's poorly written. These "Romance Authors" need to stop polluting the air with their slop if they can't write a romantic story without disrespecting victims and their trauma and adding onto it.

..14 is a lot. I've made 25 pet peeves altogether. Never realized how many there are until you go down the rabbit hole, but this is a problem.

So.. as you all know, I am a dark romance reader and dark romance beginner writer. I write more than I read to be honest, but I've mentioned it a couple times. But.. before I joined this subreddit, I joined the other subreddit. The dark romance one. It was to see what it was about. I didn't stay long, I left as fast as I joined, lol. I didn't read all of the posts, I just left because something in me said that subreddit wasn't a good space for me, especially with how much I've grown since my high school years, I didn't want that subreddit putting me back in that dark place I've worked out of too much.

But.. before I joined this subreddit.. I was actually hesitant if any of you would've accepted me or not because of the fact that I am a dark romance reader and writer. But.. I joined this server anyways.. because I didn't want to go back to that dark romance one. I was going to leave this one because of my fears if you all would accept me or not, but I decided to stay here, and I'm glad I did, because this one feels safer than that other one and I was right in my intuition. Maybe it was fear that if I said anything in regards to a critique, I would've gotten bashed for it, and it would make sense if that subreddit is full of weirdos. And because I've known about this genre since I was a child, I wanted to give my critique as well. I figured it would help me figure myself out in the process.

And.. to be honest.. reading all of your critiques really did make me realize that I was subjected to things that would've put me in an even darker place if I didn't walk out on my own strength. Especially when I write my own critiques about this genre, I want to cry out in tears of happiness because of the progress I've made and I'm able to understand why people are so critical of this genre and why they avoid it so much. I stopped consuming what those weird and creepy authors were putting out, and decided that I wanted to write my own books, and how I wanted them to be, without the influence of other people, who would've wanted something darker and disgusting. And.. because of my experience and everyone's critiques/experiences with this genre, I really do want to be a change, even if I'm the only one who's willing to do it. I know it sounds weird and impossible, but I still want to.

That's why I joined this subreddit. Yes, my hesitation was due to the fear of being rejected and all, and I was going to leave because of that fear, but I'm staying. I feel safer here, even though I still feel that fear of being rejected every now and then.

..I'm sorry if my post got a little personal and if it was unnecessary. I just.. needed to get that out. I feel safe here despite that fear of being rejected. But.. don't be afraid to speak to me.. if you want to. I usually lurk and observe what other people say and then I'll post or give out comments. But.. I am grateful this subreddit exists. Truly.

So.. this subreddit feels safe for me to talk about this, so I want to.

Years ago, when I was a teenager, probably my early teenage years or when I was 15, I wrote a fanfiction about my character, Tina Sasaki, and a persona 5 character named Goro Akechi. I used to send the link to a friend of mine who’s two years older and he used to critique it and things like that. But he had told me to make Akechi hurt Tina and ignore her and things like that, so I was hesitant at first, but I put it in anyways.

That played into our roleplays. Tina would be abused by Akechi. I didn’t question it myself until I was either 16 or 17. I deleted the book and it was only 4-5 chapters in, so it was pretty much in the early stages, thankfully. The roleplays stopped too. I regretted that book and the roleplays… and I’m thankful I got rid of it. I redid the book, but instead of having only Tina going through the abuse and being ignored or berated, she’s doing the same thing to Akechi, so it’s not one-sided.

All in all.. we were both young and stupid because “It’s fictional,” as people say, so it shouldn’t matter, but it matters a lot. And I was stupid for listening to him in the first place and should’ve trusted my hesitation and not put it in. And I do apologize for it. Truly. We’re both older now, so we aren’t as dumb as we were back then as teenagers. Well.. I hope he isn’t as dumb either anymore.

The reason I’m saying all of this is because dark romance authors and that friend had already taught me at a young age that abuse = romance and it doesn’t. And they taught him that too apparently. And I’m thankful that I was younger than most people are nowadays when I stopped and realized that it wasn’t cool at all. And I want to be one of the few authors who can be a change in the genre. I’m still a beginner writer, but I want to be that change for people, especially for us women.

that's all.

We've talked before about the "golden retriever until the bedroom door closes" trope. On contempory romance. Under the cultural influence of dark romance.

This post is about something slightly more specific , or idk i just tought it deserve another post bc this is pissing me off very bad : the sexual violence that arrives mid-scene, unannounced, during an otherwise consensual encounter.

You're reading a romance, contemporary , even romcom(!).

The scene starts consensually. And then, suddenly, without discussion, without any established dynamic, any consent,he hits her, chokes her etc. This is assault. Like literaly.

And the narrative doesn't flinch. The fans don't flinch. If anything, the randomness is part of the appeal. " oh my god aaaaah he made me blush".

That last part is worth sitting with. The unannounced nature of it is presented as hot,spontaneous, passionate, raw.

It is none of those things. It is the definition of non-consent, an act imposed without prior discussion, without agreement, without the other person having any say. Dressed up as desire.

This happens in contemporary romance constantly. The otherwise gentle MMC who suddenly insult, chokes, strikes — mid-scene, without warning — and the narrative frames it as him finally letting go. His real self emerging. The passion being too much to contain.

The message is precise : male violence in intimate moments is authentic, uncontrollable, and desirable. Female consent would only ruin it.

She never does this to him. Never. The spontaneous, unannounced physical escalation is always his. Always directed at her. Always framed as intensity rather than assault.

This is not a coincidence of genre conventions. It is a reproduction of a very specific idea about desire : that male sexuality is naturally aggressive and dominant, that female sexuality is naturally receptive and accommodating, and that genuine passion looks like male authority suddenly asserting itself over a female body that didn't ask for it but learns to want it or secretely wanted it the whole time.

The fiction isn't just fiction

It is the same thing in porn.

Did you also know that around 40% of gen z sexually active 18-25 years old girls been trought un consented sexual violence during a consensual accounter? The most popular ex is " surprise strangulation". Witch can kill btw. And do.

The normalization of physical escalation during sex — choking, hitting, spitting on etc — is documented in real sexual encounters, increasingly reported by young women who describe it as having become an expected norm. Not something they negotiated. Something that just happened. Something they didn't know they were allowed to object to.

Once you strip away the fictional framing, what remains is very simple and very violent.

These books + porn , it create a whole cultural push towards it.