u/Previous_Bat1914

Hello everyone,

I’ve (49F) been in this group for over a year and been finding it very helpful as I have a DEIP and double mastectomy planned in less than a month. I want to be prepared so that the healing process is easier and wonder if anyone could suggest the best pillow that worked for them. I’m a bit confused about what my needs would be as I would be having reconstruction as well.

Also, can you please recommend a front zip up support bra?

Let me explain this: a few years ago, we went to a long trip across Uzbekistan and Azerbaijan. For both trips, we hired a tour guide as 1 does so that they could show us the sites and guide us with the history and background of the sites. Im a huge history buff and I was equally excited for the trip as my two children and my in-laws. After the first two days, I begin to notice a pattern where my husband would sit in the front near the tour guide and just simply engage with her and ask her questions for the entirety of the trip. I had to sit at the back with the smaller children’s and hand them snacks and water bottles and engage them throughout. After two days of the trip I began to feel like one of the children in the back row. I tried to include myself in the conversations and ask questions, but I was too far back to be heard or be included. I raised this with my husband and asked him whether there was a better seating arrangement where I could feel more included, and he got very upset with me and said from now onwards, he will not talk to the tour guide as I may be getting jealous. The pattern continued throughout the trip, and I just resigned to the back row and kept trying to fall snippets of the conversation. When we would stop for lunch or dinner, of course we would include the tour guide and she will sit with us and my husband, but once again focus all his attention energy on her and not allow anyone else to ask any questions or engage with her.
He comes from a very conservative part of India, where the men do the talking, and the women serve. His mother is the same way and she doesn’t say a single word while her husband leads all conversation. I have not been raised in such a culture and I have multiple degrees and I’m highly educated. I have a lot to say and a lot to share and I have won multiple awards based on my practice and my ideas. It becomes even harder to stay silent and excluded.
Coming to present day, each time we plan a long distance drive to a different city with the UK. He insists on booking with a particular driver from his culture. That particular driver does not talk to me or address me at all. My husband sits in the front and talks to the Driver nonstop while I sit in the back scrolling on my phone feeling excluded bored and lonely. When my girls are with me I could pass my time talking to them and telling them stories or listening to music together. However, when it’s just me alone in the back of this entire seven seater van, I really start a question: what kind of companion I have ended up with? What can I say to him for him to better understand this without thinking I am being jealous.

TLDR: husband sits in the front and talks to the driver, service people, waiter, anyone but me. I am a respectful person and treat all of the above with extreme care and respect, but there comes a time when you also want to be included in conversations

For context, I have an MFA in studio arts, an MA in art education and and of BFA in painting. All my degrees are first class degrees with distinction. I am now interested in pursuing a practice-led Dphil in Uk. I’m looking at the Ruskin school of art at the University of Oxford and Slade school of Art at UCL. I would appreciate if anyone could give me some feedback on the quality of the programmes if they are familiar with them? It would be amazing if someone who has first hand experience of the Slade school of art could tell me what the experience was like.

I’m always trying to hard to believe my husband of 25 yrs. I’m f 49 and he’s m 56. I know he could sees porn regularly and the speed with which he connects to it in front of me shows how well he knows these sites. Every time we have sex, he needs to first open porn, and watch a video. I find it very boring and disconnecting as I would rather have physical contact with him than watch another couple. It doesn’t help me make a connection with my husband. Recently, I came across him chatting with a stranger on his running app. She had suggested they run together in a different city, and he had agreed to help. She had suggested to meet for a drink a day before the run and he had also agreed. He kept it a secret and told me he would be going to another city over the weekend for a run. I could see that the initiative was coming from the girl but he had agreed. I tried not to bring it up because I knew he would blew up at me and exhaust me with telling me that it was in my head and that I was wrong suspecting him. However, yesterday I saw on my phone a suggested follow on Instagram and it showed my husband as her common follow. When I clicked on the profile which looked very sexual and explicit, it was an only fans model profile. The profile had a link to her only fans account as well. I took a screenshot and send it to him asking him for explanation , He got very angry and said that he has no idea how that’ I should know better than suspect him. I am in my wits end. It is affecting me mentally and I don’t feel safe with him while he consumes so much photography And he’s always been caught watching over sexualized women.

Tldr; I have reached a point that even after having evidence I still doubt myself. The worst effect is all has had is on my self-esteem. I thought I would enjoy aging with my husband and feel safe secure and how I feel the exact opposite. I have told him this is how I feel and he says that I am wrong to feel this way. It feels like he does not fundamentally respect women and views them as some consumable product.

I always felt like things don’t add up when my husband tells me about his plans . he has never liked to share his location with me even though we do long distance. I have the main responsibility of taking care of my sons and I’m always on standby to ensure that they are fine when they’re out. Recently, I was traveling for a conference and such a lot of gaps in his behavior and extreme sense of attachment and disinterest I spending time with me. I know he’s an avid runner and uses his Strava app very regularly. I created a fake profile and began to like his posts over a period of 10 days. I know this part doesn’t sound sane, but I was so clueless about where his mind always is that I felt like I needed to know something. I want some concrete evidence. After a week of liking each other’s posts, the fake Strava runner messaged him and he soon enough responded. The travel runners tone was flirtatious from the start and eventually she asked him if he could help pace her as he’s visiting his present town. I prayed that he would ignore her message and Be distant as I know how busy is taking care of our children while I am away for work. Instead, he immediately offered to help her and promised her that he will help her achieve a very high fitness goal in the run. I then went ahead and asked him if he would like to meet on a Saturday so that it would be less awkward when we meet on Sunday for the run and he agreed immediately and then asked if you would like to meet for a drink on a Saturday night and he asked me why not during lunchtime and I said because it will be more exciting and it will give me a chance to dress up. He agreed to that as well when I spoke to him the next day he told me how he was going to go for a run on a Sunday, but he didn’t disclose anything about the details of having met a young runner online. Please also know that I chose an extremely sexy photograph with a lot of sexually inclined posts of the runner lying down in provocative positions. It really broke my heart when he planned to meet her and told her that he would be staying in a hotel for the night. Even told her the name of the hotel. Please don’t advise me to leave him because that is a very unhelpful answer. At some point, he became suspicious and thought that it might be a set up because the runner started getting very explicit and started sharing her fantasies. I asked posing as a runner whether he was single and he wouldn’t answer. He kept avoiding the question and then when I asked him again, are you single please say if you’re single or not he said I will tell you tomorrow. This is all I wanted to hear him say that I think this has gone too far. I’m a married man and I don’t think we should meet for drinks running was fine but this is too much. He never said this and he said I will get back to you tomorrow morning. Without going into the details of what he said the next morning to her, I will just summarize by saying she asked him the next day that I have a crush on him and I would like to get to know him romantically and he said he cannot do this because he is actually married and he apologize for not telling her earlier, but that it will make his wife very angry. He went so far to say to her that his wife knows that he runs with other runners and it’s a passion for him. The fake runner then asked him if she could share one last sexual fantasy before she left, and he immediately jumped to it and said tell me and she went ahead and said a lot of explicit things. He laughed throughout it, and then waited for her to conclude the conversation. This lasted one whole hour.

Had I not rushed The fake strawberry runner into the explicit conversation he would’ve carried on building a relationship with her as he told her in a very short time so many things about his personal life and his routine and how important he is in his job and how frequently he travels. She offered to give him a facial treatment as a return for helping pacer for the Sunday run even then he didn’t see it as a red flag. What upsets me is that he was going to go ahead and meet her secretly without letting me know. He was going to meet her for a drink, even though she said she would dress up for him and he was going to go and pay her as a beautiful woman that’s such a hot body. The hardest part for me to reconcile is not that this would’ve led to anything sexual the hardest part for me to reconcile is that he would have this all as a private relationship and not let me know. I’m just so broken and hurt, but part of me feels that I asked for it. I feel conflicted because I’m the one who catfish him but I feel like I can’t trust him to be transparent with me and tell me the truth.
TLDR: husband was planning to meet a very beautiful young woman on a Saturday evening for a drink, and revealed his intentions of staying at a hotel and even gave us the name of the hotel and then had planned to meet her for a race in which he had offered to run next to her to pay, sir. He still doesn’t know that that runner is me posing as a follower on his Strava.

Hello, my daughter who is 16 years old will be traveling next month unaccompanied from London Heathrow to JFK New York on Virgin Atlantic. I am struggling to get her child travel consent letter notarized here in Oxford UK. Unfortunately, I have to fly out in three days and I can’t seem to get an appointment in time. Has anyone experienced using an online digital yet legitimate local notarized letter, but it is digital in nature?

Exeter college alumna here! I’m keen to join the Oxford and Cambridge club. I need a seconder. Can anyone advise me how I can find one?