18 years as a Twinless twin, and, even being surrounded by people who love me, I always felt alone
I'm a Brazilian 23 year old History Major, already working as a teacher, girlfriend whom I love and she loves me back, a structured family and a beautiful younger sister who is the joy of my life (she's 13 yo).
I have a lot of people today who love me and are loved back. But not even one of them truly understand my feelings.
I was born as a identical twin back in 2003. My brother Enzo was the greatest friend I ever had and I just have nice memories with him. Enzo always has health issues, he never cried, took 2 years to walk and couldn't eat properly without help. Even so, he never victimized himself and was funny as hell.
When we were 5, he choked at school with bread inside the class next to mine and died the weeks following it
My parents never allowed me to have any kind of contact with the body or with him (while the hospital equipment kept him alive), so my last memory of Enzo is sleeping in the same Bed as him the day before his choking.
18 years passed, and there wasn't a single day i didn't feel alone. I'm not comparing pain or insinuating that one pain is superior to another, but my parents eventually knew other parents who lost their children at a young age.
I never met anyone in my entire life who lost their identical twin at such young age.
And it f*cking hurts so much. I hate to see my girlfriend being sad because she is unable to help me, hate the fact that after all this time, I never met someone who had the same issue.
I came here to ask gently to surpass that barrier, to talk, after so many time, to someone who actually understands my pain
Sorry for bad English, it isn't my main language.