r/TwinlessTwins

I’m 42 years old. I was still an identical twin still trying to figure that out lost my brother almost 5 years ago. I’ve never quite been the same. It’s caused me problems in every area of life. My brother was a social one, he made friends for me. He’s also who I spoke to. I’ve been with my wife 15 years, married five. even at this point, I feel like our relationship struggles because she doesn’t understand. I don’t have that person to talk to anymore. We could always speak and hear one another. I feel guilt every day of not being there for him in the way that I should have. Just needed to say it out loud. I miss him in a way that I can’t explain.

I'm a Brazilian 23 year old History Major, already working as a teacher, girlfriend whom I love and she loves me back, a structured family and a beautiful younger sister who is the joy of my life (she's 13 yo).

I have a lot of people today who love me and are loved back. But not even one of them truly understand my feelings.

I was born as a identical twin back in 2003. My brother Enzo was the greatest friend I ever had and I just have nice memories with him. Enzo always has health issues, he never cried, took 2 years to walk and couldn't eat properly without help. Even so, he never victimized himself and was funny as hell.

When we were 5, he choked at school with bread inside the class next to mine and died the weeks following it

My parents never allowed me to have any kind of contact with the body or with him (while the hospital equipment kept him alive), so my last memory of Enzo is sleeping in the same Bed as him the day before his choking.

18 years passed, and there wasn't a single day i didn't feel alone. I'm not comparing pain or insinuating that one pain is superior to another, but my parents eventually knew other parents who lost their children at a young age.

I never met anyone in my entire life who lost their identical twin at such young age.

And it f*cking hurts so much. I hate to see my girlfriend being sad because she is unable to help me, hate the fact that after all this time, I never met someone who had the same issue.

I came here to ask gently to surpass that barrier, to talk, after so many time, to someone who actually understands my pain

Sorry for bad English, it isn't my main language.

I had a twin brother who passed away at 3 months old from SIDS, we were non identical, him a boy and me a girl, he was born first. Im lucky in a sense that my parents always talked about him to me even before I started developing memories, because I don’t ever remember being told I was a twin I just always knew. Ive always felt a bit lost in life, never really been able to find a place to call home, I struggle with relationships, immense loneliness, I feel like I cant connect with anyone the way I want to connect. I have 3 other siblings, and I sometimes get upset with them because I never feel close enough, or loved enough, to the point I do tend to expect too much from them. I often think about what our lives would have been like, how different my life would be if he was alive. I never really thought that grief from an infant twin death could be contributing to some of my struggles, if so does it ever end? Will I ever be able to form a bond with people? 😭

Forever Her Twin
She was my mirror, face and soul,
The missing half that made me whole.
Before the world could speak my name,
She stood beside me just the same.
We shared one silence, deep and true,
One knowing glance the whole world knew.
No words were needed to understand—
Her heart was always in my hand.
We felt the same small aches and pain,
Sunshine joy and sorrow’s rain.
Two separate lives for eyes to see,
But one shared soul—just her and me.
She walked through storms I could not see,
Carrying hidden agony.
Yet even then, through darkest night,
Her love for me stayed fierce and bright.
Now quiet lives where laughter grew,
And days feel dim without her view.
No one asks which twin I’ll be—
The world sees one…
but I feel three:
The girl I was,
the grief I bear,
and Christy’s love still living there.
Because a bond like ours won’t end with breath,
It isn’t broken even by death.
She walks with God in perfect light,
While I walk on through day and night.
And when my journey here is through,
The first face heaven shows me…
will be you.
Forever my sister.
Forever my friend.
Forever your twin—
love without end. 

Ever since my identical twin sister died I’ve been doing stupid little things like not matching up socks correctly or picking apart pairs of cherries, it sounds so stupid or cheesy but every pair of things just makes me feel sad because we are no longer a pair, she’s probably laughing at me from her grave and sometimes I laugh at myself doing it but I keep getting told that it’s stupid and a bad way to cope

Does anyone feel regret because you’re the one that is still alive and your twin isn’t.? I have such deep remorse that my God took my Twin instead of me and it’s breaking me to the core. We were born a set two broken from one cell. How can God take a twin from their twin? I am very angry and still cannot comprehend my Twin’s death. I need help. And yes, I see a psychiatrist and a therapist and it’s not working. I’m on medication’s and I have no family left to talk to.