Ever since my identical twin sister died I’ve been doing stupid little things like not matching up socks correctly or picking apart pairs of cherries, it sounds so stupid or cheesy but every pair of things just makes me feel sad because we are no longer a pair, she’s probably laughing at me from her grave and sometimes I laugh at myself doing it but I keep getting told that it’s stupid and a bad way to cope
Me (21F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been together for 7 years, we both come from families who’s parents got married in their 30’s so we are not in any pressure to get married as young as we are now but I have a feeling that he is planning something as we’ve just recently bought our first apartment in Seattle and we’ve both graduated college and we’ve been together for so long.
I grew up quite poor so I don’t like asking for luxuries even with my boyfriend reassuring me that I can and that everyone deserves something nice and I’ve always had a dream of having a yellow diamond engagement ring but I don’t know how to hint at it without him thinking that I know something. What should I do 😭
I keep on posting a poem about grieving my twin sister to the grief and poems subreddits out there but they keep on getting taken down, there is nothing violent, hateful, sexual or anything it’s just a poem about how I miss people confusing our names. I have a feeling that it might be because cancer is mentioned in the poem but I don’t go into detail about it or anything, can anyone help me understand why this is happening?
They called us the wrong names every day,
We'd laugh and smile and run away.
"You're Alma—no, wait!" they'd always say,
But we just grinned and joined the play.
Two matching smiles, two matching eyes,
Two girls beneath blue skies.
We shared our dreams, our jokes, our clothes,
Like one heart split into two souls.
Our parents sighed with fond despair,
"Which ones which?" hung in the air.
If one was hurt, the other cried,
We never walked far from each side.
The world saw one where there were two,
And somehow that felt warm and true.
Then one day everything grew still,
A whispered word no love could kill.
The doctors spoke in careful tones,
While fear sank deep into our bones.
They learned your name, they knew your face,
They watched you fight with quiet grace.
Cancer stole what it could not earn,
And left a world that could not turn.
It took your laugh, your gentle light,
And handed me an endless night.
After you left, they knew my name.
No hesitation, no guessing game.
No one would smile and get it wrong,
No voice would call us both along.
I never thought I'd miss that sound—
Your name where mine was meant to be found.
I'd gladly spend my whole life through
Being mistaken, if it meant you.
Now mirrors hold just half the view,
A face that's mine, yet still feels you.
The world says one, but I hear two;
That's what identical sisters do.
So if they call me your name,
I never rush to place the blame.
For every wrong name that I hear
Brings back the twin I held so dear.
The saddest truth I've ever known,
Is not that now I walk alone.
It's that the world has learned at last,
The wrong names ended too fast.
Alma died in May after a 3-year battle with a rare form of cancer, she was not just my other half, she was the person who always stopped me from hitting rock bottom when I was going through some of the toughest years of my life. I am 21 and have been living with my boyfriend's family since I was 16, Alma moved in with us when she was 19 as my boyfriend's mom is an oncologist and they had an extra room in their house that was big enough to fit all of Almas treatments and medical devices without feeling like a cramped hospital room which she hated.
During the time that Alma was living with me and my boyfriends family, my older sister Charlotte (23) decided that it would be alright to move into mine and Alma’s childhood bedroom without our permission, that caused a huge fight between us at this point we knew Alma was going to die and that bedroom was full of childhood memories, Charlotte even painted over our pink and purple wall with mine and Alma’s names on it and moved all of our stuff to a family friends storage place. I had never liked Charlotte, she was selfish, mean, narcissistic and violent but I kinda put up with her for the sake of our single mom raising 3 girls.
At Alma’s funeral Charlotte wasn’t grieving, she was literally on the phone during the service and she laughed at my speech and she didn’t even make an effort to dress nice for her own sisters funeral, just a baggy black shirt and some black sweat pants, she used the excuse of her autism and sensory problems when my angel of an aunt bought it up but ever since I’ve completely despised Charlotte, like pure hatred and I can’t tell if it’s because of grief or because Charlotte is just an asshole. I don’t go over to my childhood home anymore, in fact I’m in the process of moving to Seattle with my boyfriend but my mom keeps telling me I’m tearing the family apart even more than it already is.
I need some advice on what to do because my mother is grieving as well and she wants to see me but I don’t ever want to see Charlotte again, I don’t care if that’s immature.