u/Prior_Replacement_33

I was recently banned from the feminist sub for speaking out about the fact that women are not allowed to speak about the male violence they have experienced from 🚂 women.

I recently got out of a sexually coercive relationship with a 🚂 trans woman (without a dick though). Although I view her as a woman, I can also acknowledge that her sexually coercive behaviours were informed by her male socialisation, and possibly genetics in how males think and process things. She has sincerely apologised to me, recognising it was from a place of selfishness, and I forgive her. I’m not posting this to bash her.

But what I experienced was not female on female coercion. I’m hesitant to tell people I know why we broke up, as they will assume it was a female who did this to me, and say, ‘see women are just as bad as men’.

I know of a woman who gets raped with a penis while she has seizures, and got punched so hard her eye socket was dislocated by her 🚂 woman partner. No one can tell me that is not male violence against a female. How is she supposed to get help when she can’t accurately label what is happening to her?

I was called 🚂phobic for daring to acknowledge this type of male harm against females, and asking that the 🚂 community acknowledge this harm done to women.

It is just another form of misogyny that I am not allowed to speak about my story in a way that aligns with my life experience, without being banned, and called names. I was accused of spreading hate and misinformation, as this is not an issue that happens regularly. But how are we going to know how often it happens if women get silenced and banned when they try to speak about it?

I thought this sub could be a nuanced place to discuss this topic.

I just got out of a sexually coercive relationship with a 🚂 woman, and when I type it into the internet, no resources come up at all. The only thing that comes up is the BBC article about lesbians being pressured for first-time sex, and resources of how vulnerable 🚂 people are.

My relationship started off 100% consensual, so I can’t relate to the BBC article. It slowly got more and more coercive, as the coercion took a toll on my libido and made me highly anxious, fuelling the insecurities causing the coercion.

I think it’s dangerous to women to not have this type of information and resources available. I didn’t leave the relationship when I should have, because I kept making excuses for her, and there was no information on my experience. Not a single reddit post or website.

If I post this in twoxchromosomes or relationshipadvice subs, the comments will just tell me cis women can be shitty too and her being 🚂 is irrelevant. But it’s highly relevant, because it’s the situation I was in. From my point of view, it was her distorted view that sex = intimacy, and entitlement to my body that caused these problems, which is a prime example of male socialisation and thinking patterns.

She’s taken accountability for her actions, and is seeking therapy to sort herself out, but it’s too little too late for our relationship. I don’t want the comments saying ‘ofc she would do that, she’s a man’, because I don’t see her as a man at all, and she has as close to a female body as she can get. I don’t emotionally connect with men, and we had a very deep connection. I just wish there was somewhere to have a nuanced conversation about what happened and why it happened. The LGBTQ+ people say intersectionality is important, until it comes to issues like this.

Edit: Thank you to everyone who showed me empathy and understanding in the comments. Dealing with the aftermath of the coercion has been really hard, and the support has meant so much to me.