u/Professional-Put7420

I went to get my annual checkup. It started off bad. I was told that I needed to reschedule when I got there. I didn't want to name drop, but I was grouchy and my anger is set off quickly these days. I used to work for the health system. I feel like a turd thinking that I did that. Sigh. A kind person, a coordinator, came to talk to me. I was expecting an argument, but she was patient with grumpy ass me. I was able to see my doctor. Both the doctor and her assistant were nice as well. It felt weird seeing how patient and nice they were. I thought about how I once felt that way. I'm 1.75 years in. Today, I realized how much I hate myself more so than my life. I thought I would be better now. I get jealous of others who have reported being in a better place by now. I used to talk about the stages of change, grief and all that early in my life as a health educator. Now I feel all I was doing back then was spewing half-assed knowledge. Anyway, I feel like a jack ass. Just wanted to share this realization I'm in on this crap ass "journey" as a widower.

My support network sucks. It’s mainly been my parents. My dad has PTSD and my mom is narcissistic. It’s been a rollercoaster ride. I don’t really want to see them often. I have a 14 year old. I’m mainly around just for him. I don’t see a future of myself. Honestly, if I could pull the plug, I would. My son would be better off living with his mom’s family. It’s not so much sadness. I just feel dead. I wake up wondering why am I still around. I’ve tried therapy, medications, exercising, looking for hobbies, etc. I just feel my mind slipping day by day. A few days ago, the bus was coming towards me and I wanted to step in front of it. I felt a sense of joy inside me. I don’t even know why I’m posting this. It’s not a cry for help. I’m just tired and I hate talking to my inner monologue. Death with dignity should be allowed for everyone. Sorry. Nothing to see here. Move along.

I picked up a Manfrotto tripod during college for a photography class many decades ago. The material is aluminum, I think. I’ve picked up a few tripods since then made out of carbon fiber for SLRs. That said, I’m going to purchase a large format camera, but not a field camera. I know hiking with this tripod will be a pain, but do people still prefer sturdy tripods? I’m debating whether or not to let this tripod go as I downsize my possessions. If I end up just doing still life, will I regret not having a sturdy tripod? Do you all get by with CF tripods just fine?