AITA for wanting another car even though my mom had a car for me?
I (F21) am feeling a bit stuck and need an outside perspective on this situation. I received a car from my mom at 19 as a congratulations/birthday gift for making it through my first year of college. I couldn’t have a car on campus so my mom let her boyfriend used it while I was in school. He did not take care of it in the slightest. There was a busted window he refused to fix, a broken side view mirror, he had never cleaned it, and never did maintenance.
Last June, I crashed the car and was completely at fault for it. And with the combination of my issues and his issues, the car is was drivable but practically totaled and unsafe to drive.
My mom’s car was in the shop at the time so she bought a temporary car for 3k and eventually I bought it from her for 2k. However, the first day I got the car, fresh out the shop, the engine blew and became completely unusable. I drove it for a total of 10 minutes before it blew, so I was now out of 2,000 dollars that I needed for rent and school expenses.
I’ve also given my mom just over 3k including the car expenses because I received large refunds checks from school and don’t mind helping her out, including paying her car note when she wasn’t able to for about 500 dollars.
Now to what has recently happened. Recently, my mom bought a Ford to fix up, with the plan of selling it to me for $2700. When I came back from school I got a car opportunity from a family friend that I decided to check out.
My mom was upset I was looking at the car because “she already had a car for me,” I told her im not the biggest fan of ford so I just want to check out this car and see if it’s worth it. She claimed she was upset because the mileage was too high. But she was taking it as a personal insult, even though I told her multiple time nothing is set in stone and I’m just considering all options. She took me looking at other cars as a done deal and called me stupid, dumb, irresponsible, and other chastising comments for even looking.
Eventually I decided the other car wasn’t worth it anymore and told her I’d rather take the ford until I can save up and buy a new car. Once again, she told me that car was mines, I could buy it from her and over the summer I wouldn’t have to pay as long as I took my brother for driving practice and let him use it. That was reasonable to me as I mainly need it to get to and from work.
Once I told her I decided against the car and I’ll take her deal on the ford, she said that it doesn’t matter because I’m not using the car. I told her I’m going to pay for the car when I get the money and do what she asked of me and she says, “No no, go back to your Avalon. You wanted it so bad even after I told it was a bad idea, so go get that car.”I was genuinely stunned but not surprised but how petty and childish she was being.
She said that she was tired of paying a car note so she was going to sell her car back to the dealership for about 10-15k and would use the ford instead. I asked her what about everything she’s been shouting about for the past few days and she said she changed her mind. I asked her if she could at least let me drive the car until she sells her other car and she is refusing and just keeps saying to go get that Avalon I wanted so bad. So I asked her if she could instead loan me 5k after she sells her car to get a used car and I’ll pay her back the amount she ask for. She refuses to do any of that and told me to instead drive my totaled car if I really need a car. I have massive driving anxiety and that car is a complete safety hazard. (a window is busted it and duct taped over,a side mirror is completely broken, the seatbelts don’t work and the fender is completely totaled).
I feel like I’m being punished for even thinking about doing something that she didn’t want me to, but moreover, I feel like she’s doing this simply out of selfishness of wanting the car instead. I know I’m at fault for my old cars issue and I’m wondering if I’m just acting spoiled for expecting her to help me. I know I’m 21 now and maybe I’m acting childish but expecting her to help me out when I’m at fault for my car being totaled in the first place. But, I’m also frustrated that she’s acting this way over something I was simply considering. I I hate relying on her because she does this stuff all the time; completely screwing over plans we have if it means something more beneficial happens to her or I simply make her upset. To get her to help me I have to constantly bargain with her.
She doesn’t have to worry about paying for my school because I’m completely covered my scholarships and aid. I pay all my rent and utilities on my own and I don’t ask her for money unless I truly need it. That 2k massively screwed me over and I can’t get that back. I just don’t know what to do at this point.
TLDR: I’ve given my mom over $3k this year to help her with bills, including $2k for a car that died 10 minutes after I bought it. She offered to sell me her Ford, but when I decided to to look at another car before committing, she got insulted, called me "stupid," and snatched the deal away. Now she’s keeping the Ford for herself and telling me to drive a totaled car with no seatbelts as punishment. AITA?