u/ProfessorSecure8224

I posted my first post on reddit a few days ago explaining my situation but here it is again:

I'm 30, anxiety/panic disorder for about a year now, and have a loving girlfriend who's as supportive as she can be. But there's this thing of no matter how much someone says they understand or feel your pain, unless you've been through it, you can never fully get it.

Like they can't understand that you just wake up and you feel like shit for no reason and the sudden panic attacks feel like it's going to kill you every single time but it doesn't and it just hurts like hell.

The one time that i truly felt like i was understood was from talking to a complete stranger online (on reddit) that was in a really similar situation as I am in right now. Like the 30 minutes that I talked to him felt better than the hours of talking to a shrink or a family member. I guess I was blessed to have someone DM me based on my last post, explaining how he's in the same boat as me and wanted to talk about it. Like we didn't give each other advice or anything, we just talked about how shitty it was and how we are still young and we can get through it.

Anyone else like this?

Hey guys, this is my first time posting on reddit and oh boy I never thought it would be in this subreddit haha.

I'm a 30 year old dude and have been recently diagnosed with anxiety/panic disorder.

To be really frank, I was one of those people that thought "anxiety/panic disorders" weren't a thing; i thought people were just overreacting for the most part and never in my life have I been more wrong.

My first panic attack happened at the movie theater last year. I was with my loving girlfriend and it was just like any other day until my heart suddenly started racing and I was having trouble breathing. I told my girlfriend that I wasn't feeling well and asked her if we could leave. We got out of the room and things started getting worse and worse. I thought I was having a heart attack. I lied down on the floor (in the middle of the hallway), constantly fighting for my breath, and didn't care if anyone was watching or not because well, i thought i was going to die. This create a WHOLE SCENE and the staff came rushing in and asked what was wrong and i couldn't even talk so my girlfriend and the staff called the ambulance and helped created a barrier so that other people couldn't see me. It was extremely terrifying: I couldn't breath, I couldn't move, my entire body felt like I was having a seizure with all the muscles in my body just shrinking and shrinking until I couldn't even move a finger. I was in extreme pain and constantly thought I was going to die. And like you've guessed, the medical team couldn't help me at all, and that lasted for 3.5 hours.

After that day, I went to go see a psychiatrist and started taking Escitalopram and Propranolol for a few weeks until I just decided not to because I was feeling fine and the escitalopram was interfering with my work (brain fog, sleepy, unable to concentrate). I've had a few moments where I thought I was having a panic attack while I was taking medication but that slowly started to go away and I was ok for a few months and thought I was "cured" and didn't think panic attacks would come again.

Last week, I had the worst panic attack of my life, and I'm pretty sure I know what caused it again. To give you a little background, I've been very successful in my life. Everything went my way: I graduated from a top ivy league school, made millions in my early-mid 20's, and met the love of my life. However, it all started crumbling apart. I've made some poor financial decisions for the better part of the past few years (completely my fault) and now, I'm broke. Well, more than broke because I'm in debt now. I had to sell everything just to keep afloat: my house, car, watch collection, everything, and that still wasn't enough. I don't know how I'm going to be able to pay my employees next month.

I'm more lost than ever. My life became a mess. I wanted to be strong and do whatever it takes to crawl back up again but the fact that I'm suffering from this awful disease is questioning my ability to do so. If it were only mental, I'd be okay but I never experienced such awful physical pain in my life and I'm so scared of every possible panic attack that might come. I'm back on meds now and take xanax (0.25) maybe 3 or 4 times a week because it's getting worse and worse.

My girlfriend is really supportive and has helped me a lot recently and honestly, she's the only reason I'm still alive. I was planning on asking her to marry me before I was sick but now, I don't know if I can anymore. If I can't crawl back out of this hole, I don't want to drag her down with me; I love her too much to do that. The physical pain that it is causing me is constantly holding me back from truly locking in and focusing on my work. Everyday, I wake up feeling awful, wondering if I can get through the day knowing that there is no clear solution to the problems that I'm facing. I wasn't the type of person to shed tears over anything, and now, I'm crying multiple times a day. I think I cried more times in the past month compare to the time in my entire lifetime. I constantly start running out of breath, feel burning/tightening sensations in the back of my neck, and just randomly get really bad thoughts here and there. Everyday is a repeat of self-hatred, endlessly blaming myself for the poor decisions that I've made and continually wishing that the pain would just end.

I just wanted to share my story with you guys because I wanted to apology for being so wrong about this. I've been wrong in the past but never this wrong. The pain and suffering people must go through with anixety/panic disorders especially with others telling you that "oh it's all in your head", "just don't think about it", and failing to understand the excruciating physical nature of this disease.

Will I be able to get through this?

How did you guys manage to stay so strong?

Why am I so weak?

Will the pain go away?

Hey guys, this is my first time posting on reddit and oh boy I never thought it would be in this subreddit haha.

I'm a 30 year old dude and have been recently diagnosed with anxiety/panic disorder.

To be really frank, I was one of those people that thought "anxiety/panic disorders" weren't a thing; i thought people were just overreacting for the most part and never in my life have I been more wrong.

My first panic attack happened at the movie theater last year. I was with my loving girlfriend and it was just like any other day until my heart suddenly started racing and I was having trouble breathing. I told my girlfriend that I wasn't feeling well and asked her if we could leave. We got out of the room and things started getting worse and worse. I thought I was having a heart attack. I lied down on the floor (in the middle of the hallway), constantly fighting for my breath, and didn't care if anyone was watching or not because well, i thought i was going to die. This create a WHOLE SCENE and the staff came rushing in and asked what was wrong and i couldn't even talk so my girlfriend and the staff called the ambulance and helped created a barrier so that other people couldn't see me. It was extremely terrifying: I couldn't breath, I couldn't move, my entire body felt like I was having a seizure with all the muscles in my body just shrinking and shrinking until I couldn't even move a finger. I was in extreme pain and constantly thought I was going to die. And like you've guessed, the medical team couldn't help me at all, and that lasted for 3.5 hours.

After that day, I went to go see a psychiatrist and started taking Escitalopram and Propranolol for a few weeks until I just decided not to because I was feeling fine and the escitalopram was interfering with my work (brain fog, sleepy, unable to concentrate). I've had a few moments where I thought I was having a panic attack while I was taking medication but that slowly started to go away and I was ok for a few months and thought I was "cured" and didn't think panic attacks would come again.

Last week, I had the worst panic attack of my life, and I'm pretty sure I know what caused it again. To give you a little background, I've been very successful in my life. Everything went my way: I graduated from a top ivy league school, made millions in my early-mid 20's, and met the love of my life. However, it all started crumbling apart. I've made some poor financial decisions for the better part of the past few years (completely my fault) and now, I'm broke. Well, more than broke because I'm in debt now. I had to sell everything just to keep afloat: my house, car, watch collection, everything, and that still wasn't enough. I don't know how I'm going to be able to pay my employees next month.

I'm more lost than ever. My life became a mess. I wanted to be strong and do whatever it takes to crawl back up again but the fact that I'm suffering from this awful disease is questioning my ability to do so. If it were only mental, I'd be okay but I never experienced such awful physical pain in my life and I'm so scared of every possible panic attack that might come. I'm back on meds now and take xanax (0.25) maybe 3 or 4 times a week because it's getting worse and worse.

My girlfriend is really supportive and has helped me a lot recently and honestly, she's the only reason I'm still alive. I was planning on asking her to marry me before I was sick but now, I don't know if I can anymore. If I can't crawl back out of this hole, I don't want to drag her down with me. The physical pain that it is causing me is constantly holding me back from truly locking in and focusing on my work. Everyday, I wake up feeling awful, wondering if I can get through the day knowing that there is no clear solution to the problems that I'm facing. I wasn't the type of person to shed tears over anything, and now, I'm crying multiple times a day. I think I cried more times in the past month compare to my entire lifetime. I constantly start running out of breath, feel burning sensations in the back of my neck, and just randomly get really bad thoughts here and there. Everyday is a repeat of self-hatred, endlessly blaming myself for the poor decisions that I've made and continually wishing that the pain would just end.

I just wanted to share my story with you guys because I wanted to apology for being so wrong about this. I've been wrong in the past but never this wrong. The pain and suffering people must go through with anixety/panic disorders especially with others telling you that "oh it's all in your head", "just don't think about it", and failing to understand the excruciating physical nature of this disease.

Will I be able to get through this?

How did you guys manage to stay so strong?

Why am I so weak?

Will the pain go away?