Prologue of [Into the Shadows, 632 words]
I would appreciate general advice. I’m far from it but I am trying to write my first book. I’m 40 pages in and really enjoying writing from different POV’s. For the prologue, I would love any feedback on magic system displayed or writing style to try and critique and perfect my style as I write the rest of the book.
Appreciate your time reading if you do, and any advice you have!
Into the Shadows Prologue
No one will believe you.
Those were the last words Helain heard from the shadows. Standing guard outside the only daughter to her House Lord, she began to look around. She was on guard until the morning, her only companion was watching the flames flicker across the stone wall. She loved to watch them, imagining that each flicker was a little dancing spirit.
The flames would typically dance along the wall, reaching up to the ceiling, dancing on the House banner, and even sometimes towards her. But tonight was different. The flames that usually brought her warmth through the night, felt colder than usual. Even though they were lit the same, the hall felt darker.
She perked up, maybe the dancing spirits were talking to her. Her younger siblings would be so excited to hear about this in the morning.
“Hello, fire spirits,” she whispered into the hallway. “Name is Helain, nice to meet ya.” She looked around waiting for a response from the flames. Her only response was the flames starting to dance slower. Maybe I’ve scared them all off? She wondered, as she sat back down in her guards chair.
Hello there Little one
“Who is there?” Helain yelled down the hall, knowing others would hear and see that she was going crazy. Her only response was a laugh that sounded like it came from the shadows.
No one will believe you
The temperature dropped dramatically as the shadows from the fire drew closer to her. At the furthest torch, two figures began to appear out of the shadows. Black smoke swirled from the shadows of the torch.
“Think she will faint, Vyne?” The stocky guy asks, looking at the shorter girl on his left.
“If she doesn’t, I’ll make her” Vyne retorts disappearing back into the shadows.
She raises her sword. “Stay back!” Helain shouts down the hallway.
The girl, Vyne, reappears a few feet from Helain. She strikes forward, feeling the sword connect with flesh. Vyne yelps, blood pouring from her face. “She cut me!” Vyne looks toward the other guy. He takes one step forward, black mist forming at his feet. “No!” Vyne licks her lips, the gash still bleeding from her mouth to her ear. “She is mine.” Vyne spits blood to her right, reaching her left arm out. Black mist started rolling down her arm. A short sword formed immediately in her hand, frost forming around Vyne’s wound. Helain takes a deep breath, now visible in the cold hallway. She prepares for Vyne to strike, leveling her sword again. Vyne takes the torch off the wall and tosses it at Helain.
“You will not have her!” Helain starts to run at Vyne, hoping that someone will come to her aid. Vyne turns and runs back down the hall. Black mist forms out of the shadows again as Vyne jumps at the wall underneath a torch. Instead of running into the wall, she disappeared.
Helain feels a stabbing pain in her back. Looking down, she sees a black sword coming through her stomach. “Leave her Vyne.” The man said, walking down the hallway. “We have to leave one survivor.”
“Always taking my fun away Kai.”
Helain fell to the floor gasping for air, holding pressure on her wound. She watched as they took the key off the belt and opened the door.
Sylph stood in the doorway. Small dagger in hand, looking as intimidating as she could. The two stepped towards her without fear. Vyne and Kai stepped forward, standing in the torch’s shadow Vyne threw on the ground. They quickly disarmed the young girl.
Vyne grabbed her by the arm and disappeared, Kai leaving a second later. Helain hoped this was all a nightmare, but the pain in her side told her it was real