u/PrudentAbility9219

Hey guys, I have been going to orthodox churches for 7 years and am going to get baptized in August. The thing is that every time I get closer to becoming an orthodox christian I get flashbacks,white flashes voices of religious trauma and childhood trauma and panic attacks. When I stop going to church and start doing my own thing it stops. This has been happening for years and honestly I dont know what to do,I do want to become orthodox but since it is tied to something very tramatic in my past going to church is extremely difficult,enjoying worship is extremely difficult etc.

Thank you

When I was growing up my mom was a liberal adventist and my father was a Ellen g-hadi. If I didnt follow the sabbath to the letter I would get beat or disregard. It also made my entire world view very bleak and dark. I didnt want to make as much freinds outside of the adventist church because I thought that It would be too upsetting for the to go to hell as Sunday worshippers. This caused me to be very reclusive and dogmatic. When I realized that. Not worshipping on Saturday wounds damn me or others,it broke my brain. It is neurogically painful to try to practice christianity now. I took a stand against my mother my family to say that I want an adventist anymore and I wanted to be an orthodox christian. My treatment was so bad that I have severe ptsd and I have ideations and tramatic hallucinations from that period of abuse. Cortisol dumps into me all the time and I am very disheartened,I am also upset with the regular adventist church because they cover up alot of abuse and suppress the individuality because of that witch Ellen g white. For as much as the church talks about Mary they definitely have a woman that they worship. The cowardice of the conference makes me want to puke.I feel at times that I am too damaged to have a good life anymore,but I do try in the best of my ability to have faith,not in the basterdized version of christ.But in the God that I dont know as well.

If your read all of this thank you,giving me a piece of your time is a gift that I am privileged to receive.

I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder a few years ago,I got off the medication and I made more progress in my life then I had on the medication for 6 years. The issue was that I was developing my fathers traits which got me into fights with my mother this caused a relapse of hallucinations and delusions. I am back on Zyprexa ,but I know I will not make it to 30 if I am on these harsh anti psychotics.

When I got out of the marine basic training with a separation I was put on effexor. When I dealt with serious family trauma I had a complete mental breakdown which was labeled bipolar disorder with phycotic features. Everyone said that if I got treated I would live a better life,it only lead my to have scizo like symptoms which I can now see as ptsd. My life seems to have taken a complete stop at 20 ( I'm 26) and I deal with ideation constantly. After my mental facility stay alot of recessive memories are coming back and I honestly dont want to take the zyprexa,because I do not want to live my life like this and it does not make sense for a system that was made 200 years ago to be the only source of healing. The only reason I am not going through with the ideation is because of Jesus christ and orthodox christianity,but things feel like they will always stay like this.

Hey guys, my mom want to go the the orthodox church that I have been attending for years which is good. The problem is that she made my life a living Hell for years. I have alot of mental and physical issues because of the stuff she put me and my brother through. I pray for the strength to deal with my ailments and for the strength to forgive. Everything in me wants to.say no,that this is my space to feel safe and find community.But I know that would be the wrong decision. So please pray for a good result and for my health and my restraint.

I am 26 now but I came in to contact with orthodox christianity when I was 19 as a fr seventh day adventist.Since then I have been persecuted by my own family,I am Isolated,I have developed ptsd from the trauma from that percesscution,every time I get close with being orthodox somthing always gets in the way and now I was getting serious by doing nofap for 5 months and I am being threatened with eviction for protecting myself from assault. I do contemplate suicide at times because I strive to overcome my trauma and spiritual dilemmas but I get pushed back further then I have been.

I dont know what to do honestly