u/Prudent_Hawk_8684

Both my parents are very abusive and I don't talk to them anymore, I raised myself and I'm 19 now. I daydream all the time about having a perfect family and loving parents, a dad who cares about me who I can ring and get help from, or just hang out with. I wish my parents loved the kids they had, I wish they cared the way I see other parents care, why couldn't they? I'd hate to still be feeling this way in 10 or 20 years but I don't see how it can possible just go away :( this weeks been hard to deal with.

I've struggled with bulimia on and off for a few years now, it's a massively bad coping mechanism for me because I had a really bad upbringing. Its gotten to a point however where I hate food, I feel sick when I think about it, I hate eating it because I know I'm just going to throw it up or feel sick after, I have no safe foods apart from things that aren't proper food; ice lollies and I have no idea how to get past this.

I'm also autistic and I usually eat the same meal for entire weeks at a time then move onto something else, and that was always okay and comforting to do but now eating the same thing even three times in a row makes me hate it. I'm actually a little worried this might turn into something worse if I end up not being able to eat food because of how ill it makes me.