I just want to be a successful informant, I’ve tried like 3 or 4 times and failed. 3 times I got killed and 1 time I sold because I didn’t know the evidence had to be all the way full I thought it just needed to be green so I got arrested. Is there a guide to succeeding??
My main character (first person) loses his eye on his non-dominant side early on in the story. What would it be like for him? Other than the obvious loss of sight. How difficult would the adjustment be? What are small, not usually thought of things he would struggle with?
Tagging as vent, I guess? I wanted to tag controversial but idk how many people would say that it is. DISCLAIMER I’m talking about my own life, if I say “you” in this post I’m talking about how I felt and what I observed, not talking about anyone else except me.
Through detransitioning I have recently realized how lonely I’ve lived for 6 years. For so long I was the only person in the room who understood me. People would walk on eggshells to talk about or to me, openly say things like “sorry it’s hard for me to know pronouns”, “I struggle with what to say”, “how could anyone possibly understand.” People side eye me, make remarks I pretend not to notice, laugh or get awkward when I make a comment about myself or even walk into the room. I could never realize or communicate this loneliness to people. Entering male spaces is uncomfortable, opens you up for bullying and unaccepted. Staying in female spaces makes women uncomfortable around you. It makes for either a very lonely life, or a life where the only people you feel connected with are other trans people, which is also very lonely. I remember, while dating some trans people, wishing they would be cis so I could have a chance at “normal.” So that people wouldn’t look at us with twice the awkwardness or disdain, so that I didn’t have to spend energy defending myself and them. It’s a very selfish thought maybe, but I really did have it.
Social pressure isn’t the only reason I detransitioned. I have other posts in here that tell a little bit of my story. But I will say that, now living the way I am now, the relief brings me to tears. I wrote a note in my wedding vows (wedding in 6 days) about how I never grew up pretty or feminine, but through this wedding season everyone (especially my fellow girls) have been raving about me being gorgeous and beautiful, which through all my life would’ve made me uncomfortable and upset, but now it is healing something I didn’t know needed to be healed.
I thought that by being trans, I had found where I belonged. But I look back now and realize that I didn’t belong anywhere. I may never be a girly girl but living through girlhood and being a wife with other women my age, talking about it freely without anyone having to speak with confusion or worry around me, I feel like now I really do belong somewhere. I’ve even tried out nicknames for my legal name haha. I still like the boy clothes and short hair and the name I had picked out for myself, but I don’t think that person needs to be a man. It simply makes me , a woman, more interesting.
As I’ve said in my other posts, I hope I haven’t said anything offensive or tried to sway others. This is just my own feelings that I want to share because this sub really understands me and makes me feel less lonely.