u/Psychological_Sun682

I feel disgusted in myself and too far gone. This about 6 months ago and I can’t move on

For context, I have always been pro-life and quite vocal about it. But fast forward to the start of this year: I got pregnant after planning it. Of course, I was over the moon, as I have always wanted to be a mother. I’m 27, settled, and full of love to share.
The pregnancy initially started off great. I had no major symptoms, just fatigue. But as the weeks progressed, I found myself becoming very depressed, which was triggered by a family breakdown. From then on, my mental health spiralled out of control.
For context, I have always struggled with my mental health, but I had it under control for a number of years. Previously, however, I had experienced psychosis, severe depression, and OCD, which does not help when you are also diagnosed with ADHD.
I cannot explain the cloud that was over me during this period. Something I thought I would never do—abortion—became the only thing that made sense.
It’s so strange because, at the start of my pregnancy, a friend asked me if I was keeping my child, and I was so offended that she would even ask. Yet there I was, contacting the abortion clinic.
After much wrestling with the decision, I took the abortion pill at 9 weeks. I just could not see how things would get better. Prior to this, I had started hating my fetus (I feel horrible even admitting this), and I was constantly wishing I would miscarry. I could not see how I would ever love this child.
This was five months ago, and I can honestly say it was the biggest mistake of my life.
So here is what I learned:
I genuinely don’t believe there is a woman or girl who can have an abortion and not feel some pain or sadness. You go into full grief mode, and it’s a grief that is hard to process because you caused it. You also can’t easily open up to anyone about it because of the shame.
The concept of choice is more complicated than people make it seem. Of course, I ultimately decided to take the abortion pill, but that choice was heavily influenced by my mental state at the time. Believe it or not, after the abortion and once my hormones had settled, that dark cloud completely disappeared.
There needs to be more discussion about perinatal depression and anxiety. I knew about postpartum depression, but I had no idea that women could also struggle mentally during pregnancy, even in the early stages. I never used to understand women who did extreme things during postpartum psychosis, including harming or even killing their babies. After my experience, I understand much more how distorted someone’s thinking can become. I felt like I became a version of that woman.
The abortion industry is far too accessible, and they do not seem to care whether women are in the right headspace to make such a significant decision. I live in the UK, and all I had to do was call a number. Before I knew it, I was collecting abortion pills.
As part of the healing process, I have tried to reconnect with the pro-life movement, but honestly, it has been retraumatising. I constantly come across people calling for women like me to be arrested for murder or even given the death penalty. Yes, what happened was something I deeply regret, but I was acting within the law of the land and within a society that views abortion as a medical procedure. How beneficial is it for me to be told that I should be arrested or lynched? Shouldn’t we, as pro-lifers, be aiming to change things at the government and cultural level instead?
I could say much more about my experience, but I just wanted to share.
I believe abortion is wrong. I believe it goes against the natural design of life, and if I meet a woman who says she is completely happy about her abortion, I would seriously question that.
After opening up to people close to me about my experience, I was shocked to discover how many friends had also had abortions. They had carried this secret for years, struggling with guilt and shame.
Before I go, I would really like to reconnect with the pro-life movement. Would I be accepted back, or would I be condemned for what I did?

So I was very prolife and I did not think I would ever be in this situation.

Essentially got pregnant intentionally so my parents could accept my partner but when they didn’t I aborted the baby I feel so awful how bad is this. I can’t comprehend how I was able to commit such as an evil act especially as someone who knows my word. I completely detached from the pregnancy and almost did not understand that I was pregnant. It is only after I committed the abortion a veil was lifted off my eyes and I understood how evil I acted. I can’t comprehend it and I’m struggling to believe God will forgive me or I can even move on from this. I have been feeling very suicidal but what has stopped me is the fear of hell.
I’m looking for Christians to offer knowledge in this saturation as I am so lost and broke

Hi I’m a female age 27. I have been dating someone and I knew my parents would not accept him due to being an immigrant. In a panic I decided to get pregnant by him and I was shocked when the test came out positive as I have never been pregnant before and I thought it would be difficult as I have fibroids. Anyways I was shocked but happy, fast forward I introduced my partner and my family didn’t initially accept him and I panicked and was worried so I made the decision to get an abortion. I ordered the pills which sat with me for a week as I could not bring myself to take it. I eventually did at 9w4days and it’s been instant regret since. I’m deeply troubled that I tried to use pregnancy to get what I want and when I didn’t I just discarded it. Now I have always wanted to be a mum more than anything which is why I’m even more shocked and I just want my baby back. The sad thing is they now accept my partner. I’m a fuxked up person for aborting with no strong reason.