u/Public_Solution_2838

tw: miscarriage

I’ve been on this sub through all of my (unsuccessful) pregnancies and I have read a lot of posts about “how to be a good pregnant friend when my friend is experiencing infertility” but I’m curious about the other way around.

I just had a second trimester loss and it feels like all my friends are pregnant and they all have varying degrees of sensitivity. I want to be a good friend and make them feel supported, but also I’m not always up for it. Sometimes I feel downright angry that Im the only one in my group that can’t be a parent and I need to take some space, but I’m afraid of hurting their feelings.

As people who are living this from the other side, any advice on the best way to support my friends while also communicating my needs in a way that doesnt make everyone uncomfortable?

I’m sure there’s a ton of posts like this, but I don’t have the emotional energy to search…

I had my third miscarriage in February at 14 weeks. Birthed him in the bathroom. We laid him to rest in the river by our house. My partner was sad at first and then he got over it in about a month, he has said, “ no point dwelling in the past”. I on the other hand grieved for at least two or three months, and it will still crop up every now and then.

I mentioned the other day that it was the anniversary of our second miscarriage. And he said something along the lines of “i don’t remember the dates of every bad thing that has happened. And I don’t really want to remember“

As our (at this point im just going to call it MY) due date approaches, Im unsure how to handle it. I’d like to take a moment to let the grief wash over me and maybe do something special. I also don’t want to be alone in this. But I feel like hes made it clear that this is not how he wants to process. I just Don’t want to feel alone in this anymore :(

After incomplete miscarriage in February I had a d and c.

Since then I have twinges in my uterus. similar to the pains from uterus stretching during pregnancy. but I’m not pregnant or menstruating.

could this be scar tissue forming? is it worth getting checked out

Im three losses deep and I lurk in r/pregnant some times. mostly because I am still hopeful that it’ll be the right sub for me one day.

there are so many posts asking “ how do I tell my infertile/TTC/IVF etc friend I am pregnant”. And so many people comment “you should just tell them. I went through infertility and I was never sad/mad/jealous“ or “ I did IVF. And I can tell you that I was only ecstatic when my friends had pregnancies because I know their journey has nothing to do with mine.”

I don’t feel that way. It feels like everyone around me is getting pregnant. And yeah, I am happy for them, but it Also makes me sad for myself and it makes me wonder why my timeline is taking so long.

Are these women who say they experienced infertility and have only good feelings towards friends Experiencing “infertility-lite” ? Or do they just have better attitudes than I do and I need to get my shit together?

edit to add: thank you everyone. it seems like maybe there’s different ”flavors” of infertility and for those of us with rpl, late term loss, pcos etc. it hits differently.