u/PugoPogi

I'm tired. I wouldn't say that I am not blessed. I am. I have a very loving and supportive family. I have friends. But I'm tired of this continuous cycle of me doing good in my career only to end up starting over again at zero with a new one. And experiencing the same thing over and over again. Why would life make me experience things I've always dreamed of, only for it to be taken away in an instant? Tapos para kang niloloko, babangon ka ulit, work hard, tapos magiging successful ulit and then boom, wala nanaman.

Hindi naman ako tamad. I wouldn't even be successful in my own terms if hindi ko ginagapang lagi. Napaisip din ako if my work attitude changed when I hit those milestones pero hindi e. My first business lasted 10 years, natigil lang nung pandemic and wasn't able to bounce back. My next line of work which paid generously, nawala because of AI, now on my 3rd, going steady but there's this anxiety na baka maulit nanaman.

I've talked to a counselor and I've learned to acknowledge what's happening, and appreciate the fact that I am indeed able to navigate my way through everything life throws at me. Pat in the back, ganyan. Pero nakakapagod na rin talaga. 😢 I just really hope that whatever career I have now, sana last na to kasi I'm putting everything in line. Sana di na bawiin ulit. I don't know if I can handle another failure.

I don't know what to call it and sorry for this weird concern. But how do you deal with the sudden drop in emotions after a very fun spa visit?

When I started visiting spas, I was chubby. And same with other people's experience, nasubukan ko rin na magtayuan at lumayo yung mga tao sa steam rooms and sauna when I go inside. It was demotivating. Umuuwi ako disappointed with myself. Then I started working out and be more mindful of how I wanted to look like. True enough, medyo nagiging mas accepted na ako sa crowd. I get to have fun na with multiple guys that would never acknowledge me before.

But here's the thing, no matter how happy I feel during my time sa spas, no matter how much I feel satisfied kasi finally I get to enjoy na unlike before, once I get home, biglang babagsak yung mood ko and feel like everything that happened was just nothing. Ewan. How do you deal with it if you've ever experienced the same thing?

Also for context, I'm 35, single and no dating for 17 years (so baka sa edad na lang din talaga siguro at pagiging hopeless romantic no?) 😅