u/Pure_Vegetable_6620

I really need some advice about this whole thing, sorry in advance for the length!

TL;DR My roommate keeps struggling to pay rent and is being territorial for no reason after I’ve paid for all of our necessities myself.

So I, 18F, moved into my first apartment with my roommate, 19F (I’ll call her Ella), just over a month ago. I met her online in a group to find roommates, and we hit it off pretty quickly. She was polite, kind, and chill — just the kind of person I’d like to live with.

I’m quite the perfectionist, so I was the one that found the apartment, set up the appointments to look at it, asked all the questions, and even paid the deposit. Ella paid me back for half a bit later, and everything seemed fine. I also bought all the furniture, with Ella saying she’ll pay me half the cost of each one. Additionally I let her have the larger of the two bedrooms, because she had to drive farther to work and it felt like a nice compromise.

The problems started basically immediately. Along with some general issues about her not cleaning up after herself and forgetting to flush the toilet, Ella told me she actually didn’t have the money to pay for any furniture, so I bought everything all by myself. She uses all of it and the agreement was I’d just take it all with me when we move out, which initially I was fine with. Annoyed, but whatever.

The day after our first month of rent was due (I paid the whole thing and she was going to pay me back half), Ella told me her abusive stepmother took all of her savings out of her bank account. I have no clue why her mom had access to it, but point is the money was gone and she had no way to get it back so she couldn’t pay me her half of rent. As someone whose mom was also abusive, I tried to be very understanding of the situation while still making it clear she owes me half of rent.

Long story short, she “didn’t have the money” for nearly two weeks. She was constantly saying “no you don’t understand she took all my money” while still coming home later and later after being out with friends and buying fast food every night. I eventually got fed up with it and told her if she doesn’t pay me back by a certain date, I’d have to find a new roommate. She told me I had no right to threaten that and that her name was on the lease. I actually had spoken to the leasing department and they said as long as I found someone to take her place, I could kick her out as I’m the primary contact for everything. She did finally pay me back but not until almost three weeks after I paid it.

One night about two weeks ago she came home with two friends, shaking and crying. Turns out, her abusive stepmom had found out the complex we lived in and was trying to find Ella. It was also the THIRD TIME her mom had tried to find our apartment. I was very shaken by this, especially since she didn’t tell me until after it had happened three times, and who knows what her mom is capable of. That of course hasn’t been brought up since.

Now for my final straw. Her birthday was last weekend and she bought a medium sized cake and said I could have some if I wanted. The next day I texted her to be sure it was alright, and she said “just don’t eat all of it I guess” (she’d had a SINGLE slice but whatever). Earlier this week, I had a small slice after dinner, since she told me it was fine for me to have some and she’s made it clear that I’m fine to have some of her snacks and such. Tonight I planned to have another slice, and she had written on the top of the box, “Please ASK before eating food I PAID FOR.” Ella’s.
I was so furious. I’ve bought all of our furniture, all of our pots and pans and appliances and everything. I was the one that handled our power being turned off, our dishwasher leaking, and our washing machine being broken. Every time I eat her food, I send her money to cover it (she doesn’t do the same for when she’s eaten some of mine) and she always says I don’t have to do that. I have done EVERYTHING for our apartment. She couldn’t even go to the office during her time off (I work normal office hours and she doesn’t work until noon) to pick up our gym access key, I had to do that.

So here’s what I’m thinking: I’ll cut off all access to anything I’ve bought. No pots and pans, no furniture, no WiFi either since I paid for that out of my own pocket too. If she wants to use anything I’ve bought, she can pay me half.
Thank you so much for reading all of this, I really appreciate it. And please feel free to call me out for being insane over this whole mess!

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