u/PurelyCandid

Barriers barriers barriers

Fucking fake doors

It’s a dense forest without a north star

A labyrinth without a real exit

A convoluted system to

Trap us all

And bleed us little by little

There are hoops upon hoops

To keep us busy

We hop through them like cute little bunnies

While you wolves snicker nearby

 

A system with protection defined in its name

You lure us in with false promises of insurance

And then profit from our vulnerabilities

You divert the bullets to someone else

And never take responsibility

You’re a fucking scam

Hiding behind masks 100-layers damned.

Are you guys just lazy or incompetent? Do you just not care? Is it so fucking hard to send in the right codes to the insurance, so I don't end up paying $$ for something that was supposed to be fully covered?! Please do your fucking jobs. I don't understand why it's so difficult to just code it correctly especially when it's something that's so commonly used?! Why would you code an annual physical as wellness?? Wtf is that shit? It's a fucking annual physical. I get it once a year as prevention not as a need. Do your fucking jobs.

Now, I have to take time off work, so I can call you guys, wait on the line for hours for you to pick up only to be transferred to a different department. And then I wait again only to be transferred to another department. And then another. And another. ONLY to be left with, "We'll send this over to be looked at. We'll call you back when we have more information. This might take 30 days". You guys suck.

I keep pulling and loosening

threads tightened around

my solar,

binding and twisting,

How much longer will I

keep suffocating,

tying myself to these

stories, I lie to myself

Constantly,

Am I a sadistic masochist who

enjoys my own suffering,

or am I just too proud to

accept the truth,

 

Sometimes, I’ll let someone else

pull these threads,

free myself of the blame,

But I always

steal them back

because I know the only way to

Salvation is when I

take the reins

even if it means putting it all on me,

 

I refuse to be helpless,

rather than be a victim,

I’ll take control, and settle for

the pulling and pushing

I inflict on myself.

I stare at this blank page to

Tap into words I don’t yet have

I don’t apologize for these scattered lines

 

It should’ve been the cowardly lion who

Needed a heart. It’s the brave ones

With their hearts exposed, unarmed and ready

 

Suppression is like a

Cold chill blazing into a fire

I am tired tonight from

Snuffing them out

Maybe it would’ve been better to

Let the fire go

If only I knew how

 

How much did you perform today?

So you can be liked,

To be part of something,

Who was your audience?

How many were friends,

Or Family?

Your closest ally?

 

I’m tired of performing, but

It’s either a lively show or

Closed curtains.

 

Bits and pieces

Stitched into woven lines

Sometimes, I’ll make something beautiful

Then squeeze it so tightly

I thought it was love

I thought it was cherish

But it was mostly arrogance.

I'm interested in paintings and the kinds of arts you see in a Fine Arts or Modern Art museum. I want to know the story behind these paintings / creations such as

Why did the artist paint this?

What are the interpretations?

How does it tie to culture and history?

The museums have some information, but it doesn't really go into depth. And I don't know if an "Art History" class is what I'm looking for. I know there are tons of books on art and artists out there, but I'm not sure where to start.

My life passes by like black smoke

But every now and then

Something shines through the fog

I wish it was clarity

If not that, then what is it?

 

The water is so peaceful

I try to grab a handful

It slips away as water does

But leaves behind little stars

Twinkling

Singing

Maybe laughing,

The sound I remember the most

 

Does our soul wither with age?

Or does it become whole with wisdom?

The older I get, the less I care,

Yet, I care so deeply about little things,

Nothing seems to matter much,

Yet, there is also this desperation to

Grab hold of everything

Because time is running fast

Or maybe, maybe I’m

just

slowing

down

as I watch

the black smoke pass.