u/PurpleCupcake2025

If this is my shot at redemption, then I'll take it.

You still remind me of the past I want to forget. The past I thought I have left behind long ago. A mistake that can't be undone.

I've fallen in love many times over after you. And done even more stupid shit. But never quite the kind that I put you through.

In every relationship or situationship I've had, I think I've unconsciously tried to find a bit of you in them. But they were all their own person and at the time I gave them my attention, I learned to appreciate them for who they were. All in my past. You had your own after me too.

It feels like your return bridged 2 decades together. It's surreal... having my past and present collide. I thought I didn't change...but now, I think I did. All those experiences, the pain, the realizations, the suffering, the recovery... it's impossible to remain the same after that.

I'm still unsure about myself. Still insecure about my value to you, the kind of future I can give you. I don't know if I'll ever be fully myself with you. Even back then I felt that barrier between us. Maybe that's something I have to accept.

But this time, I will try to be kinder. More understanding. More patient. I don't know if that will be enough. I don't know anything. All I know is that I don't want to hurt you again.

That's it. That has to be the key. If I'm super nice, compliant... maybe you'll eventually find this whole affair boring.

It's not that I don't want to try again. But I still can't see a future for us. I just don't want to hurt you... I don't even know if I can. But since you decided you want this... then, okay, I'll play along.

I've always regarded you as someone smart, intelligent, assertive... a guy who has his life together at all times. Integrity, discipline... you got that to a tee. It's all too perfect... that's what intimidated me back then, it's still what frustrates me now. I'm just way too human for you.

But you know what? I found a flaw in you... You chose me... again. The one who hurt you in the past. The one who never grew up. The one who knows nothing about life. The one who, apparently, broke up with you for reasons you don't know. Me... why the fuck me? Where's your logic in that?

I'm still thinking someone somewhere out there can take better care of you. What if you're wasting your time with me? I've accepted being alone a long time ago. I have nothing to lose by losing you.

But what about you? What if that someone is out there but because I'm here, because you've chosen me, I'm preventing that other person the opportunity to be with you?

I tried to warn you before. But you ignored me. Now I don't know how to save you from me...from this, anymore. I don't want to be accused of being problematic. Of giving you more stress, especially since you just started with your new job.

And it will hurt me too. I do not dislike you. But it feels selfish and greedy of me to string you along like this when I have all these doubts, when my self esteem is this low. I guess I am selfish because I don't want to get hurt. So even if I know damn well I'm inadequate, I'm pretending that I'm ok. It's all an illusion. I feel like such a poser... pretending to be someone I'm not. Maybe you already know this... we have history after all. But one day, maybe you'll remember and realize this for yourself. Until then... as they say... fake it til you make it.

I will be kind. It's not that hard. I was wary of any conflict with you back then, and now I'm even more avoidant of it. Pissing you off just... brings back traumas of decades past.

Some people would consider this as another chance. A romantic rekindling. And truth be told... I should feel lucky. You're so accomplished now. And I'm really damn proud of you.

But that doesn't change our dynamic. Or my thoughts about us. I'm not after your money. I'm not after anything. I just don't want to hurt anyone, including myself. And somewhere along the way, this will hurt. I'm not being pessimistic. It's based on history. Based on my own insecurities.

I'll do my best to be good to you. You deserve goodness. You deserve love. But I wish that responsibility didn't have to come from me.

​

Maybe it'll require us to be kinder to each other this time around.

Maybe it'll require me to accept that you have emotional boundaries, and instead of trying to make you carry everything I'm feeling, I learn to find other places to put it. Journaling. Reddit. Talking to AI. Whatever works. Maturity is strange. It teaches you that not every emotion needs to be spoken just because it's there. Sometimes feelings don't need an audience; they just need somewhere safe to land.

But then I ask myself... what else will this require of me?

Because the truth is, I don't think I deserve you. I've long accepted that I'm probably not even girlfriend material anymore. I made peace with that. Then you came back and completely ruined the narrative I'd spent years believing.

At first, I thought you just wanted a friend. Someone who already knew your history. Someone you didn't have to explain yourself to. That made sense. I could be that person.

But then... what happened?

I'm still the same person. I haven't suddenly become easier, more confident, or less complicated.

So... why me?

Maybe I'm overthinking it. Maybe the answer is simply that being together makes us both happy right now. But there's a fear I can't seem to shake. What if one day you remember what I never forgot—that we're so different, that we're opposites, that the reasons we didn't work twenty years ago are still waiting quietly in the background?

Maybe that's what this will require of me after all. To slowly give up the independence I've spent years building. To make room for someone again. To believe I can be someone's partner, even when I don't quite believe it myself. And maybe that's what scares me the most.

I liked you for such a long time. I fantasized of the day we would meet, and when we did, I had hoped it would happen again.

I was always fascinated with your stories, with your life, with how candid you were. I really liked you. I never hid that.

And now you're gone. Nowhere to be found. You were my anchor during my toughest days, and my inspiration right after. You may never know how much you meant to me. Maybe it doesn't matter now. But wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I hope you're ok. I hope you're happy.

I'm sorry we didn't end up reconnecting. You wanted me gone after all. And so I left. But I always thought I could still find you here somehow. But now, you're really truly gone. My stalking era has come to an end.

Goodbye dear old friend.

When I say I don't care about your ex, I wasn't lying. I don't. I've never cared about the exes of any of my exes either. I was never the jealous type. It's either you like me or you don't. I don't have enough of an ego to fight anyone over anybody. You want them? Go right ahead and fucking leave me alone.

I would rather you responded to me quickly, but if you can't, that's fine too. 3 hours...5 hours... just at least respond within the day.

My active status is off. My seen replies are off. So in turn I won't see yours. I don't care about knowing whether you're online or not.

If you tell me where you are, what you're doing or who you're with, I appreciate that. But if not... I actually don't see the point in doing that in the first place. Why am I supposed to know those things?

I don't see the point in relationships. I've been single for so long, the whole concept baffles me. Yet, I seem to be in one. I seem to care for some reason... and it defies reason or logic.

I would go on without knowing anything about you. You'd do the same in my shoes. So what's the point in all this?

It stung to see them now. It didn't before. That only means... I really started to catch feelings. This blows. It's frustrating. I thought I was over this shit.

I should be thankful. Maybe God has answered my silent prayers. A long time ago, the night I broke up with you, I looked up at the sky through our window and prayed... that you would either come back or that I would forget you. It comforted me back then somehow, just the act of praying over and over again... even if I got no clear answer, because you didn't come back and I never forgot you. But I did get over you. I came to a point where what you did or who you were with no longer mattered. Breaking up with you felt justified. There was no reason to understand why it didn't work out. No reason to fix it.

Who would have thought that over a decade later... we'd be here again. I have a choice to leave you again. Relationships, love... these things require nurturing, commitment and effort. So I can still leave... it's barely been a month since we reconnected.

But I caught feelings. Dammit, I'm compromised. Staying is scary. Leaving would hurt. Going back to my old life would feel empty for a while.

I don't want to feel affected with pictures of you and your ex. I wish i could get the nonchalance and pride I earned from my years of being single again. I know I'm spiraling again.

​

I tried to discourage you. I still have zero direction in life. I'm still a Disney Princess. Everything you resented me for years ago... I'm still that.

I may have changed in some ways even I don't realize. Change is gradual. Time changes people whether they want it or not. But at the heart of it all, I'm still me.

Today I got some form of closure. And even though you almost broke up with me again... which is weird because at this point I'm not even sure what we are, I think I got what I needed to hear. I didn't think we would ever reconnect. Not in the farthest imagination of my mind. I was prepared to traverse the sojourn of singlehood. I accepted it. I embraced it. I'm not saying I've closed my doors to the possibility of being with someone again. But I felt too old, too tired, too fed up to go through the whole dating process again.

I still can't promise you anything. I'm still as inadequate then as I am now. And when you asked if we should stop... that was my opportunity to save you. The right thing was to say yes. It would have saved you from me. It would have given you the opportunity to find a better match.

I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for taking up your time. I'm sorry for pretending, even just for a while, that somehow we'll be ok. You started this, I know. But I couldn't stop it. It was never in my personality to give up on relationships easily. It would take a whole lot of abuse before I give up. That's how selfish I am.

I told you if one of us has to give up, I want it to come from you. Maybe eventually you'll realize how incompatible we are and I won't even need to lift a finger. You'll do it on your own. If the time comes, I won't convince you to come back to me. No. I want peace. I also want to be someone's peace. If I can't be that, then I'm an ineffective partner. But I also can't just stop being me for the sake of peace. This is a balance I need to deal with.

I love you. But not in a possessive way. And yes, perhaps romantically but not as much as when we were younger. I've been burned many times over. I'm more pragmatic now. When I say something, I aim to fix things. Logic dictates that for most problems there has to be a solution. You don't leave it hanging in the air and hope that it goes away on its own. But then again some problems simply can't be fixed.

Love will not keep us alive. Love is not all that matters. There's maturity, compromise, emotional control, selflessness, sacrifice, trust, respect and ultimately, choice to persevere despite not being in love. Love is the Reason. But Love is not All.

You'll suffer every now and then because of that. Because I failed to save you when I pushed back on your idea to stop what we started. I'm a hypocrite, living on borrowed time and opportunity. I'm really sorry.

I tried to discourage you. I still have zero direction in life. I'm still a Disney Princess. Everything you resented me for years ago... I'm still that.

I may have changed in some ways even I don't realize. Change is gradual. Time changes people whether they want it or not. But at the heart of it all, I'm still me.

Today I got some form of closure. And even though you almost broke up with me again... which is weird because at this point I'm not even sure what we are, I think I got what I needed to hear. I didn't think we would ever reconnect. Not in the farthest imagination of my mind. I was prepared to traverse the sojourn of singlehood. I accepted it. I embraced it. I'm not saying I've closed my doors to the possibility of being with someone again. But I felt too old, too tired, too fed up to go through the whole dating process again.

I still can't promise you anything. I'm still as inadequate then as I am now. And when you asked if we should stop... that was my opportunity to save you. The right thing was to say yes. It would have saved you from me. It would have given you the opportunity to find a better match.

I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for taking up your time. I'm sorry for pretending, even just for a while, that somehow we'll be ok. You started this, I know. But I couldn't stop it. It was never in my personality to give up on relationships easily. It would take a whole lot of abuse before I give up. That's how selfish I am.

I told you if one of us has to give up, I want it to come from you. Maybe eventually you'll realize how incompatible we are and I won't even need to lift a finger. You'll do it on your own. If the time comes, I won't convince you to come back to me. No. I want peace. I also want to be someone's peace. If I can't be that, then I'm an ineffective partner. But I also can't just stop being me for the sake of peace. This is a balance I need to deal with.

I love you. But not in a possessive way. And yes, perhaps romantically but not as much as we were younger. I've been burned many times over. I'm more pragmatic now. When I say something, I aim to fix things. Logic dictates that for every problem there has to be a solution. You don't leave it hanging in the air and hope that it goes away on its own.

Love will not keep us alive. Love is not all that matters. There's maturity, compromise, emotional control, selflessness, sacrifice, trust, respect and ultimately, choice to persevere despite not being in love. Love is the Reason. But Love is not All.

You'll suffer every now and then because of that. Because I failed to save you when I pushed back on your idea to stop what we started. I'm a hypocrite, living on borrowed time and opportunity. I'm really sorry.

​

You once told me I overthink.

The funny thing is, you're right.

I always have.

Long before I met you.

Long after I lost you.

It's the way my mind has always worked. I pull on threads. I look for patterns. I replay conversations because I'm trying to understand, not because I'm trying to win.

What I don't think you ever realized is that I've spent years making peace with that part of myself.

I stopped trying to become someone who feels less.

I stopped apologizing for needing more time to process.

I stopped measuring my worth by whether I fit neatly into someone else's idea of "normal."

For years, I built a quiet life around one belief:

I don't have to change who I am just because someone else would live differently.

It was a peaceful place to be.

Then you came back.

Not loudly.

Not dramatically.

Just enough to make me wonder if the peace I found was built on sand.

That's the part I resent.

Not you.

Not your honesty.

Just the fact that someone whose opinion still matters to me can make me look at a foundation that took years to build and ask,

"Was I wrong all along?"

I don't think you know what that feels like.

You probably think we're just having conversations.

For me, they're earthquakes with very polite voices.

You challenge ideas.

I quietly start questioning myself.

And I don't think either of us intends that.

If anything, that's what makes this so tragic.

You're not trying to hurt me.

I'm not trying to be difficult.

We're just speaking different emotional languages and calling it communication.

You look at me and see someone who overthinks.

I look at myself and see someone who has spent years trying to understand the world deeply enough to make peace with it.

Neither description is false.

But only one of them taught me how to survive.

I wish you knew that every time I chose to tell you something vulnerable, it wasn't because I wanted reassurance.

It was because I trusted you enough to let you into a place that I rarely let anyone see.

Lately, I've caught myself choosing silence instead.

Not because I have nothing left to say.

Because I'm terrified that one day I'll wake up and realize I've traded my self-respect for your approval without either of us noticing it happened.

Maybe that's unfair.

Maybe that's fear talking.

Or maybe it's the only part of me that still remembers what it took to rebuild after we fell apart the first time.

I don't know.

What I do know is this.

I still hope you're happy.

I still hope life is kind to you.

And I hope that one day, someone sits across from you, tells you something that makes no sense to you whatsoever...

...and before you explain it,

before you solve it,

before you decide whether it was reasonable,

I hope you simply ask them,

"What was that like for you?"

Because I think that's the question I waited years to hear.

And maybe...

just maybe...

it's the one question we both needed.

Whatever the reason is for deactivating your account, I hope it's nothing serious. Did someone hurt you? Are you hiding from someone? I was half hoping to hear from you on my birthday... but maybe you found someone already. It's ok. I'm in a pretty confusing situation myself. One that I have to be responsible for while it's ongoing. One that requires me to redeem myself.

I hope you come back though. It's still interesting to read your posts. I hope you don't resent me.

You once told me I overthink.

The funny thing is, you're right.

I always have.

Long before I met you.

Long after I lost you.

It's the way my mind has always worked. I pull on threads. I look for patterns. I replay conversations because I'm trying to understand, not because I'm trying to win.

What I don't think you ever realized is that I've spent years making peace with that part of myself.

I stopped trying to become someone who feels less.

I stopped apologizing for needing more time to process.

I stopped measuring my worth by whether I fit neatly into someone else's idea of "normal."

For years, I built a quiet life around one belief:

I don't have to change who I am just because someone else would live differently.

It was a peaceful place to be.

Then you came back.

Not loudly.

Not dramatically.

Just enough to make me wonder if the peace I found was built on sand.

That's the part I resent.

Not you.

Not your honesty.

Just the fact that someone whose opinion still matters to me can make me look at a foundation that took years to build and ask,

"Was I wrong all along?"

I don't think you know what that feels like.

You probably think we're just having conversations.

For me, they're earthquakes with very polite voices.

You challenge ideas.

I quietly start questioning myself.

And I don't think either of us intends that.

If anything, that's what makes this so tragic.

You're not trying to hurt me.

I'm not trying to be difficult.

We're just speaking different emotional languages and calling it communication.

You look at me and see someone who overthinks.

I look at myself and see someone who has spent years trying to understand the world deeply enough to make peace with it.

Neither description is false.

But only one of them taught me how to survive.

I wish you knew that every time I chose to tell you something vulnerable, it wasn't because I wanted reassurance.

It was because I trusted you enough to let you into a place that I rarely let anyone see.

Lately, I've caught myself choosing silence instead.

Not because I have nothing left to say.

Because I'm terrified that one day I'll wake up and realize I've traded my self-respect for your approval without either of us noticing it happened.

Maybe that's unfair.

Maybe that's fear talking.

Or maybe it's the only part of me that still remembers what it took to rebuild after we fell apart the first time.

I don't know.

What I do know is this.

I still hope you're happy.

I still hope life is kind to you.

And I hope that one day, someone sits across from you, tells you something that makes no sense to you whatsoever...

...and before you explain it,

before you solve it,

before you decide whether it was reasonable,

I hope you simply ask them,

"What was that like for you?"

Because I think that's the question I waited years to hear.

And maybe...

just maybe...

it's the one question we both needed.

I never imagined we'd find our way back to each other. If someone had told me twenty years ago that we'd meet again, I might have believed them. But if they'd told me we'd end up in each other's arms, I would've smiled politely and said they were wrong. We had already lived our story. We had already chosen different paths. Or at least, that's what I thought.

The strange thing is that time changed so much, and yet so little. We grew older. We built separate lives. We collected experiences that had nothing to do with each other. But when I looked at you, I didn't see a stranger. I saw someone my heart had known for half my life. There was something comforting about that familiarity, something that quietly slipped past all the logic I had spent years building.

I wish I could say it happened because I believed we were meant to find each other again. It didn't. The reasons I walked away from you all those years ago are still there. We still value different things. We still speak different emotional languages. I don't think either of us is wrong. I just don't think we were ever meant to walk in the same direction.

Maybe that's what makes this so bittersweet. I didn't sleep with you because I thought love had finally won. I slept with you because I missed being close to another human being. Because it had been years. Because I trusted you. Because after all this time, your touch still felt familiar. There are some people whose presence your body remembers long after your mind has accepted that they're no longer part of your future.

Afterward, I found myself thinking about things I thought I had buried years ago. Pregnancy. Motherhood. The possibility that life could still surprise me at forty-five. I know you want a child. I had already made peace with the idea that I might never become a mother. I had accepted that some doors quietly close without us noticing. And then, in one night, I found myself standing in front of that same door again, wondering if it had really been closed at all.

The funny thing is, I'm not afraid of being pregnant. I'm afraid of what it would ask of me. I've spent so many years learning to live alone that solitude no longer feels lonely. I've become protective of my independence, my routines, my quiet. Somewhere along the way, I stopped imagining myself as someone's wife. Not because I became cynical about love, but because I came to understand myself. Some people dream of sharing every part of their life. I've always found peace in keeping parts of mine entirely my own.

You deserve someone whose dreams look more like yours. Someone who wants the family you've always wanted. And I deserve the honesty of admitting that, despite loving you once—and perhaps in some quiet corner of my heart, always—I don't think love is enough to erase the differences that have always stood between us.

So maybe this night wasn't the beginning of a new chapter. Maybe it wasn't a mistake either. Maybe it was simply two people, carrying twenty years of history, finding each other for a moment before returning to the lives they had already built. A reminder that some connections never truly disappear. They just become gentler. Quieter. Less demanding.

If that's all this becomes, I think I'll be okay with that. Because not every love story is meant to end with forever. Some exist simply to remind us that once, long ago, we were deeply known by another person. And sometimes, after all the years that pass between then and now, that's enough.

You've come back to my life for some reason. I don't know why. Why me? Why not find someone new? We ended for a reason and that reason hasn't changed. Are you just bored? Are you toying with me? Are you just casually playing games? Looking for a friend?

I will be your friend if that's what you want. I owe you. I have wronged you and no amount of karma will wash away my guilt. Over a decade has passed. Our lives have gone separate ways. Why are you back?

I still care for you. I never really stopped. But I had to move on because we were just too different. You never understood me. My need to be heard. My introversions, my abstract thinking, my weaknesses, my flaws. You didn't make me feel wanted or desired. I'm a hopeless romantic and it didn't feel like that's something you can reciprocate. I felt like you treated me more like your cousin or sister, especially towards the end. Maybe you fell out of love with me. But I wanted more. So much more. But that's just who you are. I can't change you any more than you can change me.

There is no justification for what I did. I will never justify it. Especially since I got a taste of it myself after. But I did what I did for these reasons. If I could turn back time, I should have communicated these things with you and gave you a chance to fix us. If you couldn't, I should have just ended it then and there instead of dragging it on. But I was afraid to lose you. I was young, stupid and lonely. So I tried to get from someone else that which I couldn't get from you.

I intended to keep that secret to my grave. But I should have known...there's no secret that can be kept forever. Time taught me that lesson the hard way.

Maybe you tried your best. Maybe your own situation overwhelmed you and you needed my support being so far away and lonely yourself. But it felt to me like the relationship was all about you. I lost myself in the process. I felt like everything i did was wrong. I lost my self confidence. You were always the right one and I walked on eggshells around you.

I have accepted my mistakes since then. I have already suffered horribly. If karma were real, I have paid for it 10 times over and then some. After several more tries, the Universe probably found me unfit to be in any relationship. I have remained single and decided to stop dating or looking for anyone altogether. Isn't that enough penitence?

Unfortunately, I can't move forward. That's just not who I am. I'm stuck in this past of fear and wanting and losing you because I just wasn't good enough. Decades later, I'm still not good enough.

And now i'm putting on this mask of maturity and confidence... because i think it's the only language you'll understand. I can't say no to you. I suppose I will always care. But my feelings for you is already beyond romantic. Time will do that. So if you do find someone new, someone more suited for you, I will genuinely be happy for you. You deserve it.

I'll play your placeholder until then. Your in between. I'll try to be as strong as I can.

I suffer because of this friendship. But I'll suffer it gladly, even if my only purpose is to entertain you or comfort you while you're at the crossroads of your life. Then you can go as you please once things are settled. Maybe then I would have partially redeemed myself.

I suffer because you have returned the same and I still couldn't get what I want out of you. I don't even know why I still care. Maybe because I'm just nostalgic. I have trouble letting go of the past. Or maybe because you were my first.

Lord, if this is a do over, if this is my chance at a new beginning, please help me do the right thing. Help me say the right words. And if he's not for me, don't let it hurt that much when it's his time to leave again.

I know I did something wrong to you. But it has been almost been 2 decades. I was young. I was dumb. I'm old now and I've been through hell and back. Do I have to amend for it for the rest of my life? Haven't I had enough karma to last me a lifetime?

Buti pa ang mga nakulong nakakalaya eventually. Di ba may time limit ang jailtime? Hindi naman pang reclusion perpetua ang kasalanan ko... pero ano to? Pagbabayaran ko sayo habang buhay?

Di naman kita ma block. Wala akong karapatan. Pero when you reach out to me... parang ano gagawin ko? Ignore kita? Taon na. You made me a place holder throughout the years. Pag may jowa ka tahimik ka. Pag wala... nagpaparamdam ka.

Di ko naman pwede sabihin sayo na it still hurts me until now. Because you've always been cold and heartless. What do you care about my feelings? Kahit na nung tayo pa it's always been about you. I loved you and it hurt so much when I ended things with you. But looking back, it was the only choice. I have no regrets. You should thank me for doing it.

At alam kong wala akong karapatan na tumanggi sayo. I guess I'll be carrying this guilt forever. And because of that I have to be nice kahit gawin mo pa kong place holder doormat mo ng paulit ulit. Tangina hahaha!

Is this the price I have to pay for the rest of my life? How will I know when my debt to you has finally been settled?

Ipagdadasal ko na sana makahanap ka na ng forever mo. I think that's the only way out of this. The only way I could be free. Until then...sige gamitin mo lang ako ng gamitin. Kahit masakit. You don't have to know how I feel. I just have to pretend that I'm as cold and heartless as you. This courtesy I give you.. bayad utang ko yan sayo. Universe... if you can hear me, just give the dude his forever na kasi.

Most days I'm ok. I'm too busy working. I'm not looking for love anymore. I've been through too much. I think I've had enough.

But today, just for today, I wish I could talk to you. Sometimes I give in to weakness. Just today someone, somebody... save me.

If I thought it hard enough, would you feel it? Would the Universe connect me to you? And by some magic, you'll just message me... just because I willed it.

And nothing can be more pathetic. Bilis mo naman ma in love. Well, at least you're suffering like I am.

Ano meron sa kanya? Saka bakit kasi hindi pwede? Hindi man kita matikman maka Marites manlang. Baka nasaktan mo rin sya. Ano ba mali kung mag jowa ka na? Kung magpapaasa ka lang rin naman, wag mo nang simulan. Guguluhin mo buhay ng nananahimik tas pag gusto ka na nila biglang aatrasan mo sila. Anong galawan yan?

Hay sa mga tanong na hindi ko na makukuha ang sagot. Sa bagay, pag nalaman ko, ano naman? Baka malungkot lang din ako.

Hahaha so hindi nalang pala ako ang stalker mo ngayon. Ako kasi tahimik. Tong bago mo is actively liking your posts.

Puro stalker lang ba meron ka? Mag jowa ka na.

Oh baka yang stalker mo eh actually jowa mo narin. Nasabi mo sakin noon you don't like posting in socmed. Well sana ok lang sa kanya na hindi mo pinagmamalaking kayo na. Basta ako sawa nang maging dirty little secret. Kaya if yan bet mo, k tnx bye.

Because I'm too lonely now. And I fall in love too hard. So much so that I can be slapped with and choked with red flags and I will ignore it. I'll make up lame excuses why they're justified for doing whatever crap they're doing.

I'm also gullible and I trust people too much. The last time I was cheated on, the other girl had to send me graphic s3x photos of her and my ex to make me believe it. Even then, I forgave. Anyhow, old story. I'm free from that nightmare.

I've tolerated a lot of dumb shit for years. I've now been single for maybe 4 years? I've lost count of how long. I've uninstalled any and all dating apps. I've ignored a few dms here too. There comes a point in being single that life settles down and becomes comfortable.

So in retrospect, I'm afraid to fall in love again. Because I know I could. My life is just work. As an introvert, I usually go out on my own and I'm fine like that. But if I fall, I would always crave the attention of my partner. They might become my world. I hate bothering people, but being in a relationship is different. There's intimacy involved. Exclusivity. Commitment. Expectations.

I wish it weren't that scary. That people can always be trusted to love you and want you the same way you do. But always, it feels like I'm the needy one. I'm tired of it.

At least now that I'm single, I have no expectations. I know I can only rely on me. Rely on myself to feel better when I'm down. Find my own way to happiness, even if only temporary.

Maybe someday I'll have someone who can match my freak. Or maybe not. But for now... I'll just enjoy the summer breeze.