Might be going to residential facility, if I dont improve.
CW: sh and sui implication
I'm really sick of people telling mentally unwell people to "get help" I understand why they do it. But I mostly mean those who demand it or act like it's easy because it's fucking not. It's not accessible to everyone I'm sorry to say but in some places they will very much let you die before they do anything to help you.
Back on topic the only form of help my therapist and case manager can think of for my issues is being in a residential facility, my mom heavily disagrees with this saying it could be used against me if i had kids or something in the future. I truly don't know what i want but she says she's trying her best to find anything she can thats outpatient.
In the time ive been outpatient I am getting absolutely no help what so ever and I dont trust in patient based on the lack of treatment im currently getting, im absolutely losing my mind especially since I've been kicked out of my dads house, forced to live with my aunt for months, all of that and my dad said he would FINALLY tell me why in person this week and guess what? Nothing from him this entire week.
I genuinely dont want to be here and have rather graphic thoughts in my head, but I'm just sitting here. I haven't been hungry in 2 days, I'm constantly angry and anxious, my body is stressed 24 7 with absolutely no release, and nobody except my best friend, Kay cares what so ever.
They are going to watch me get worse and worse and sicker and sicker until I actually succeed.
But for right now im sitting in bed and im going to argue with my dad for a bit to wonder wtf is going on and try not to hurt my arms and legs or take the "mystery trail mix" I kept in my bookbag.