Please advice for my children’s sake
Bit of a long story but I just don’t know what to do.
We have a 3 year old and a 4 year old girl together, due to be married in a few months. However I just don’t know what to do as he has made big changes but still is often angry and reactive and I get consumed by stress from it. Such awful negative feelings. I am a stay home mum and have had a very hard time, both births traumatic, endo which I got a hysterectomy for last year at 30, my youngest still wakes all night from reflux and I haven’t slept more than 3 straight hours in 4.5 years. But my girls are so wonderful I adore them.
My partner uses to get very annoyed and triggered by them crying as babies, hated me being too ‘soft’ on them which was just me giving them love, he has multiple times gone into a fit of rage (one time kicking and throwing a wheelie bin at the house when I angered him) , he fought me about wanting to smack the children even as babies, he used to swear terrible words in the face of our newborn when she wouldn’t stop crying , etc. sounds awful when I write it. He has made good changes from that in recent times with my help as I know he truly doesn’t want to act that way. However he does sometimes get angry yelling and swearing when the 3 year old wakes crying and it makes us so stressed I really hate it. He apologises and says he is disappointed in himself after. I am still broken from my own father having anger outbursts and I am so sick about my girls turning out the same. I guess I am wondering, is it not good of course but good that he is working on dozing his anger? Or am I normalizing this because of my past I really don’t know. He loves our girls so much I know that. He had a very abusive childhood. Is it just a waiting game for him to fully stop this negativity? Whenever I bring things up he is immediately defensive and it puts me in an unbearable level of stress in my body. I appreciate any advice. And I simply could not manage 50/50 custody I could never be away from my girls like that.