Tattoos and self acceptance
Over the past two years, I’ve been under constant stress because of my tattoos. It all started when I noticed that a tattoo I’d had done many years ago had aged terribly and was no longer recognizable. So I decided to have it lightened with laser treatments so I could get a cover-up.
The cover-up was done last May, and I was absolutely thrilled with the result, especially after everything I had been through. However, since the beginning of this summer, I’ve started noticing several flaws in the cover-up. Maybe it’s partly my fault because I didn’t take care of it as well as I should have, and now some of the old lines from the previous tattoo are becoming visible again. I’ve already booked a touch-up appointment for this October.
Around the same time last year, I also decided to have my Batman and Joker sleeve reworked. That sleeve has been especially difficult for me to accept. Batman and the rest of the tattoo turned out great, but the Joker changed completely and never liked it. That came as such a shock that I ended up going to therapy because I was ashamed to show it.
For a short period after getting the cover-up, I finally accepted my tattoos and felt happy with them. But over the past few months, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them. I’m constantly looking at my arms, and whenever I’m around a lot of people, I try to keep them covered.
I constantly compare myself to other people, and I feel like I made the wrong decisions from the very beginning. Sometimes I wish I could erase all my tattoos and start over, even though I know that’s not really possible.
I’ve never been someone with a lot of self-confidence. Even though my friends and family often compliment my tattoos, I can never see what they see, and I struggle to believe their kind words. It’s becoming harder and harder to move forward. My first thought every morning is always about my tattoos, and sometimes I just wish I could sleep so I wouldn’t have to think about them.
I’m not sure whether I’m writing this just to vent or in the hope of finding someone who has been through something similar. Either way, thank you for taking the time to read this.