u/Puzzleheaded-Sun-799

I recently moved pretty far from where I went through my loss last year and it’s been tearing me up inside as if I left a piece of my heart and my son there.

I didn’t want to move but my husband got a job elsewhere. I have my son’s ashes in an urn and some in a necklace to take him with me. So he’s always with me. I guess I thought moving would help me not relive the memories constantly. I felt like every place we went to reminded me of when he was still with me because I went there pregnant with him. But now it just makes me feel more distant from him.

I don’t know if I’m making any sense, his 1st birthday is coming up and I thought I’d be feeling better by now but I feel like I’m going to have a broken heart for the rest of my life.

I lost my son August 2025 due to multiple anomalies and t13.

I’m now 20 weeks with my baby girl, and I have a toddler who is also a girl. I feel like a terrible person but I always dreamed of having two kids one boy one girl. I’m very grateful for my baby girl who is healthy, I really couldn’t ask for more, I know she was sent by her brother. I just can’t shake the thoughts that I just wasn’t meant to have a boy? That I didn’t deserve him or I wanted him too much? My family says “everything happens for a reason” and can sometimes be overly religious which just makes it all hurt more. Or people say aww poor guy (about my partner) when they find out it’s our 2nd girl. Which feels like a stab in the heart. I am excited for my baby girl, I don’t have any sisters so I feel like giving my daughter a sister is truly amazing. But all in the same breath I of course wish my son was here too.

I guess I just wanted to vent, and ask if my feelings are a bit out of place? I should only be grateful right? But the grief just feels heavy.