u/Puzzleheaded-Sun2468

Too many women in my life

I’m here to vent, I don’t need advice, I just want to get some things out of my head because I’m feeling a little alone in some of my feelings and I don’t want them to fester

I know most of this (if not all of it) is in my own head, but I grew up in a family of all women, I went to an all women’s school, most of my friends and loved ones are either straight/bi/lesbian women or bisexual men and bisexual nonbinary people. I can’t tell my straight friends that I’m leaving our book club because I didn’t anticipate being this turned off /uncomfortable constantly reading about women having sex (it’s a romantasy book club). I think I have exactly 1 gay male friend and we didn’t really get to be that close before I moved to a new state for a new job. I DO know a few other ftm folks but… they’re all bisexual and dating women.

And it’s isolating.

I feel like a lot of people in my life expect me to be attracted to women either because I’m queer, or because I have the same parts as them, and I’m not. I logically know my (bisexual) husband doesn’t view me as a woman and he isn’t attracted to me because I’m womanly, but I also know that I hardly pass most days and I still have the female parts that I consider repulsive but everyone else in my life thinks they make women sexy; on my bad days like today I can feel my brain pressing the idea into my head that my husband likes me because I have tits and a vagina and not because I’m attractive enough as a *man.* I can’t ask him to stop talking about how much he likes women because he has told me in the past that he feels like his attraction to women makes him less queer than others, but I often feel like me not being bisexual makes ME less queer than others (as evidenced by the fact that most of the queer people I know are all bi or pan). And even though he is attracted to men, we both have VERY different types so I can’t even relate to him about us finding men hot together (he likes them skinny and sad, I like them robust and cheerful)

Also it often feels like I’m being pelted with propaganda from all sides that *I picked wrong*, I’m making a mistake, I wasn’t built right because *I’m not attracted to women* and i’m repulsed by my own body parts. Men aren’t “marketed” to the public in the same way as women and even watching movies or tv shows or reading books or playing video games, women are more often designed to seem like they’re selling sexuality to me and not like they’re just… people. Being attracted to women is seen as a default in our society to the point that it’s fetishized, whereas being attracted to men always seems to come with an apology. And I get it! Patriarchy and men suck!

Idk a lot of the time it just feels like a salesman keeps coming to my door every single day to try and sell me pool cleaner when I don’t even have a pool or even WANT a pool. And I’m so tired of it. I just want someone in my life that I can relate to.

Too many women in my life

I’m here to vent, I don’t need advice, I just want to get some things out of my head because I’m feeling a little alone in some of my feelings and I don’t want them to fester

I know most of this (if not all of it) is in my own head, but I grew up in a family of all women, I went to an all women’s school, most of my friends and loved ones are either straight/bi/lesbian women or bisexual men and bisexual nonbinary people. I can’t tell my straight friends that I’m leaving our book club because I didn’t anticipate being this turned off /uncomfortable constantly reading about women having sex (it’s a romantasy book club). I think I have exactly 1 gay male friend and we didn’t really get to be that close before I moved to a new state for a new job. I DO know a few other ftm folks but… they’re all bisexual and dating women.

And it’s isolating.

I feel like a lot of people in my life expect me to be attracted to women either because I’m queer, or because I have the same parts as them, and I’m not. I logically know my (bisexual) husband doesn’t view me as a woman and he isn’t attracted to me because I’m womanly, but I also know that I hardly pass most days and I still have the female parts that I consider repulsive but everyone else in my life thinks they make women sexy; on my bad days like today I can feel my brain pressing the idea into my head that my husband likes me because I have tits and a vagina and not because I’m attractive enough as a man. I can’t ask him to stop talking about how much he likes women because he has told me in the past that he feels like his attraction to women makes him less queer than others, but I often feel like me not being bisexual makes ME less queer than others (as evidenced by the fact that most of the queer people I know are all bi or pan). And even though he is attracted to men, we both have VERY different types so I can’t even relate to him about us finding men hot together (he likes them skinny and sad, I like them robust and cheerful)

Also it often feels like I’m being pelted with propaganda from all sides that I picked wrong, I’m making a mistake, I wasn’t built right because I’m not attracted to women and i’m repulsed by my own body parts. Men aren’t “marketed” to the public in the same way as women and even watching movies or tv shows or reading books or playing video games, women are more often designed to seem like they’re selling sexuality to me and not like they’re just… people. Being attracted to women is seen as a default in our society to the point that it’s fetishized, whereas being attracted to men always seems to come with an apology. And I get it! Patriarchy and men suck!

Idk a lot of the time it just feels like a salesman keeps coming to my door every single day to try and sell me pool cleaner when I don’t even have a pool or even WANT a pool. And I’m so tired of it. I just want someone in my life that I can relate to.

Background: Been using various air pulse toys from Satisfyer for the last few years but I have to basically guess as to whether or not they “fit” correctly, and when they wear out (which happens often because they’re cheap) I have to start the search over again. For example, the most recent one I used that did the job adequately enough was the heart-shaped air pulse toy. It mostly fit, but got very snug as the area got aroused and swollen (as they tend to do)

Here’s the request: I’m looking for recommendations for electric-powered toys that are air-pulse action (NOT wands or high power suction devices) that can accommodate the size of bottom growth. What have y’all been using?

Note:
- wands are too powerful and cause numbness
- suction toys (the ones for “enlargement” or whatever) too painful
- my arms are too short for manual stimulation

Thanks for your advice and help in finding a toy that fits with bottom growth!

I’m ftm, on testosterone gel, and pre-surgery.

I’m also dealing with a lot of “what do you mean this provider isn’t in my insurance network??” I’m struggling to get in contact with anyone who works at my insurance company, can’t seem to find clear answers on what procedures and medicines are/aren’t covered by my insurance, and frankly I almost went self-pay this year due to insurance costs until I qualified for tax credit assistance (which dropped me from over $500 a month on premiums to just under $200 a month). Not even mentioning the additional costs for doctor’s visits considering the fact that my insurance is apparently not accepted by any physician within a 30 mile radius of me…

Safe to say I’m growing extremely exhausted of insurance BS, but I’m concerned about signing up for a concierge physician considering the fact that I want to get top surgery sooner rather than later.

Has anyone here used concierge medicine either with or instead of having standard insurance? Has anyone with a concierge physician gotten top surgery? If so, how has the financial side of things worked for you?

I’m so tired of spending hours trying to hunt down answers about the financial side of my healthcare just to find out after an appointment that I owe 50% on a procedure (etc etc). I’d love some perspective from anyone who has experienced concierge healthcare before, even if it was a negative experience!

Hello!

I’m JUST starting my vinyl collection and am trying to make sure I don’t forget any specific items to make a turntable setup.

I just got some used Kenwood LSK-02S speakers for around $10 from a flea market (cause I figured, why not?), I have my eye on a nice entry level turntable (Audio Technica :EDIT sorry forgot to add the model AT-LP60X: ), but I’m not sure what else I need. I know I need an amplifier, but is that all? Do I need a pre-amp?

Thanks for your advice! I’m not familiar with home stereo systems and I’m just trying to get a way to play my vinyls so any recommendations are welcome!

Budget: aiming for $100-$150 for each of individual items (if NEW) but cheaper is always better

Area: Rochester/Syracuse NY area

!thanks