u/Qazified

Me and my gf broke it off about a month ago, it was evidently clear to me then that she was likely a fearful avoident. Couldn't handle another person's feelings, didn't want to hurt me, didn't know if she actually "loved" me (despite saying so), scared of deep intimacy etc, etc. Regardless it was a clean break, and we both left still having a lot of care for eachother.

She was always upfront with me about her struggles, however I don't think she ever learned about attachment theory beyond buzzwords. She always expressed a lot of self awareness already, and a deep want to work through her mental issues, including DBT workbooks and group therapy–as 1on1 therapy is far too expensive for her right now–and medications (for depression and Bipolar).

And so I can't help but wonder, if she had looked into her attachment patterns, would we have stood a better chance? If she did learn would it be worth a second chance, for me and her? From your experience did learning about it make a significant impact on your relationships? Or is this just me in my bargaining phase of grief?

It's been 19 days. At first it was kind of easy, I didn't even cry. I think it's because I felt like because it was a clean break, that she'd start to miss me real bad, and we'd get back. So at first I kept contact as "friends", i never initiated but she'd send me random reels, or just little tidbits. But I realized I had to start moving on, so I told her I was gonna go no contact.

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She's got some issues that make relationships hard for her, but I felt I was capable of dealing with it, and i wanted to because i loved her. However she didn't feel she was. She told me she'd do something like this though, say she wasn't ready, or take breaks.

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So after like 3 whole hours of no contact I reached back out to clarify if she really was finished, or if part of her wanted to tough it out with me. She said she just couldn't hold other people's feelings right now, and that she needed to focus on herself. I always understood that this relationship was different, but hearing that finality from someone who had always been pretty ambiguous really did it.

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Cried a bunch then blocked her for good. But now I cant sleep at all. My heads running all over the place. Her consistent flip flopping throughout this whole relationship is giving me insane hope whiplash, and I've already started looking at her account on an alt.

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Part of me just wants to beg her, because I know I could make her come back if I wanted to, but i also know I need to respect her mental health, even if i know we could make it work. I want to hate her, I want someone else, anything to make me stop thinking about this stupid hope.

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Im sorry this is a mess. I dont expect anyone to see this, just a rant